


The Start of Something

by iatearepublican



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: AHAHAHA, AHAHAHAAHHAA, Akaken if you squint, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Best Friends, Blowjobs, BoKuroo Week 2016, Bromance to Romance, Dirty Talk, Falling In Love, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Hand Kink, I love Bokuroo too much not to contribute a fic, M/M, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Praise, Praise Kink, Self-Denial, Shotgunning, Smoking, Smut, Underage Drinking, bokuroo - Freeform, excessive use of words like "dude" and "my guy" im sorry, handjobs, i am sorry for this mother, kinda???, may add more tags in the future, the holy trinity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-11
Updated: 2016-05-20
Packaged: 2018-06-01 18:04:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 45,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6530407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iatearepublican/pseuds/iatearepublican
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"It's not as if I like him! There's no way, not like that"... But there is a way, and it was definitely like that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Something Beautiful

_"_ _Oh take me on back, take me on back, take me back_

_To the place where I could feel your heart_

_Is this the end or just the start,_

_of something really, really beautiful_

_wrapped up and disguised_

_as something really, really ugly"_

* * *

 

It wasn’t the first time he had noticed and appreciated things about his best friend.

The way he moved, the way he acted, the way he stood with confidence and lit up the room while also somehow remaining almost silent and sly, were not new to him. The new thoughts, however, were starting to make him question himself, like whenever his friend jumped to make a block he would almost unconsciously look down to watch his strong thighs flex, or whenever his slightly flirty jokes that he used to be able to combat with with equal levels of humor would send him sputtering and speechless. It also wasn’t the first time that Bokuto realized that Kuroo was, undoubtedly, very attractive. He had always thought so, so how was it so different now?  
It started at training camp the summer that had just past. After a small practice match before dinner with the orange ball of energy from Karasuno, along with Lev, Akaashi, Tsukki, and Kuroo, the duo had walked towards the dining hall together. He remembers that Kuroos steps were short, remembers for some reason Kuroo wasn’t feeling as hungry as he usually was.

“Your blocks are insane man, you’re like, one of the only people that can block my spikes,” he sighed, crossing his arms and raising a brow. Kuroo let out a short laugh.

“Thanks, although I should say it’s not particularly easy,” Kuroo smiled, Bokuto beamed.

“Well of course it would be hard! I am one of the best spikers in the prefecture, you know!"

“And you’re also one of the worst receivers I know,” Kuroo had mocked.

“Hey! I resent that! Don’t build me up just to break me down!” Bokuto had crossed his arms, walking down to the dinner hall a little faster with Kuroo, a little huffier than before.

He couldn't help it, when Kuroo was around he always got more worked up. He didn't know if it was from the adrenaline of volleyball or because Kuroo with that signature smirk always managed to pump his spirits up.  
And, Bokuto could admit, he wasn't..... particularly.....the smartest person on earth..... but he believed he had a pretty good understanding of their relationship together, of the way he felt for the other boy.  
Close friends, best buddies, good pals, were phrases that came to mind. The warmth that bloomed in his chest, that reached upwards and warmed his cheeks as well, when Kuroo looked at him, was just what happened when you're close friends with someone. And so what if he thought Kuroo was attractive? It's a fact, and Bokuto would be lying to himself if he said otherwise! Just because he thought their hands looked like they could fit together well, just because Bokuto would lose his concentration on what Kuroo was saying when he absent mindedly tugged on his lip with his teeth while he talked, just because when Kuroo hugged him it felt like it  lasted a little longer than most hugs, all of it didn't mean anything. They were bros. Best bros. Bro-guys.  
Bokuto kicked a loose piece of gravel and slipped his hands into the front pocket on his hoodie, hunched shoulders, red cheeks, and eyebrows knitted together in thought. At dinner, Akaashi sitting next to him, Kuroo in front, Kenma next to Kuroo on his right and Lev on his left, the usual chatter bubbled up. Was Kenma talking to people alright? How many door frames had Lev run into that day? Right after everyone had said their thanks for their meals, Kuroo had quickly grabbed Bokutos bowl of rice and stuffed some into his mouth before sliding it quickly across the table. It had wobbled and fell, spilling his rice over Akaashis hand. Akaashi huffed, and quickly grabbed a napkin.

“You ass!” Bokuto laughed, sitting up and swinging his hand to try to slap Kuroo lazily through the air. Kuroo shrugged and chewed, dodging all of Bokutos attempts at hitting him, he spoke with his mouth full,

“you’re too slow to keep up with me!” With a particularly more powerful leap forward, Bokuto grazed the side of Kuroos cheek with his fingers. Instinctively, Kuroo had reached up, gripped Bokutos wrist tightly. Kuroo held it in place while the boy lost his balance, and hit chest first into the table, face saved when he reflexively craned his neck up to stop it from slamming into the wooden table as well. A loud crash had filled the room, attracting all the attention towards them as Bokuto groaned low in slight pain and annoyance. Kuroo let out a sigh like laugh.

“Holy shit dude, I’m so sorry,” he had said, gripping Bokutos wrist tighter before letting it go. Akaashi quickly scolded Bokuto,

“Idiot, this is why you don’t roughhouse at the table, look, you ruined your shirt,” he said, pointing a finger at Bokutos food-smeared shirt as the boy sat back up, a little winded. Bokuto, momentarily stunned from hitting the table too hard, realized his heart was beating faster, the place where Kuroo had gripped his wrist, firm and strong, was burning and prickling. He looked at it to see faint red finger prints wrapped around it, and he tensed, blushing slightly, confused.

“Hey man, you okay? I didn’t mean to, honest,” the black haired boy had said, Bokuto looked up to catch his gaze, and his eyebrows furrowed as he assumed what he was feeling was anger.

“Fine… whatever” the boy pouted, touching the food that would surely stain on his shirt. The two ate in silence while the other boys chatted, almost as if the two weren’t radiating with tension. Later, after dinner had come to an end and after everyone had showered and were on their way to their rooms to sleep for the night, Akaashi brushed a hand on Bokutos broad shoulder while brushing his teeth.

“What are you so angry about?” He said through the toothbrush.

“Nothing…”

“Are you still mad at Kuroo? It was an accident, and you know how he can be, let it go,” Akaashi spat in the sink and wiped his mouth. Bokuto short circuited, he wasn’t… really that mad..he just..

“Are you implying that you actually care about my feelings, Akaashi?” Bokuto smiled.

“Pssh.. I just don’t want to deal with your grumpiness tomorrow morning..is all” he crossed his arms and leaned against the doorway.

“So mean...Akaashi..” He stammered around the foam in his mouth, spitting it out and wiping his mouth as well and following Akaashi to their room with the other members of his team. After their goodnight's and the lights were turned off, and after Bokuto had changed into some more clean sleepwear, he just couldn’t go to sleep. He kept replaying it over and over again in his mind. It wasn’t that Kuroo had really made him angry, so why had he felt this way? Why was there still this, hotness, near where he had touched and fluttering around in his chest.  
He had slowly taken off the blankets wrapped around him and stood up into the warm summer night air, and snuck out of the room towards the bathroom after a while of thinking and replaying the same thing over and over.

"Water will help" he whispered to nobody as he closed the bathroom door and turned on the tap, cupping cool water in his hands and bringing it to his face a few times, letting the droplets fall back into the sink before looking up and examining his face. He was slightly flushed, quickly telling himself that it was because it was so hot out. Beads of water slid down his face and why was he blushing, seriously?

"C'mon Bo, what's the big deal," he gives himself a glare in the mirror. What about Kuroo's hand on him made him so angry? And why did that smirk right before it turned sincere send a shiver down him when he looked up to meet Kuroos eyes? Why was he getting so angry over Kuroos strong hand, gripping him and pushing him, even if it was by accident? Kuroo had been so much stronger than him that he had made Bokuto fall and- the thoughts sent a familiar sensation blooming in his abdomen, and his eyes went half lidded as he looked directly at himself in the mirror, and quietly gasped.

Images of Kuroo's hand gripping him like that, but in a different setting, one where he was laid down on his back, two hands pinning his wrists down onto a plush mattress, breathing heavy, flashed through his head. Bokuto huffed, looking away from himself in the mirror. To his embarrassment, the images wouldn't stop coming, a mouth on his, licking in and exploring his mouth, strong hands pushing him down every time he tried to push up, and he felt himself start to grow hard. He felt dirty, embarrassed, even though nobody was around. He tried to think of something else, thought about losing a volleyball game, thought about how he would have to try to scrub that stain from his shirt later, but every time he tried to think of something different, the same images would come back into his head, reminding him of exactly how hard he was getting. He pressed his palm to his sleeping shorts, trying to give himself some relief. Eyes half lidded and breathing hard and fast, his imagination took hold of him. 

Dark skinned hands grabbing and gripping lower and tracing over his quivering stomach as a tongue dove into his mouth, moans and whines filling the room while another hand massages his thigh. Bokuto, in the midst of his lustful haze, whined out loud at that, and cupped a hand over his mouth as he backed up into the wall of the bathroom and slid down until he was sitting on the floor, legs spread. He quickly shoved his other hand into his shorts and began to stroke himself, quickly, closing his eyes tightly and letting his fantasy take hold of him.

Kuroo would laugh, trail his lips down his chest, grab his thighs and hold them down as he took his mouth and kissed and- Bokuto cried out, muffled by the hand cupped around his mouth as he came all over his hand and in his shorts. Breathing heavy, he had stood up immediately, cleaned himself up so that no evidence was left, washed and scrubbed his face as if scrubbing hard enough would make what he just did go away, and scuttled right back to bed. He held his head in his hands while his brows stayed tightly woven together, wondering just, _why_ he had done that but mostly, _why_ had it felt _so good_. He fell asleep with black, unruly hair and a set of strong, large hands on his mind.

         And that's what happened at training camp. A month later, he is sitting in his school chair, half asleep, with his chin resting on his hand. Bokuto lazily blinks his eyes open when the bell rings, sucks on his teeth as he stands up and gathers his things to go find Akaashi in class 6. He plays with his tie that wasn't done up as he left, alternating pulling from one end to the next in each hand as he makes his way outside. He hadn't talked to Kuroo besides a few quick conversations over text message since training camp, and Bokuto, when he thought about it, denies that he had ever jacked off in the bathroom to the idea of Kuroo just putting his hands on him. The image of him doing that was hazy, so he passed it off as some weird delusion, that absolutely, 100%, completely,  _did not happen_. 

"Akaashi!!" he yells, wiggling up beside him on a bench outside near a vending machine, Akaashi always sat here and Bokuto always met him. He pulls out his lunch, and  begins eating, talking, laughing, telling stories about his day. His phone buzzed, and Bokuto took it out to check the screen and for some, strange reason, he choked a bit.  Akaashi pats on his back, hard, a normal routine for him. 

  
  
**From: Kuroo:**

**yo.**

 

Bokuto almost drops his phone, and Akaashi looks over his shoulder, raises a brow, and squints at Bokuto suspiciously. 

"Every time he messages you, you do this, did you guys get into a fight or something?" Akaashi asks, digging into his own lunch, Bokuto sighs as he opens his phone, Akaashi.. always so observant.

"Everything is fine Akaashi! Don't worry!" He smiles, gives him a thumbs up as he types out his message. 

 

**To: Kuroo:**

**What's up?  
**

 

He gets almost an immediate reply.

 

**From: Kuroo:**

**was wonderin if u wanted to come over tonite. watch a movie. been bored.**

 

And Bokuto lights up, his previous thoughts and embarrassment forgotten as he shows Akaashi.

"Kuroo invited me over for a movie! See? Akaashi look!" he waves the phone into his friends face. Akaashi sighs, and runs a hand through his messy black hair.

"I see, Bokuto, I see, please stop putting that so close to my face.." Akaashi scrunches up his nose and leans back. Bokuto is ecstatic.

 

**To: Kuroo:**

**Sure!!!! When should I come over? :D**

 

A few minutes later his phone dings again. 

 

**From: Kuroo:**

**around 8 would be nice, whatever u want tho is fine**

 

**To: Kuroo:**

**See you then!!**

 

Bokuto locks his phone and tucks it back into his pocket, kicking his legs and biting into some bread, he smiles up at the sky. A million questions running through his mind in his excitement. 

_What movie will we watch?_

_Will it be a horror movie? Oh god...I hope not.._

_I wonder what Kuroo's house looks like?_

_What his room looks like?_

_What will Kuroo will look like sleepy?_

And Bokuto stops chewing for a moment, seizes kicking his legs, eyes going wide and a blush rushing up to his face. Akaashi looks over, crosses his arms.

"What is  _with_ you, Bokuto-san?" 

Bokuto ran it through his mind, Kuroo's hair was already messy, but even more bed ridden, and his eyes sleepy, voice low and rough, a small smile playing on his sharp features instead of that smirk. Bokuto chewed once more as he processes the information, albeit slowly.

_...cute.._

And as soon as his brain sends him  _that_ particular message, he slams his fists down into his lap, almost knocking over his lunch as he places his half eaten bread in the lunch pail, and rises his hands to his face, cupping his cheeks.

"I don't even know, Akaashi" he says, slowly, as if he doesn't want to believe in those words, as if they were hard to say, and for Bokuto, they are. His brows drew together, and he turns his head, strong, pale hands still cupping his cheeks as he looks at Akaashi, who had his normal, a bit concerned but an uncaring, look plastered on his face still. 

"I....think, that I, uh...I think I..have a problem.." Bokuto stammers.

 

 

 


	2. It Just Makes Me Ill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His mind is swimming with emotion and he's angry that he feels this way and angry that he doesn't understand it and he doesn't want to look at the fact of the matter, doesn't want to say it out loud, it's too much. Bokuto squeezes his eyes shut, blush worsening, tightens his fists and locks eyes with an empty picture frame across the hall in the dining room. He shuts his eyes tight again, vision blurring as he see's little dots of colour in his vision.
> 
> "I'll take that beer, actually"

            It took Bokuto exactly 13 minutes and 47 seconds to knock on Kuroos door. At first he stared for 5 minutes, then he ran back out onto the street, telling himself he would go home. It took him 3 minutes to walk away and 3 to get back. He wipes his sweaty palms on his black jeans, taking in a very large breath before knocking on the door, a little too loudly. Was he dressed too casual? He had a bright red hoodie on, with a little cartoon owl embroidered into the bottom corner, his hair was down, as he took a shower before he left and didn't have time to put gel in it or else he'd miss the train. He clutched his backpack, nervous, tapping his fingers on it and god was he nervous. The train ride from Bokutos house wasn't that long to get to Tokyo, about an hour and a bit, and he caught the 6:45 train. It was 7:57, and Bokuto just kept sweating and sweating and was he shaking? No way, no fucking way..

  
He's greeted with a familiar face as the door swings open. Kuroo, hair unruly, was in his signature black t shirt and cotton, gray sweatpants, and slurping noodles from a microwavable cup with chopsticks. He chews and swallows, Bokuto catching the way his adams apple bobs, as Kuroo ushers him inside.

"Welcome to the Kuroo household, my friend" he says, throwing his arms open and spinning around on his heel. The rooms are light, walls pristine and looking almost freshly painted. The house smelled of instant noodles and had a smell that Bokuto can't describe besides it being just like Kuroo. The colours weren't what he expected, but he goes ahead and plops his bag down next to the floor cabinets with a large flatscreen television resting on top.

"Do you want anything to eat?" Kuroo says, and Bokuto shrugs, unable to look Kuroo in the eye.  
_This was a mistake, I shouldn't be here. If I go home now I won't embarrass myself in front of him...even though I've totally done that already...oh no..._  
and then there's a finger twisting in his stomach.

"Hey, asshole, listen up," he says, and Bokuto looks up at the boy poking at his stomach, almost stabbing the little cartoon owl in the eye, inconsiderate ass...  
"You okay? I didn't invite you over to sulk on my couch, you know" he says as he reels back to continue slurping his noodles, finishing them.  
"Yeah I'm fine! The, uh, the train ride was wild, is all. I'm good man!" He smiles.  
Kuroo smiles back, it's a genuine one, a smile that not many people see on the court or on the volleyball teams, and Bokuto wants to punch himself. He wants to throw himself out of the window, because he's been flushed almost all day non stop and he doesn't want to be, and refuses to acknowledge why.  
  
"I made these noodles like an hour ago, they taste like shit and they're cold and I'm still hungry, but I hate wasting food, so" Kuroo waves his hand around lazily as he speaks, "I can order a pizza, I know you like pizza, bro."  
Bokuto smiles, yet again the embarrassment and over thinking gone. Kuroo laughed at his mood change from kind of nervous looking to excited again. 

"I love pizza!" and Kuroo yells, standing up and stomping towards the kitchen where Bokuto assumes is where the home phone is. The words "yes! Pizza! Pizza!" can be heard chanted from the kitchen and Bokuto laughs, loudly, subconsciously cracking his knuckles before relaxing against the couch.  
Everything is okay, it's just Kuroo. They're friends after all, buddies, bros, just like Kuroo had just called him, and bros stay at each others houses all the time!  
Kuroo calls him from the kitchen, "Hey, Bo! What do you want on your pizza?"  
Bokuto goes through his mind, tries to find the part in his brain where he stores what he likes on pizza.

"uh... uhm.. shittt."  
"Okay you're too late - whatever you don't want you can pick off," Kuroo chuckles, taking his hand off of the phone receiver to continue to talk to the employee on the other end of the line. Bokuto laughs again at that, and soon Kuroo flops down next to him again, noodles gone.  
"So, pizza will be here in about 20 to 30 minutes, wanna watch that movie? I've got two"

Kuroo crouches down to pick up the two movie cases, and shows Bokuto the covers.  
Immediately, Bokuto laughs into his hand, then looks at Kuroo.  
"You still buy DVD's? Don't you have Netflix or something?" Bokuto is still laughing, and Kuroo frowns, although playfully.  
"You know Bokuto-san, I think you just don't understand true art when you see it. The beauty of holding an entire movie right in your palm, the excitement of going down to the movie store and picking through the selection, while, physically, you're there. It is an incredible experience, Bo, you have to try it."  
"If you get 'excitement' out of browsing for movies in a run down shop, then I feel bad for you, my dude," and the two laugh again.  
  
Kuroo picks the movie as Bokuto is too indecisive and can't give Kuroo a straight answer. The first movie is a horror movie, just as Bokuto had hoped it wouldn't be. A few minutes into the movie and there is already a death, and while Bokuto thought he would piss himself at that, it wasn't so much of a horror movie as it was a mindless slasher, with lots of gore and lots of using shock for a quick scare instead of the horror movies Akaashi made him watch, which used a lot of build and plot and slow, creepy scare tactics. He _loathed_ those ones. About 20 minutes in, Kuroo breaks out into laughter, as a girl who is running from the killer falls down, her shirt ripping at the collar so her cleavage becomes all on display.  
  
"What the fuck!" he laughs, and looks over to Bokuto, who is cracking up about the same amount.  
"I love movies like this, they're so shitty it's laughable" Kuroo says, breathing slowly returning to normal.  
The pizza gets to Kuroo's in one piece, Kuroo pays and hurriedly strolls back to Bokuto and opens the boxes.  
"I just got two pepperoni, I hope you're cool with that," Kuroo says, grabbing a slice and ripping a bite off. Bokuto smiles and picks up two.  
"I love pepperoni!"  
The two munch on pizza, Kuroo leaves to the kitchen and brings back soda which they crack open and drink, all while watching until its a quarter past 11. Movies don't usually last that long, but Kuroo kept pausing the movie to laugh and rave about how terrible it is, and Bokuto laughed right along with him, pointing at the screen and waving his arms around, being his normal, energetic, springy self. When the credits rolled, the two booed the screen, and Kuroo, rather boldly, Bokuto must say, threw a pepperoni at the television. It stuck and slid down the screen, and the two giggle dumbly at that.  
  
"That was so terrible" Kuroo grins, sighs, then lies back into the plush dark couch cushions.  
"That's what you get for going to a movie store instead of just ordering a normal movie!"  
"Hey! This is a real movie, you see it, in your hand, do you see this movie case Bokuto-san? Do you? And you dare say that it is not art? Film is beautiful, Bokuto-san," Kuroo says in the dumbest tone possible, overusing the honourific of 'san' on purpose, obviously mocking...someone.  
Whoever it was, it still made Bokuto laugh. His abs hurt from laughing so much, and he suspects Kuroos felt the same.

"You know, there is bad art," Bokuto starts, and Kuroo chuckles under his breath as he gets up, gathers the extra pizza and brings it to the kitchen.  
"D'you need help, bro?" Bokuto calls, and Kuroo waves his hand as if to shush him, presumably putting away all of the leftovers.  
It's late, Bokuto hears crickets outside, and the open window let in cool summer night air that smelt good compared to the greasy, meaty and cheesy smell from the pizza. Bokuto takes a moment to sit and admire the house he's in, admire the smells and admire how much fun he's having tonight. Kuroo walks back into the room and hands Bokuto a cold bottle, then sits down.  
  
"My parents don't notice if we only have a few, here," he says, and Bokuto takes the cold beverage. As soon as he realizes what it is, he lets out a small squeak, holds it like it's poison.   
"Alcohol? Kuroo? Really?"  
"It's not that big of a deal man, plus," Kuroo leans in, reaches a hand over and holds onto Bokutos bicep. His hand feels warm even through the fabric of Bokutos hoodie.  
Kuroo licks his lips and oh my god did he actually just lick his fucking lips is he serious?  
Kuroo continues, " _you're tens_ e" he says simply, giving a small squeeze to Bokutos bicep. But besides this, Kuroo picks up the beer and puts it on the side table beside the couch, on a cute little coaster that's shaped and coloured like a cat. How Kuroo esc.  
  
The two sit in silence for a few minutes. Bokuto feels warmth on his skin, and reaches his hand up that are considerably a lot cooler than he face, and presses them against his cheeks to try to cool himself down. He feels the hairs on the back of his neck prickle up,  
_is he fucking staring at me_  
_No,_ he thinks, _definitely not._  
His mind is swimming with emotion and he's angry that he feels this way and angry that he doesn't understand it and he doesn't want to look at the fact of the matter, doesn't want to say it out loud, it's too much. Bokuto squeezes his eyes shut, blush worsening, tightens his fists and locks eyes with an empty picture frame across the hall in the dining room. He shuts his eyes tight again, vision blurring as he see's little dots of colour in his vision.  
  
"I'll take that beer, actually"

The two are giggling, pressed close, Bo's arm draped around Kuroo's shoulder, smiling and laughing as the second movie of the night plays. It's nearing the end of the film as it's 12:45 in the morning now, and the two are drunk off of sleep, Bokuto drunk on emotions that he doesn't understand, and also, literally, drunk.  
Bokuto hasn't been paying much attention to the movie, and the ends of his vision are blurring anyways and he is having trouble focusing. Kuroo is much better at watching than he is, but still a little unfocused.

Bokuto would occasionally run his finger up the taut muscle of Kuroo's forearm, just light enough to tickle, and Kuroo giggles and nudges Bokuto with his shoulder. Bokuto pretends to fall over, over dramatically, and then they resume watching the movie.  
If he wasn't paying attention to the movie at all, the loud moan that fills the room made Bokuto perk up and focus especially.  
On screen, the heroine and the hero of the movie, Bokuto assumes, he isn't watching properly enough to tell, were kissing. The heroine, a long brunette, is hoisted up, her long legs wrapping around the small of the hero's back. She moans, high and pretty as he kisses down her neck and to her collarbone. The hero makes a gruff, dominating noise and Bokuto's eyes widen and flick towards Kuroo, who is watching just as intently, lips pressed into a thin line, eyebrows furrowed, looking like he's trying to figure out what to do. Bokuto watches as his eyes go from wide, to half lidded, watches Kuroo as he sucks in a shaky breath, brings the beer up to his lips, and takes two swigs. Bokuto sputters, and Kuroo looks over, hyper aware of his surroundings.  
  
"I think," Bokuto says, another moan coming from the speakers as the hero and heroine exchanges some kind of important dialogue that definitely is not important to Bokuto at the moment, his concern was keeping his dick calm and making sure Kuroo turns this shit off as soon as possible.  
Bokuto licks his dry lips, looking into Kuroo's cat like eyes.  
"I think," he repeats, "we should go to bed, it's like, almost 1 in the morning" he says, blinking more than usual.  
Kuroo swallows visibly, and Bokuto honest to god almost whines as Kuroo's adams apple bobs again. He needs to get to sleep, forget about this... right now.  
Kuroo nods, "yeah man, this is fucking, uh, stupid anyways" he says, lifting the remote and turning it off, a blush high on his cheeks and splotchy around the back of his neck.  
  
_...cute.._  
  
Bokuto thinks, and shakes his head, blames the alcohol. Blames the night. Blames the heat. Blames anything that he can.

Bokuto slips his fuzzy, green owl pajama pants over top of his strong legs. Watches Kuroo shimmy out of his sweatpants and laughs as he sees kitten printed boxers. Kuroo turned around to look at him, stumbling, still a little tipsy, "Fuck you man, they're cute" Kuroo laughs.  
"Haha.. yeah, fuck me, bro" Bokuto slurs, not thinking, and he freezes, eyes going wide as he stops pulling his white sleep shirt on mid way, strands of black and white sticking out the top collar of the shirt but not all the way out yet.  
Kuroo doesn't look like he heard anything, but Bokuto is dying anyways.  
  
"Hey, hurry up, I'm gonna go make the bed," he says.  
"Yeah! Yes! Of course!" Bokuto smiles, eyes wide and nervous and god...did he really just say that, in his drunken haze?  
Kuroo leaves the bathroom.  
Bokuto, as stated, is dying.  
He stares at himself in the mirror, hands pressed against the counter and head down in defeat as he looks up at himself. The image of him, in the training camp bathroom, that one night a month ago, fills his mind. He remembers his expression when he had put the pieces together, but Bokuto didn't want the pieces together. He wants them so far apart they have no correlation with each other. He wants Kuroo's hands, on his skin, on his ass, his mouth on his chest and on his lips, hands in his hair, pulling, tugging. But what's been worse for him lately is, that he not only thinks about that. He thinks about Kuroo's smile while he ate that first piece of pizza, how he almost glows with confidence on the court, he thinks not only about how Kuroo's strong body could hold him down, but also how he could hold him up, give him the biggest of hugs, and Bokuto bites his fist, almost lets out some kind of stupid god damned noise. His eyes are watering, and he feels like kicking something, hitting something, but he settles on taking deep breaths until his tears are gone, until his breathing is regular again. With a final quick check of his face, he saunters out of the bathroom and up the flight of stairs into Kuroo's room where Kuroo is supposedly waiting for him.

It's small, the room looks like it was supposed to be an attic, with it's slanted roof that almost touched the black headboard of Kuroo's bed. The walls are a dark gray, posters of punk bands rolled out along the walls so you can barely see the colour anyways. A large bed sits in the middle of the wall, farthest from the door, a dresser, a desk, and a large open window, things you'd expect from a teenage boys room. He made note of the small calico kitten stuffed animal that was tucked underneath the bed, looking like Kuroo tried to hide it in a hurry and didn't do it very well. Volleyball gear was bunched up in the left corner while clothes were bunched up in the right, a volleyball shoe sat in the middle of the floor. Kuroo turned to look at Bokuto.  
  
"Hey, so, I hope you don't mind. I should have asked you this before you came over, but we only have one bed, and if it's chill, we're gonna have to share it."  
Bokuto feels like the breath has been taken from his lungs, and he had just gotten it back too. Bokuto takes in a breath, tries to grin, knows it looks forced. Kuroo catches the nervousness and quickly tries to reciprocate.  
  
"You can sleep in my parents bed if you want! They're not home this weekend, I won't tell them you did, don't worry."  
Bokuto lets out a shaky sigh, knows he should weigh his options but doesn't think he really could find the best answer to this predicament.  
  
"Nah, man" he says, picking a pillow up off of the ground and tossing it to Kuroo,  
"I'll sleep with you..." Bokutos tongue feels cottony, "in the bed, I'll, I'll sleep with you in the bed, for the night, slumbering," he says, walking towards the bed, catching Kuroo's concerned eye before he's falling face first into the mattress. He feels like screaming into the bed, but knows he shouldn't, so he shuffles underneath the bed covers as Kuroo gets in on the other side too. The light is already off, and Bokuto is staring outside, the moon in plain sight, he smiles. It almost calmed him, the night was so pretty. The two were positioned facing away from each other.  
  
Bokuto's eyes begin to droop, but then he hears a gravelly voice, and he's startled, doesn't know who it is for a second, and when he realizes that sound came from Kuroo, he flushes and flips over to face Kuroo. When he flips, he's just staring at the back of the boys head. Kuroo is humming quietly, sounding uncertain, and then coughs to clear his throat.  
  
"I, I had a lot of fun tonight, Bo," Kuroo says, voice low and deep and fuck Bokuto thinks he's about to die. He flushes from the cute nickname, and takes a moment to respond.  
"I'm, dude, I'm glad you did. Me too. I did, too, I mean..." Kuroo hums again, and Bokutos chest goes warm.  
Kuroo turns over, lazily and tired, to face Bokuto. He notices that Kuroo won't look him in the eye. Kuroo fidgets and looks at his thumbs, twiddling them before opening his lips to speak.  
  
"You've been tense, though, and, I just wanted to like... know, if you were like...okay, because you're my guy, and shit, yeah?" Kuroo huffs, then forces himself to meet Bokuto's exasperated gaze. Another flush comes to his cheeks.  
"Nothing! I, nothing Kuroo, Kuroo-san, no worries!"  
"You just, haven't been yourself really. I could be imagining it, so I'm sorry if I am, but.... if there's something wrong... I want you to tell me what's wrong." He furrows his brows and stares at Bokuto so intensely Bokuto doesn't know if he wants the ground to swallow him up or for Kuroo to kiss him. Bokuto keeps licking his lips, looking down at Kuroos lips, and he wiggles his body closer, subconsciously.

"There's not much to say," Bokuto mumbles, their conversation a low whisper now, and he looks up at Kuroo's hair, how the light of the moon and lights outside catches on every wisp at the top, how it illuminates his skin and makes him look less sharply attractive and more light, cute, and handsome.

Bokuto swallows thickly.  
They stay like that for a while, and eventually Kuroo's eyes close, but as soon as they do, Bokuto speaks up. He feels as though he's missing an opportunity, if he doesn't say anything.  
  
Kuroo opens one eye slightly, and makes a "hmph?" sound in his throat.  
"I just thought, that, you know," Bokuto swallows thickly, yet again, and doesn't even think about what he's about to say, it just slides off of his tongue.  
  
"I think that its weird seeing you in regular clothes, it's weird seeing you anywhere besides a gym, or a training camp, I don't know. I think that I don't know you as much here as I do out there" Bokuto stammers, and for some god forsaken reason, fucking continues. "And, your clothes, and the way you are here, like, just chillin' at your house, you're..." Bokuto reaches around in his mind for the words that sounds the best,

"you're.. really, you looked really nice,"  
  
_SHIT.._ __  
  
"..........and you're nice, overall, like as a person, in general."  
  
_....shit.._  
  
Bokuto bites his tongue, clenches his eyes shut and fists a hand in the bed sheets, notes that the sheets farther away from him are colder than the ones he's lying on. For some reason, he feels like he's about to get punched, but he's met with a longer silence than he was expecting. Bokuto opens his eyes slightly, to see that Kuroo is staring, wide eyed. And then he's closer, and Bokuto can feel breath on his breath, and his eyes are widening and Kuroo's are slipping shut and there are too many things happening at once but not enough and holy shit there's warm lips on his and he doesn't know what to do so he pulls back, covers his mouth with his hand.  
  
"Sorry, Bo, was that not okay?" he says, sitting up a bit to slip a hand around Bokutos broad upper back, leans down into his personal space again, noses almost bumping. Bokuto doesn't believe this is real, and he's tipsy, and he wants to taste Kuroo's lips again, he never got to savour it, never really got a feel for the shape and the way he kissed him. He let's out a shaky breath, and they're so close that they're sharing the same breath. A cool sweat breaks out on the back of Bokuto's neck, prickling, his mind too cloudy and hazy with the alcohol and lust that he can't think too deeply about it, but the sentence

  
_this is wrong_

flashes in the back of his mind. Then another,

_we shouldn't be doing this,_

  
followed by a

_I shouldn't be doing this_

  
But his breath hitches, and he looks at Kuroo's nose, jaw, well defined and pretty in the dull light, eyes watching Bokuto intently, waiting for an answer, and finally to his lips, red and wet and waiting for him. Bokuto doesn't want to keep him waiting, doesn't want to disappoint.  
So he looks up into Kuroo's eyes, down at his lips, back up again, and then moves just that little bit closer, slipping his eyes shut again as he presses their lips together. Bokuto is too tense, lips too firm on Kuroos, face scrunched and unsure.

They kiss, and Bokuto feels high, feels fucking amazing, and reaches a firm hand onto Kuroo's back to pull him closer. It's sweet at first, slow, cautious, but slowly turns fast, passionate, their breath mingling together until they're panting hot into each others mouths. Bokuto pulls back for a breath.  
  
"Yes, it's okay, Kuroo, Kuroo, Kur-" and then the black haired is kissing him again, he bites sharp canines into Bokutos lower lip, surging forward when Bokuto gasps at the sensation, slips his tongue inside of the other boys mouth. And then Bokuto whines, high, and that noise, that sound, makes Kuroo kick off the blankets hastily and crawl over on top of him. He's on his elbows, kissing Bokuto with vigor as he tangles a strong hand into Bokutos hair and tugs lightly.  
Everything is too fast, Bokuto can't breathe, he doesn't know if it's because he's kissing or if it's because he's just out of breath at the sheer realization of it all.  
  
"Fuck, Bokuto," Kuroo whispers, almost to himself, and Bokuto shivers, doesn't know if he likes his name whispered like that or if he's scared of it, doesn't know if it's both.  
They're making out, and the reckless, wet kissing is making Bokuto lose his other senses so he can just focus on the feeling of Kuroo's lips and tongue on his. He flushes deeper when he realizes that this is just like in one of his own half formed, shameful, guilty fantasies that he's jacked himself off to. He feels himself getting hard in his pants, and groans quietly to himself. He can't say anything, Kuroo too busy slotting their mouths together again and again. Bokuto tries to take some kind of domination for himself, pushing his tongue into Kuroo's mouth as well, Kuroo simply sucks on it and Bokuto moans a quiet, low moan. He's fucked, he's so fucked, he's breathing and gasping and panting and he's blushing and flustered and he can't get enough.  
  
"Bokuto, Bokuto" Kuroo chants his name into his mouth, and Bokuto loses it, gives in to the pressure in his abdomen and grinds his hips up into Kuroo's.  
Kuroo gasps, eyes snapping open to look into Bokuto's half lidded, lustful ones.  
Everything is too fast, and Kuroo is kissing his neck and oh fuck, shit.  
"K-Kur-ah.." Bokuto whispers, as if he said it quiet enough their actions would be less shameful. Bokuto reaches up for a moment and somehow manages to strip his shirt off. Kuroo kisses, open mouthed and hot, down Bokutos chest and licks over a nipple, experimentally, before dipping down more, licking slowly and pressing the entire flat of his tongue on his navel. He licks up and down, in languid motions that are driving Bokuto insane.  
  
"Go, go, c'mon, Kuroo, _please_ , shit.." his sentences aren't making sense and he's worthlessly thrusting his hips up to try to get some kind of release, but every time he does, Kuroo backs away, looking fucked out but concentrated on the task in front of him. Kuroo places a hand on the tent forming in Bokutos pajama pants and Bokuto is gone. His legs are shaking and he's fisting the sheets and pressing up into Kuroo's hand and Kuroo is pushing right back. It's dark, and Bokuto tries to focus on something, anything, besides Kuroo. When he breathes through his mouth his pants make him blush but when he breathes through his nose with his lips shut tight the only thing he can smell is Kuroo Tetsurou, and he feels completely overwhelmed.

In the midst of their recklessly lustful encounter, Bokuto realizes that he's about to go off of the edge, and sits up, scrabbling his hands to cover the tent in his pants and pushing the hand that was on it, rubbing, off. Bokuto sits cross legged on the bed in front of Kuroo, and Kuroo stares, hand still out, he reaches and plants it on Bokutos inner thigh. He's rubbing into it which Bokuto thinks is supposed to be soothing, but it's just making it harder for him to think clearly.  
"What's up? Is it okay, dude?" Kuroo says, adjusting his position so he can lean closer to the other boy, face again only inches from his own. Why does Kuroo keep asking him if he's okay? How was he supposed to answer that? He doesn't know!  
  
"I don't.. I don't know, I just-" Bokuto reaches down, holds Kuroos hand in his own and coughs nervously as he feels his heart speed up and thump louder in his chest. He swallows around the lump in his throat. He picks Kuroo's hand up with his own and closes Kuroo's long fingers so that it's in a fist, enclosing his own two hands around it, almost as if the two were about to pray. Bokuto would have found that funny if he wasn't so flustered and angry and confused.  
  
"I'm okay, just...why? Why are we doing this?" the last part comes out in a breathier whisper than how the two were already speaking together, as if the question was only to himself. Bokuto is looking down, but quickly looks up to check Kuroo's expression and it's wicked. In one fluid motion, Kuroo pulls both of them out of their loose cotton pants and underwear, pushes the fabric down farther on his and Bokuto's legs, and then grips them both together in his palm. Bokuto let's out a strangled sound and lays his head on Kuroo's shoulder, eyes open and gasping, too shocked to do much else. Kuroo bows his head, and whispers into Bokuto's shoulder, almost muffled,  
  
"because it feels good."  
  
If Bokuto wasn't blushing before, he certainly was now, and he whines into Kuroos shoulder. And then Kuroo starts moving his hand, in slow motions, careful ones, and Bokuto grips his hands into the loose, damp shirt Kuroo is wearing. He lets out quiet sounds and gasps and faint pleasured sighs, his arousal bigger than his fear of what this meant now. Kuroo backs away for a moment to get Bokuto's head off of his shoulder, bows his head once more to catch his lips in his own, and they're kissing like they were only minutes ago, again. Kuroo's hands start moving faster, and Bokuto doesn't know if he's ever been this hard in his life, his legs shaking and stomach muscles quivering. Kuroo makes a pleased sound, a few gasps coming from him as he strokes them both almost completely around with his large hand and long, strong fingers.  
"Feel good..?"  
"Fuck... _fuck_.." is all Bokuto can say, he's beyond words now, can only feel the pleasure radiating through his body and the air cooling his sweaty skin.  
"I take that as a yes," Kuroo says, voice a little shaky, before he sucks into the side of Bokuto's neck, and Bokuto honest to god _sobs_  when he finally cums, shaking and panting Kuroo's name so softly it almost wasn't audible. Kuroo moves his hand faster as Bokuto places his arms behind him for more leverage so he won't fall while he convulses under Kuroo's hard gaze. The black haired boy soon follows, watching the boy under him as he cums with a hitch and a low groan. He leans up so that their faces are close again, and presses their foreheads together to pant into each others breathing space again, eyes half lidded and staring at the other. When Kuroo pulls his hands off of their dicks, he quickly wipes a hand on the sheets, leaning even more forward until Bokuto looses his balance and falls back against the bed, and Kuroo follows him, stilling above him before he places a single, chaste kiss to Bokuto's lips.  
  
And then he rolls over, tucks himself into his boxers, and brings the covers up over his body again.  
A mumbled "goodnight, Bo" can be heard, but Bokuto isn't completely sure it wasn't his imagination.   
Bokuto's breathing won't settle, and tears are forming in his eyes when he realized what they had just done. He stares up at the ceiling, not moving, confused and unable to sleep.  
  
That wasn't a fantasy, that just fucking happened.  
  
And Bokuto is shaking again, but this time not out of pleasure, this time it's out of fear. It's been a while since Kuroo fell asleep, and he sounded asleep too, a faint snore could be heard. Bokuto gets up from the bed carefully, tucks himself into his own boxers and pants before he slowly makes his way to the washroom downstairs, wobbling, having to hold onto the wall as he makes his way down the stairs.

  
    He finds himself unable to make it to the bathroom before he starts sniffling and crying into his arm, so he holds onto one of the kitchen chairs and stays like that for a while, crying, wondering what was going on, and wondering just why the fuck he was crying. Bokuto knew he was an emotional person, he knew he could get too excited, too upset, he knew he was prone to mood swings, but he didn't know what this was, didn't know how to deal with it.  
He runs a hand through his black and white dyed hair, pushing the bangs from his forehead. He tried to force himself to pay attention to something else, like the dim, flickering kitchen light, the small crack in the back splash of the kitchen counter, the low buzz of the fridge, a picture frame with a photo of Kuroo as a child holding a volleyball and making a peace sign. He couldn't. All he could think of was Kuroo's messy, soft hair, Kuroo's lips, and how he liked everything they had just done. He was so overwhelmed, scared, but most of all just very confused. He wipes his eyes and reaches a shaky hand over to the fridge, opening it and grabbing another beer from the back. He pops off the twist-off cap and downs a quarter of it.  
_A drink, that's what I need, yes, anything to drink, at all_  
And then he's making his way to the bathroom again, closes and locks the door, stares into the mirror and watches himself slowly drink the entire thing. He's tired in his post-orgasm bliss, frustrated, cried out, his eyes drooping and feeling heavy. He places the empty bottom on the sink, his last thought being a considerate one. Then he slides his back down the wall and falls asleep like that, head down and arms to his side, legs curved in an awkward position, confused and tired. He sleeps until about 7:30 in the morning, waking up to a curt knock on the wooden bathroom door.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so invested in this story I wrote this whole thing in 2 hours my fingers hurt pls take this IM SO SORRY BC IT'S ANGST TIME 
> 
> You don't have to leave a comment if you don't want to but it's greatly appreciated!
> 
> Talk to me abt Bokuto and Bokuroo related things on my twitter @owlfuker bless u


	3. Something Ugly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something beautiful, disguised as something, really, really ugly.

      Bokuto is an excitable person, he could find the fun in almost anything, he knew this. He's energetic and overall bubbly and happy. Being happy and excited, and a little absent minded, let him flow through life with ease, without many troubles besides his schoolwork, but Akaashi always helped him with that. Any problem that couldn't be solved by someone else helping him with his studies, he could solve on his own through determination and being bubbly, it was hard for people to stay mad at him and it was easy for him to forgive. Sometimes Akaashi would ignore him for a few days, he wouldn't know why, and would fret over it. But then he'd realize that Akaashi is probably studying, and he's usually right, and Akaashi is. Then, they would go back to volleyball. Sometimes Kuroo would playfully call him names, or give him a few jabs, and Bokuto would feel sad, wonder if they were true, but they never really bothered him enough to linger - and problem was solved yet again. But sometimes, every so often, Bokuto would run into a problem that he just couldn't solve. Something that would stump him for weeks at a time, something that made his performance in everything he was good at dwindle. If there was anything that applied to Bokuto, it would be the butterfly effect. A butterfly flaps it's wings the wrong way, it could change the weather in the course of a few days. A string holding up 5 strings that are holding up an object is cut, and all 5 strings and the object fall. If one thing hurt him, it hurt everything about him.  
But this was the worst problem he think he's ever come across.

* * *

  
He wakes up to the door to the bathroom shaking slightly, a knock on the door. He blinks, vision blurry, and tries to focus on the sounds. Focus on the voice. His head hurts, its pounding in a way he's never felt, and he feels sick to his stomach.

  
"Hey, hey Bokuto? You in there?" It was Kuroo, and Bokuto looked up at the door, tried to say something but just groaned. He heard Kuroo's hand slide down the door, almost in defeat, and then a thump on the door, much louder.  
"Kuroo," is all he can manage to say, exasperated, as he stands up. His knee's buckle for a moment before he does, finally, stand up straight.  
"Kuroo," he calls again, turns the golden yellow knob of the door, and opens it slowly, breathing from his mouth in heavy breaths. He's faced with the boy that's been causing all of these problems, feels a complete lack of energy to do anything but also wanting to punch him, maybe that would make all this stop.

"Hey, goodmorning," Kuroo says, reaching a hand up to scratch the back of his neck. He's wearing the same thing as last night, hair still sticking up oddly. His eyes are droopy and he looks like he hasn't slept very well, and Bokuto doesn't think he looks much better, probably worse. Bokuto watches Kuroo's small pupils move from Bokuto's eyes to his body, to the beer bottle on the counter, notes how it's been sucked dry. He lets out a shaky breath, then clears this throat again.

"I, uh, I made you breakfast."

Bokuto brings his hands to his temples and rubs in small circles, whispers a quiet 'thank you' under his breath before he shuffles off to the kitchen. Slouching over the table, he stares at the pretty yellow tablecloth, follows the tiny cracks and lines in the fabric with his eyes. A plate is set in front of him, and his lips tug up into the slightest smile. Kuroo sits opposite to him, and for the majority of the time spent eating, it was in silence. Bokuto takes a bite of bacon, licks some of the greasy crumbs off of the side of his mouth with his tongue.

"I, if you have a headache or anything, I can make more, bacon is good for hangovers," Kuroo says, looking down slightly, then resting his chin in his hand, "assuming you have one, I mean." Bokuto reels back in his chair,  
"Why would I ever have a hangover," more of a rhetorical question than anything he expected to get an answer from, but Kuroo answers anyways.  
  
"You drank a lot, like 3 beers. Then you drank another in the bathroom, alone, and fell asleep there. I'm assuming you're a lightweight and I'm also assuming that my bathroom floor didn't feel so good to sleep on, so maybe that's why you have a hangover, Koutarou." Each word is punctuated with a harder cut of the knife Kuroo was using to cut up a piece of fried egg on his plate. The use of his first name made it especially passive aggressive. Bokuto frowned, huffed, and then went back to eating his meal. The room fell back into silence but this time, it wasn't because either of them didn't know how to break the ice, it was because they were angry. Kuroo held a permanent frown while he ate, cutting his food more than he needed to, and Bokuto ate barely anything, with his back pressed against the back of the chair with his arms crossed over his chest, looking into the other room with furrowed brows. After the grueling task of sitting together and eating while the tension just kept building and building, Bokuto pushed his chair in roughly when he stood up to put his dishes away. Kuroo did the same, but practically threw his dishes into the sink, walking back up the stairs to his room. Bokuto felt so angry, rage bubbling high in his stomach. His hands and arms shook, pressing the plates into one hand and rubbing it with a sponge with the other.  
  
_Why am I washing the dishes_  
  
He gets angry at himself, drops the dish and the sponge in the sink, and wipes his hands on a dishcloth before stomping up the stairs in a hurry, grumbling to himself.  
He opens the door to Kuroo's bedroom, see's him sprawled out, arms out wide and legs far apart, just staring up at the ceiling with a bored, yet thoughtful look on his face. He was contemplating something, saw his eyes flick over to Bokuto when he walks in, then flick back quickly up to the ceiling. Bokuto stands there for what feels like hours, closes the door with his back, just waiting there and staring with his arms crossed.  
  
"So what d-"  
"Why are you so mad at me," Kuroo cuts Bokuto off, asking the question while staring vacantly up at the ceiling, and Bokuto's tense stance tenses even more at being interrupted.  
He considers the question.  
Why, was Bokuto, mad, at Kuroo.  
  
He broke it down in his head, built it back up, broke it back down again, couldn't find exactly what he was looking for. He tried to find the root of his problem, and everything started to bubble up at once. The feelings he had been hiding and forcing away were starting to surface, and he thought that maybe it was time for them to emerge.  
He realizes that he's not mad at Kuroo specifically, he's mad at the situation. He's angry that he's so confused, angry that he doesn't know how to deal with this properly, angry because he's scared.  
  
"It's not you.." he says quietly, and Bokuto picks up that he says something and looks over, but doesn't respond. Bokuto gives him a minute, before sighing, and responding louder.  
  
"I said, it's.. not you."  
  
"Then what the fuck is the matter with you," Kuroo grits his teeth, eyes wide and eyebrows raised. Bokuto feels his lip quiver, looks away, plays with the rough carpet on the ground with his toes.  
  
They stay like that for a while, until Kuroo also let's out an exasperated sigh.  
"I don't mean to get angry, I just, I don't understand,"  
"Don't understand what?"  
  
"I don't understand you," Kuroo stares back up at the ceiling, and Bokuto's heart sinks, feels like he's been punched in the stomach.  
  
"I-I'm sorry, Kuroo, I didn't mean...." and he stops talking, shakiness audible in his tone and he knows if he says one more word his voice will crack and Kuroo will know he's about to cry. He tries to swallow the lump in his throat, failing every time he attempts to do so. He simply waits, and Kuroo let's him, but eventually directs his attention back to the other boy.  
  
"I'm just so confused," he says bluntly, kicking one of Kuroo's dirty shirts from one side of the room to another with barely any force. Bokuto watches Kuroo's face twist into something he doesn't recognize. Sadness? Pain? Deep thought? He's never seen Kuroo's face when he was anything but happy, determined, or sly. And time passes by slowly, Bokuto watching the clock on the other side of Kuroo's bed as five minutes pass, then ten, and then fifteen. Kuroo says nothing, and Bokuto says nothing either.  
So he opens the door to Kuroo's room, and steps out, makes his way down the stairs. He changes back into the same outfit as the day before, grabs his phone and doesn't even think of grabbing his bag, looks back up to the staircase briefly and contemplates saying goodbye, but decides against it. Bokuto kicks a foot at the wall, pressing his head against it briefly, and leaves the house with a slam of the door behind him.

 

       Wind ruffles his downy hair, Bokuto's hands in his hoodie pocket as he walks down the street. Tree leaves are rustling, children can be heard laughing and playing, and he decides to sit down on a bench in a park that he's passing. It's about 4 pm now, he walked all the way down main street until his legs hurt, and he had been wandering around this area for almost an hour now. He doesn't know where he was going, doesn't know the train times for the day. He stills feels gross, stomach queasy and head foggy, light and heavy at the same time. The air was warm again, crisp, clean, he let himself look up into the sunny sky, laughed and found it funny when he closed his eyes and the little dots dances around underneath his eyelids from looking into the light for too long. He goes to let out a sigh but it comes out as a whine, not noticing how his throat is so closed up. He tries to open it by breathing in, but it doesn't work. He pulls his legs up to his chest, wraps his arms around them.  
He goes over everything in his mind. They were best friends, they have been for a long time, since first year training camp. They immediately hit it off, talked, laughed, Bokuto loved it. He still loved it, knew that Kuroo loved it too. He loved talking with Kuroo, loved laughing with him, loved just being around him. They felt like they slipped together perfectly, just close enough in personality and just different enough. When had these feelings started? Had they really started at the exact time he thought they did? That time that Kuroo slammed him down into the table... had that really been where his feelings had come from? Bokuto shakes his head, then buries it in his knee's, closes his eyes tightly. He searches himself for an answer, an idea, something to explain what's happening. Bokuto's thoughts were usually jumbled and confusing and he blurted them out without thinking, but a single sentence formed in his mind for once in his life,  
  
_I like Kuroo Tetsurou more than a best friend._  
  
He sputters, reaches his hands out and curls his hands up at the end of his hoodie, playing with the bottom of it.  
  
"Oh...shit.." he whispers, heart beating fast and skin warming, and he wishes this would just stop. This is the most tiring month that he's ever had.  
  
_"You haven't been yourself"_  
_"Seriously, what is up with you Bokuto-san?"_  
  
Kuroo and Akaashi had noticed that he'd been off lately, just a little, and now he was realizing that he has been off. There's slight bags under his eyes, he hadn't come to terms with how much he had been sleeping lately, but it wasn't very much. His schoolwork was becoming harder to focus on than usual, his mind usually drifting to volleyball but lately, it had drifted more towards a very particular person. Bokuto runs his hands through his hair, slowly, taps his feet, anxiously coming to the realization that he likes, possibly loves, his best friend. The thought of seeing Kuroo again made him tense. He stands up, runs a hand through his hair, watches a kid bike by on the other side of the street and notices a convenience store. Making his way in, he grabs a bottle of pepsi and some gummy worms and stands in line. He feels around for his wallet, wants to pay for this and then just go home. He planned on leaving his shit at Kuroo's anyways, he'd go get it some other time, all he brought was his pajamas and toothbrush and gel and he could always just go buy more. He left everything, and when he realizes that his wallet was in his bag, he goes pale. Bokuto huffs and scrambles to put everything back that he gathered before the cashier saw. He fast walks out the door.  
_I have to go back._  
There was no other way home besides the train, which he had to pay for, besides walking. Walking would take him hours, and he didn't know the way. Bokuto didn't want to see Kuroo again, and he knew that, but he also knew that he would feel so pathetic having to to walk all the way back to his house just to grab his wallet.  
He stands outside of the store for a dull moment, breathes, then finally builds up the spirit to walk to Kuroo's house.

And he does, and he feels like it was yesterday because he's getting the same feelings of anxiousness and nervousness bubble up inside him when he stands in front of Kuroo's door. He didn't know exactly how far he had walked, immersed in thought, until he made his way back to Kuroo's house. It was now 5:30 pm and Bokuto is praying he hasn't missed the last train yet. He stares at his feet, kicks a small pebble from the doorway, rests his hands in his hoodie pocket and plays with a piece of loose string inside. Bokuto curses, takes in a breath and tries to relieve the aching tension in his shoulders. He rests his head against the door, not bothering to knock.  
  
"Kuroo," he calls, voice in a normal speaking tone.  
  
"Kuroo," he calls, louder this time but not loud enough.  
  
He slams a hand on the door, "Kuroo Tetsurou!"  
  
Loud footsteps can be heard on the other side, pounding down a staircase, and Bokuto's stomach twists up.  
  
"Hello?" A voice calls from the other side. Bokuto sighs, audibly, an uncomfortable pause pulling it's way between them as Bokuto presses his forehead harder into the door, closes his eyes and softly say's "It's Koutarou."  
The door opens with a squeak, and Bokuto pulls his head back, see's Kuroo hasn't gotten dressed or has even attempted to fix his hair, and there's a new oily stain on the upper thigh of his pants.  
  
"Koutarou?" He asks, and when Bokuto hears his first name being used by this person in particular it makes his chest go flimsy and tight.  
  
"Hi," he says plainly, wrings his hands and watches them, noticing how Kuroo's fingers twitched when he spoke.  
"Hi," Kuroo says back, and if this wasn't the most awkward conversation ever than Bokuto didn't know what was.  
"I uh, I left my stuff here," Bokuto says, still fixated on his hands, won't look Kuroo in the eye until the silence is too much to bear and he snaps his eyes up quickly to check  
Kuroo's expression. He looks dazed, and he blinks a few times before settling with a  
"yeah, you did."  
  
Bokuto huffs.  
  
"Well, can I get it?"  
"Oh, yeah," Kuroo starts, looking down and blinking a few times again, "yes of course."  
  
The door shuts and Bokuto steps in, walks to the living room, looks around. Nothing seems out of place physically, it didn't look like Kuroo had thrown anything or cleaned up the blankets from the couch from the night before.  
"Where is it? Upstairs?" Bokuto asks, not looking at Kuroo at all. It was too much, too hard to.  
He hears Kuroo clear his throat, feels him brush his shoulder with his own as he walks by him up the staircase again.  
"I'll grab it."  
Kuroo doesn't walk up the stairs fast, or even at a normal pace, but slowly, sluggishly.  
It makes Bokuto's temper rise slightly. If he didn't hurry up and get his wallet he was going to miss the train home and he didn't know what he would do if that happened.  
"Hurry up! I'm going to miss the train!"  
More loud stomps, and then a bag shoved into his chest forcefully, although it was zipped up carefully, unlike Bokuto had left it, and it didn't smell like sweat anymore. Bokuto quirks a brow.  
  
"What did you do to it?" Bokuto asks, expects a passive aggressive or plain aggressive answer.  
"I cleaned your clothes for you, sprayed your bag with some air freshening stuff so it wasn't so gross."  
Bokuto clutches the bag in his grip more forcefully. He squeezes his eyes shut and lips into a tight line as he feels that familiar blush rise to his cheeks again. His stomach is doing flips and he feels like he needs more air than he has.  
"Thanks.... you didn't have to do that, though.." he adds. Kuroo shows the slightest of smiles, the afternoon light peeking through the window making the soft expression even softer.  
"I wanted to."  
  
Bokuto stares, wide eyed, sputters and lets something else in him take control for a moment as he drops his bag and shoves Kuroo into his living room wall, hard.  
  
"What is it!?" he yells, angry, hot blood pounding in his veins as he blushes and curses and yells at Kuroo to figure out what the hell is going on, to find an answer to something. He doesn't even know what he's saying anymore, it all just comes out in jumbled questions and thoughts.  
  
"What is it!? I don't get it!" Bokuto walks up to him at the wall, clenches his fists at his sides and then brings one up to his chest. Kuroo see's the movement, and by instinct reaches out and grabs Bokuto's wrist, thinking that he may try to punch him. They're both breathing heavily, but this time from anger, staring at eachother.  
  
"What is it you don't get, Bokuto," Kuroo says through gritted teeth.  
"What are you being so nice to me for after that!? After all this!" He yells, watches Kuroo wince at the hurt in his loud voice, knows the neighbours could probably hear but doesn't care.  
  
"Am I not allowed to be nice!?" Kuroo laughs while giving his retort, expression twisted and confused but angry.  
"No! No you aren't!" Bokuto reaches his hands up, grabs Kuroo by the shoulders and pushes him harder into the wall once, before resting his hands there in a tight grip.  
"You're not allowed to be nice to me for no reason after we fight! You can't just start being nice and act like nothing even happened!" He's sniffling and he knows if he says another word, even if he wants to just release it all onto Kuroo right now, he knows he'll start to cry. So Bokuto stops there, tries to glare menacingly into Kuroo's eyes, but gives up when his watery eyes and quivering lips fail him and he just looks down.  
  
"So what did happen Bokuto? What happened that is so bad that you're fighting me?" Kuroo yells and his voice is choppy, pissed off. Bokuto's ears ring as he processes the question, doesn't know how to answer.  
  
"I don't know!"  
  
"You don't know?" Kuroo chuckles, and Bokuto, who always loved Kuroo's sarcastic chuckling, hates it right now.  
"Want me to recap for you? Alright," and Kuroo pushes Bokuto back and the boy stumbles to stay on his feet as he steps backwards.  
"You were tense all night," Kuroo begins, talking with his hands as well, "we watch a movie and some girl is moaning, we both start thinking about it and you go to bed and start fucking, _flirting_ with me," Kuroo winces when he says the word 'flirting', looks down to the right, as if it hurts to day. Then he takes a step closer, and Bokuto takes a step back.  
  
"I wasn't fli-"  
  
"And then! We made out, buddy, we did didn't we, and then? Then I jacked you off. Then? We went to sleep, case closed, no strings attatched, but you had to turn it into some big fucking, weird, shitty question and drink yourself to sleep because you're stupid! Sometimes friends do stuff like that! It's okay and there's no need to get so...so bent out of shape about it! I was trying to help you out!"  
  
All the comebacks in Bokuto's head go spiraling downwards and out of him, and he brings his hands up to his face because he's crying full force and he can't stop. He bends down and rests a hand on the side of the couch and tries to calm himself, take deep breathes, find out a way to make this stop. He doesn't know how. Instead, he just starts  making short, hiccuping noises.  
  
"I'm sorry," he says, simply, doesn't know what to do besides apologize.  
And then silence, 5 minutes? Maybe 10? Bokuto couldn't tell, could only focus on trying to stop crying and getting his eyes to stop being so puffy. He's shaking, he's exhausted, and he sits down on the floor with crossed legs and head in his hands.  
  
"I'm sorry," he says again, tries to make it louder but the lump in his throat stopped him and made it croak out pathetically. More silence, and then after what feels like years, a warm body is sitting close to him, knee's bumping each others, and just wait.  
Bokuto looks up, watches Kuroo reach to take his hand, but he pulls away.  
  
"Hey," Kuroo says, but Bokuto looks away, goes to stand up.  
"Hey," Kuroo says again, and Bokuto knows he's trying to sound soothing, and what makes him the most angry is that it's working.  
"Hey, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that, the stupid thing, I..." Bokuto watches Kuroo's face intently, watches rosy red leak from his tan neck to his jaw to his upper cheeks.  
  
"Bo, I don't want to be mad at you, I don't like to be, I'm sorry, look," Kuroo reaches for Bokuto's hands again, but this time he lets Kuroo weave his fingers through and feel the warmth through each others palms. Bokuto sniffles, tugs at his hand to get it away when he notices it's wet with tears, but Kuroo places his other hand atop their two intertwined ones, watches them as he speaks.  
  
"I am, I'm so so sorry. Stay here tonight, the train closes at 6 tonight remember? You won't make it," Kuroo speaks so softly that Bokuto can barely hear, his ears pounding and dusting pink.  
  
"But-"  
  
"I'll sleep on the couch, go climb in my bed and play on your phone for a few hours until you're tired enough to sleep, you don't have to see me," Kuroo swallows thickly, Bokuto notes a few tears blinked way as the black haired mutters, "don't have to look at me."  
Bokuto reaches a hand up, traces a finger along Kuroo's neck, up to the shell of his ear, tucks a stray hair behind it, watches as Kuroo jumps ever so slightly at the intimate touch.  
  
"S-" Bokuto swallows, tries to sound as sure and one hundred percent okay as he wants to be, "sure."  
Kuroo's tears come a bit more now, but he blinks them away quickly and wipes some away with his fingers and palm.  
  
"Thank you, thank you thank you," is repeated over and over and Kuroo helps him up, holds his hand and walks him up the stairs and into his room. While Kuroo's house everywhere else didn't look disheveled, his room sure did. Volleyball equipment thrown everywhere, clothes, the cat plushie is on the other side of the room upside down, the blankets are a mess at the foot of the bed. He blinks, and Kuroo lets out a sigh, running his hands through his thick, equally messy hair.  
  
"Here," he says, crouching in front of an outlet next to his bed and grabbing a phone charger from the shelf, plugging it in.  
  
"Can I have your phone?" he asks, and Bokuto fishes it from his pocket, arms shaking and whole body quivering. More warmth sweeps through him as he watches just how nice Kuroo is being now, and he doesn't understand. He doesn't understand how he can be so nice after all of that, how he can just give up on how Bokuto physically pushed him into a wall and yelled in his face! He shakes his head, watches Kuroo plug in his phone and watches it light up.  
  
"There," he says, clapping his hands together. Silence.  
"Well, if you need anything let me know. Water?" Kuroo says. The lump in Bokuto's throat is back and he struggles around the words "no, thank you," before shuffling towards the bed and sitting down. He picks up his phone, types in the passcode and tries to find an owl game in his owl game collections to help him distract himself from Kuroo making the bed with him in it, pulling the thickly woven blankets up and over his legs and to his thighs. Kuroo gets up to leave without another sound, but turns around, looks at Bokuto in the eye, and says  
  
"I'm really sorry I made you feel so shitty, dude," in the most broken voice he's ever heard leave his best friends mouth.  
  
When the door shuts, Bokuto rolls over, discarding his phone as he sobs into the pillow.  
He didn't want this, didn't want all of this confusion and sadness and anxiety and he was just so scared. He didn't understand, but what he thought he did understand, the fact that the feelings he felt were induced by anger, was actually not a fact at all.  
  
And he cried, and cried, and cried, until his eyes were puffy and it hurt to breathe, until no sounds came out anymore but just hiccuping gasps for breath. Bokuto reaches an arm around to pull the blankets up to his shoulders, and then let's it fall back down, hitting the pillow beside him.  
The last thing he notices before he drifts off into an exhaustion lured sleep is the wet stain on the pillow beside him that's touching his hand, collects from this that the stain feels similar to the one pressing against his own face from the tears on the pillow he had just made.  
  
And again he falls asleep with Kuroo on his mind, this time confused but more content after getting that crying all out of him, after yelling and pushing. Realizing that the wetness on the other pillow are tears, his breath hitches and he retracts his arm back to press the pillow into his face as he buries himself in it in a futile hope to get away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SO SO SO SO SOOOOO SO OOOOOO SORRY FOR THIS OH LORD  
> I CRIED WHILE TYPING THIS PLEASE FORGIVE ME  
> The editing is terrible i will try again later pls forgive spelling+grammar mistakes, other things that are out of place, etc, i wrote this in a rush near the end because I got inspired more by a very very nice commenter thank u <3
> 
> ((talk to me about bokuroo and bokuto related things on my twitter, @owlfuker))  
> TERRIBLY SORRY FEEL FREE TO YELL AT ME FOR THIS IN THE COMMENTS I DESERVE IT  
> BUT IF U LIKED IT AND UR AN ANGST LOVING FUCK THAN LEAVE A COMMENT ANYWAYS/KUDOS BC IT'S VERY VERY GREATLY APPRECIATED THANK U


	4. Steady Your Ears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He pretends this is what he wanted the whole time. Pretends that if they came to a conclusion then it was the conclusion he's wanted from the very beginning. He tells himself he's content with this outcome, he's happy.  
> It hurts less this way.

      He wakes up to a musty, stinging smell on his nose. The blankets are warm and light, and Bokuto feels better than he did the night before. Orange light fills the room, dances across the blankets in funny moving patterns. Bokuto shifts, rolls onto his side to see Kuroo standing there, head out the open window and staring out at the sky. A dusty gray fog made its way through the window and past Kuroo, to float over the bed. Bokuto coughed, managed to rasp out a sound to get Kuroo's attention.  
  
"Hey, what's this smoke?" he coughs again.  
Kuroo jumps at the sound, wobbles and loses his balance, the bottom of the bed catching his feet as he falls back first into the bed.  
  
"Shit," he says, keeping his one hand up in the air with a lit cigarette in it, obviously trying not to get the ashes or flame on anything. Bokuto blinks, barely out of his early morning haze. He coughs again, the smoke now closer to him.  
  
"Shit, sorry, I didn't know you were up," he says, as if that was an explanation itself. Bokuto sits up, feels well rested, opening his eyes fully and reaching an arm up to stretch.  
  
"Don't be, just," he coughs again, "can you put that out?"  
  
Kuroo blinks, nods, then reaches to the windowsill to put it out. He closes the window, grabs the curtains and fans the smoke until it looks like it's disappeared and only a faint, dull smell remains.  
Kuroo sits back down on the bed, and Bokuto leans up and crosses his legs. The two sit there for a moment, not moving, fixating on some object in the room while they delved deep into their thoughts on what they should do.

Bokuto wouldn't say he's particularly mad anymore, he just feels guilty. Guilty for getting physical with Kuroo, especially. He feels bad for slamming the door and he feels bad for being sarcastic and he feels bad that he made Kuroo angry. Yet he knows Kuroo said some mean things too.

"Hey," Bokuto says, catches Kuroos attention and he looks towards him.

"I'm sorry," he swallows, "for pushing you, and for yelling," he twiddles his thumbs, thinks about how it's too early for him to be thinking like this and how he just woke up and can't think straight.  
Kuroo laughs.

"Bo, you have every right to be mad at me, man, I was really shitty to you," he murmurs, moves his hand subconsciously across the blanket, in a straight line back and forth.

"Yeah, but, I still want to apologize," Bokuto breathes slowly, feels his neck break into that cold sweat again, "I want it to all be okay again, so we can move on and forget about all of this," the words sting his tongue. He doesn't want to forget it.

_I don't want to forget it, I don't want to pretend that it's not what I want_

"We don't have to do anything like this anymore, and then everything will be okay again, yeah?" Bokuto forces a small smile, knows it doesn't look convincing.  
  
_I don't want to lie to you_  
  
But Kuroo has already pulled his eyes away from him, stares out the window with the same expression Bokuto saw the day before while Kuroo was sprawled out on the bed staring at the ceiling. His brows drew together, he closed his eyes, let out a long breath through his nose.  
  
"If you want to forget about it," he stands up, walks towards the door, "then we can," and Bokuto can tell he's upset so he jumps from the bed on shaky legs and follows him out the door downstairs.  
  
"If you want to talk more about it, I will," Bokuto says, following him into the kitchen. Kuroo puts two bowls down on the counter softly, reaches in the cupboard and pulls out two boxes of cereal. Bokuto points to one and Kuroo pours it, grabs some milk and pours that too, waits for Bokuto to say when, and then brings it to the table.  
Kuroo sits down, shoveling the food in his mouth, and Bokuto laughs, something he missed doing. It hadn't been that long since he laughed, but for Bokuto, a few hours without laughing was like a week. Kuroo chews, swallows, smiles back.  
  
"I think we should.." he says, and Bokutos stomach does flips. He sits down, nervous, bringing a shaking hand holding his spoon to his mouth as he begins to eat. He licks his lips, puts his spoon down, licks his lips again, realizes he doesn't feel hungry anymore. He takes a breath in, knows today he's not fighting, he's just going to talk, calmly, about what happened, no matter how hard he blushes or gets flustered.  
  
"Sometimes, I thought, y'know, friends help each other out right?" Kuroo says, not looking up at him, just picking at his food.  
  
"You were nervous all night and you kept blushing and I don't know..." he swallows a bite of cereal, then stirs the bowl and puts the spoon down, rests his chin on his hand and looks at the fridge.  
  
"I thought maybe you wanted some kind of help or something, like, relief."  
  
Bokuto lets out a loud, audible breath at that, and he knows he's blushing again, angry that he got flustered so fast.  
  
"So it..." Bokuto swallows, wrings his hands, bounces his leg up and down. The cold sweat is back.  
  
"So it um," he squeezes his eyes shut, "so it didn't mean anything, right?" Bokuto says, voice shaky and the lump in his throat back.  
  
Kuroo closes his eyes tightly when Bokuto said it, he looked like Bokuto just rubbed the salt in a wound he didn't know Kuroo had. Kuroo swallows, and Bokuto watches him struggle to find the right words.  
  
"No, no it, didn't mean anything," Kuroo closes his eyes and sighs. Bokuto winces, feels like he's been hit in the stomach but the same feeling in his chest. He doesn't know if he's gone pale or red, blinks rapidly to make sure the tears don't look like they're even going to come out.  
  
_I want it to mean something_  
  
But it doesn't, and Bokuto's heart sinks. Kuroo breaths in quickly and turns to Bokuto.  
  
"I told you, friends do this all the time, it's just a stress relief thing," Kuroo says, sounding unsure. Bokuto nods slowly, realizes he's grasping at straws, but feels the need to do anything he can do get as close to what he wants as possible.  
  
"All the time?"  
  
"Yeah, definitely, all the time, boys and other boys, girls and other girls, boys and girls, it's not a big deal, just... you know, like, friends with benefits, or something," Kuroo stands up and strides to the fridge and pours himself some orange juice, drinks half of it in one go. Bokuto stares at his hands, fidgets, wonders if he should say what he wants to. He taps his feet, and forces himself to speak, knowing nothing will happen if he doesn't at least say what he wants.  
  
"If friends do this all the time..." Kuroo notices the hesitation in Bokutos voice and snaps his head to look at him, a look of disbelief on his face, as he watches Bokuto blush and look away.  
  
"... then, then would it be so bad," he continues, "if we did that again?"  
  
Bokuto doesn't look at Kuroo in the eye, knows he's sweating and he wipes them on his pants anxiously, watches as Kuroo's body slumps back into the counter as he places a hand on it for leverage. Kuroo coughs quietly, takes a sip of juice, takes in a large, heavy breath.  
  
"Again? Like the, the...that.. _thing_...we did Friday night...?" Kuroo suddenly sounds shy, as if talking about it was shameful even after he said it so casually while they fought.  
  
Bokuto lets out a breathy "yeah.." and Kuroo places his orange juice down on the counter.  
  
"Oh, uh," Kuroo taps his fingers on the counter, faces away from Bokuto towards the sink. Kuroos ears turn pink.  
  
"Yeah, if you, if you ever wanna like, let off steam or, if you ever feel stressed or anything, I'll.." Kuroo blinks, looks into the sink, "I'll be here."  
  
Bokuto smiles slightly, "okay, thanks.. you too, if you ever feel that way, or anything.." and Bokuto feels so awkward and out of place. While his confusion defused, now knowing exactly what the problem was, he assumes this is the way to fix it. If he closes the sexual tension between them without causing more problems, all should be well.  
  
_It will be enough_ , he tells himself.  
  
Kuroo sits down across from him at the table, and Bokuto looks into his bowl of now mushy, half eaten cereal. Kuroo smiles.  
  
"Friends, no strings attached," he says, places his elbows on the table and head in his palms.  
Bokuto struggles a smile, "yeah, no strings attached."  
  
And Kuroo smiles a big toothy grin, and reaches his hand out in a fist. Bokuto smiles back, a strange affection and fervor growing in his chest and up into his neck and arms.  
"Best bros?" Kuroo says, and Bokuto raises his hand in a fist too, and the two connect their fists together.  
"Best bros," Bokuto responds.  
  
       When they finish eating, or rather when Bokuto musters up the courage to scrape his gross soggy cereal into the garbage with a spoon while gagging as Kuroo laughs at him for having a weak stomach, Bokuto gathers his things and get's dressed. This time, he checks his bag and every room with Kuroo so he doesn't leave anything, knowing how forgetful he was. After a full sweep of the house, and after Bokuto checks for his wallet in his jean pockets about four times, he's ready to leave. He stood at the entryway to Kuroo's house, waiting as Kuroo had told him to wait for a moment while he went to get something. Bokuto taps his feet, adjusts his backpack slung around his shoulders. While he knew he had to leave, and that he was ready in what would seem like all aspects, he knew he was missing one. He was ready to leave with all of his things, but not himself. He didn't feel like leaving and not seeing Kuroo for who knows how long. He wants to stay another night, skip school, all week if he has to, to just be around Kuroo again. Now that the fighting has passed and they had both come to.....some kind of agreement that Bokuto wouldn't let himself think about right now, he felt like he needed more time to catch up. Fighting and apologizing is one thing but he feels like it hasn't been fully been solved, feels like there's still something to be said even if he doesn't know what that is. He exhales heavily through his nose and closes his eyes, points his head up at the ceiling in thought.  
  
_I don't want to leave_  
  
As much rest as he had gotten, he understands that the problem he thought they had solved has just created a newer problem that Bokuto can't figure out.  
  
_Friends did this for friends_ , like Kuroo said,  
_  
So why do I feel like this? Like...like..._  
  
He couldn't explain it besides it being empty, a road that abruptly ended when you were told there would be a destination waiting for you at the end. He went through all of this and the fighting and the deep thinking that left him with headaches to come to an agreement that he didn't really know if he wanted.  
Kuroo's steps break him out of his thoughts, and Bokuto snaps into his more awake self again, easily.  
  
"Here, I uh, I grabbed some change for you," Kuroo says, reaches his hand out and Bokuto opens his palm without thinking, accepts the change being dumped into it.  
  
"Oh, dude, you don't have to like, give me anything. I have money."  
  
Kuroo laughs whole hearted laugh and places a hand on his hip while another rests at his side.  
  
"It's the least I could do, man."  
  
Bokuto tries so hard not to let the blush rise to his face, tries to fight it but fighting just made it worse. He looked down, back up into Kuroo's eyes and then quickly back down again.  
  
"If you're, sure.."  
  
"I am," Kuroo smiles, and Bokuto feels like he's going to die of... embarrassment? Endearment? He couldn't tell anymore. All he knew was that he was getting an overwhelming urge to just take Kuroos hands in his own and kiss him softly, and  _that's_ enough to make him flush from his head down splotchy to his chest.   
  
"Well I, um..."  
  
"And this too," Kuroo raises his other hand, gives Bokuto a bottle of water, "in case you get thirsty, on the train or something." Kuroo retracts quickly, crosses his arms, as if he's embarrassed. They're both flushed, both probably equally as confused.  
  
"Thank you, I'll drink it," Bokuto cringes at himself.  
  
_Yeah, of course you'll drink it, you don't have to tell him that_  
  
Bokuto resists the urge to shake his head, but Kuroo laughs it off, a little more anxious this time around.  
  
"Well," Bokuto tries to seem normal and cheery, and he believes it's working as best it can.  
"I'm off!" he smiles, turns around with the water bottle gripped tightly in his hand and the change held loosely in the other.  
He can feel Kuroo's gaze on him, heavy, as he turns around and walks out the door.

"See ya," Kuroo says faintly, and closes the door quietly.

        The train ride home didn't feel as long as Bokuto thought it would. He kept himself staring down at his phone and tapping absently at the cartoon owl on the screen of the game he was playing. When he tapped, the owl would jump up onto a platform, the goal to get as high up as possible and collect coins and such while dodging enemies. He had just gotten enough coins to buy the owl a pair of pink sunglasses to wear when the train came to a stop and he stood up to leave. He downs the second quarter of the water Kuroo gave him, notices how it's still cold and the condensation on the outside of the bottle still dripped down the sides.  
  
He walks home, his house not far from the train station, hands in his pockets and a cool breeze feeling good on the warm afternoon light. His legs hurt from the day before from walking so much, and he felt tired again even now. As much energy as Bokuto had, he wasn't used to fighting, wasn't used to emotions this strong taking over his thoughts so often, and emotionally he was so drained. He was so drained emotionally it was affecting him physically as well, although Bokuto didn't connect these two together himself, he just knew that he was tired and didn't know why.  
  
He walks through the front door, calls a quick "I'm home" to anyone that would be listening, sipping at the water bottle as he makes his way to his room up the stairs, flops down on his bed. He spreads his arms out, feels the blankets, enjoys how they're cold on his warm skin and it feels good. He feels content, easier to push this lingering problem to the back of his mind now that they're finished fighting.  
Bokuto can't help but think about it and run it by in his head before anything else, though.  
  
The explanation of 'friends with benefits' that Kuroo gave him sounded like something he should have known already, sounded like he was, as a 17 year old boy, supposed to know about. But the topic that baffled him more was that _Bokuto himself_  had suggested that they, they both, engage, in a 'friends with benefits' kind of relationship.  
And Bokuto, after blushing and stuttering, tried to talk with Kuroo for real about it. If they wanted to, if they really wanted to, or if they actually did just want to leave their sexual encounter behind. And if Bokuto knew anything, he knew that they were both not lying in that aspect. He knew for a fact that he didn't want to let it go, he wanted to continue. He also knew that Kuroo also didn't want to just let it go either, could tell by the way he waited eagerly for Bokuto's answers to his questions, by the way he stared away vacantly in thought and with such a painful expression when Bokuto suggested they actually do leave it in the dust.  
He wanted to drag this out as long as he could, wanted to ride the coattails of that sexual encounter into something more, anything. Bokuto knew he wanted anything more and he would take anything.  
He would take friends with benefits.  
He wants that. He could do just friends with benefits, because if he had the idea that that was all he wanted in the first place, it would be easier to keep the real problem at bay with himself, to be able to push it away.  
It was easier that way.  
  
Bokuto get's the urge to text Akaashi, tell him the whole deal and ask him for advice. Akaashi always gave the best advice. But, Bokuto didn't know if Akaashi had... any experience with that sort of thing, in relationships or how he couldn't tell the difference between all of these new feelings that were sprouting when he looked at Kuroo. He didn't know how he would explain anything because he had no idea what was happening either, and all of the lines between his friendships and romantic relationships and sexual urges were all being blurred together by one person. Not only this, but he didn't know if Akaashi would even accept any of it, and that made Bokutos gut twist up at the thought of Akaashi disapproving like that for something so important. Bokuto reaches behind his back, felt his muscles were tense and starting to ache. He also felt another familiar ache form inside his forehead, spreading around to the back of his head. He drank the rest of the bottle of water in one sitting, quickly, before dropping back onto the bed with a thump and a creak from the bed springs.  
His eyelids are heavy, and he lets them weigh down and close his eyes, let's his body go slack right there, thinks he'll worry about it in the morning.  
  
      School the next day was hell. Monday's were never easy for Bokuto to do because it was hard to reciprocate from all the fun he had on the weekend and replace his mindset with a serious, studying one. So, for most of the time, he just didn't.  
He had managed to push thoughts of Kuroo down to a minimum for about 3 days, volleyball practice becoming so much more easy when he stopped thinking of him. Whenever he began to think of him, he'd remind himself that everything was okay now, things were cool between them, better than cool. Bokuto tries to convince himself that this is what he wanted, wanted them to be content and, apparently, fuck buddies. He tries to convince himself all that he's wanted from Kuroo from the start, besides his friendship, is sex. When he thinks this way, it feels as if he's accomplished something, and Bokuto can't live without accomplishment.  
Volleyball had gone well, he practiced more straights, and he only had a few times he had gotten discouraged during practice games. He had fun, talking and bouncing around as usual.  
Though this didn't last long.  
  
When practice was finished and Bokuto was chatting with his team, towl strung around his neck and shoulders, he fished his phone from his bag to check the time to see if he could practice a bit later. When he turned his phone on, and the lockscreen showed his missed messages, his stomach twisted. A message from his mother asking when he was getting home was the first one, but the second one, texted to him a little under an hour ago, was the cause for his stomach pains.

 **From: Kuroo  
**  
**hey,u back from practice yet?**

  
Bokuto swallows thickly, types out a quick message without having to think,

 **To: Kuroo  
**  
**Yeah, I just finshed, what's up??**

  
**To: Kuroo  
**  
***finished**  
  
  
He waits there anxiously for a reply until Akaashi slaps him lightly on the back,  
  
"Come on, are we staying to practice a bit more or what?"  
Bokuto swallows again, panic set in his eyes, doesn't know what to do. He looks at Akaashi, then down to his phone again, then back to Akaashi.  
  
"I, I actually don't feel so good," he lies, and Akaashi can tell. The black haired crosses his arms, boredly responds with "you sure that's the reason?" as he glances down at Bokutos lit up phone.  
Bokuto pouts, "yeah, it's chill, Akaashi, my guy, I just have some...." Bokuto scratches the back of his neck, "I need to get home to study there's this big test tomorrow..." he trails off while he grabs his things.  
He knows if he stays a second longer Akaashi would have him cornered, as the absolute worst lie has come out of his mouth and Akaashi would easily see through it. He hears a heavy sigh as he rushes out of the gym door, struggling to keep his bag on his shoulder as he walks frivolously down the sidewalk to his house.  
He texts his mom back on his way, but can't muster up the courage to check if Kuroo had messaged him back.

      When he arrives home, kicking off his shoes quickly and making his way to the kitchen for his usual evening snack, he places his phone on the table as he opens the fridge. He grabs a cute cup he'd bought shaped like an owl, and puts it under the coffee machine they have, runs boiling water into it from the machine and places a tea bag inside. He grabs a cookie, no, two cookies, he feels as though he deserves it, and brings it to the living room. He strides back to the kitchen to grab his phone and opens it as he walks back to the living room and thumps down on the couch, anxiously staring at the screen. He stares at it for a few minutes, until his phone dings loudly and the screen lights up and Bokuto almost drops his phone when he jumps from surprise.

 **From: Kuroo:  
**  
**Nothing**

  
Bokuto's brows furrow in confusion as he assumes the worst, was Kuroo angry with him again? Did he do something wrong?  
He opens his phone, starts typing out "did I do something wrong?" but only get's so far as "do" before his phone dings in his hands again, and he jumps yet again. He hastily reads the message, scared he did something wrong again.

 **From: Kuroo:  
**  
**i was just thinking abt u**  
  
  
"Oh.." Bokuto whispers aloud, relief rushing over him. The wrinkle in between his brows smooths out and softens again as his eyes become more loving and happier, his belly going warm, and he smiles as he types out a response, trys to resist the urge to kick his legs.

 **To: Kuroo:**  
**  
I've been thinking about you too..**

  
**From: Kuroo:**  
**  
i liked spending time with u last weekend**  
  
  
**From: Kuroo:  
**  
**it was fun.**  
  
  
Bokutos heart goes warm, Kuroo could be so sweet sometimes.

 **To: Kuroo:  
**  
**I had a lot of fun too!! I learned a lot about you my man! I didn't know you smoked!! But yeah, I hope if we're still chill we can do it again sometime :-)**  
  
  
**From: Kuroo:  
**  
**miss me already? ;)**  
  
  
Bokutos sweet, warm expression goes more flustered at this as he bows his head and feels as his face goes warm. He shuts his eyes, really? It takes him a few minutes to reciprocate from that powerful blow, and Bokuto tries to play along.  
  
  
**To: Kuroo:  
**  
**Mayyyybeeee :)**

  
Kuroo seems to respond to the other part of Bokutos message a little bit late.  
  
  
**From:Kuroo:  
  
aha, ye man, i smoke when im stressed, hope u dont mind**  
  
  
Bokuto doesn't respond, as Kuroo responds to his "mayyyybeeee :)" instead.

 

 **From: Kuroo:**  
**  
nah im just joking dude, but we should do it again. was fun.**

 

 **To: Kuroo:**  
**  
yeah...**

 

Bokuto flushes, doesn't know if he should ask the question on his mind or if he should just tell Kuroo he needs to sleep and then go to bed.  
He shakes his head, knows it's now or never. He shakily, and slowly, types out:

**  
To: Kuroo:**

**Is our deal from before still like, on and shit?**

He's blushing and he holds his cheeks in his hands in a desperate attempt to cool himself down with his cool hands, it doesn't work very well. Kuroo takes a few minutes longer than he did before at responding.

**  
From: Kuroo:**

 

**ya, omfg, of course it is**

**  
To: Kuroo:  
  
** **If you're okay with it and you don't have plans or you aren't busy or anything then if it's okay do you think I could like, come over again this weekend coming up?**

  
He gets an immediate response.  
  
  
**From: Kuroo**  
**  
fuck yea, come stay saturday night, its gonna b lit**  
  
  
Bokuto snorts at that, giggles into his hand a bit as he remembers he's made tea and takes a sip, wincing at the burn but continuing to sip on it anyways. He see's his phone light up again.

 **From: Kuroo:**  
  
**and for the record, no homo**  
  
  
And Bokuto is laughing again, and he responds with only one finger.

 

 **To: Kuroo:**  
**  
OH MY GOD!! That's a joke right???!!?**

 

 **From: Kuroo:**  
**  
aha, definitely**

 

Bokuto smiles.

  
  
**To: Kuroo  
**  
**I'll see you then!! :)**

 

 **From: Kuroo  
**  
**swaggy**

 

Bokuto laughs into his hand again, and turns his phone off. With a warm feeling in his chest and a blush high on his cheeks, he watches his reflection in his green tea, rippling and reflecting his half lidded golden eyes.  
He smiled at himself softly.  
_Fuck buddies_ , he remembers, an intrusive thought that he wants to leave him alone.  
His smile drops, and he turns neutral again, sips his tea, eats his cookies in silence as he stares vacantly at a spot on the wall.  
He leaves his cup on the side table and goes upstairs for bed, doesn't shower, decides he'll wake up early to because he doesn't feel like it, and crawls into bed and turns off the light.

"Friends with benefits" he repeats to himself out loud, and he squirms, realizes he doesn't like the sound of that. He's scared it will hurt more, knows deep down that is  _does_ fucking hurt more.  
  
Bokuto covers his eyes, even though it was dark, it was more of a reflex to trying to hide these feelings he''s having, and he sighs. He sighs and its long and deep and breathy because he's so tired. He pushes the thought to the back of his mind with all of his might, fills his brain with the fact that he's going to see Kuroo the next day. Reminds himself that nothing is all bad, that this is a good thing, tries to convince himself he loves it.  
  
Bokuto rolls over, fidgets, but eventually, around midnight, he falls into a blissful sleep.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhhhh ok so no smut this chapter, but ill make up for it soon my dudes!!  
> School is taking a toll on me so im terribly sorry if these chapters aren't out as soon as i'd like!
> 
> Talk to me about Bokuroo and Bokuto related things at my twitter, @owlfuker  
> Again the song im using for chapter names+the name of the fic is The Start of Something by Voxtrot! (its very pretty pls listen i love it, bless)
> 
> You don't have to leave a comment if you don't want to but it's greatly appreciated and helps me stay inspired!! <3


	5. I Loved It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He learns so much about Kuroo he wished he knew sooner, wished he knew his favourite movies sooner, his favourite drinks, his favourite hobbies, how he could cook, the taste of his lips and the feel of his hair running through his fingers.

       The next day couldn't have been any longer. Bokuto's attention would wander to Kuroo every few minutes, reminding him of how he's going to go over to Kuroo's house again tonight. He snaps out of it, snaps into it, snaps out again. Every minute Bokuto had to spend scribbling down notes he didn't understand very well was torture. Lunch was torture, because he had gotten through his first few periods but then when he realized this aching process was only half finished, he groaned. It took forever, and Bokuto was thankful that there was no practice after school today because he wasn't sure that he would have been able to handle it.  
  
Akaashi caught him at lunch, and was quieter than Akaashi usually is.  
  
"How did the studying go last night?" Akaashi said. Bokuto's lips play a smile, this was the first time Bokuto had been able to lie successfully to Akaashi, he never had been able to before.  
"It went well," Bokuto gives short answers, chews his food as he refuses to look at Akaashi.  
"What was it on?" Bokuto searches his mind.  
"E-english"  
"Do you think you failed it?"  
  
Bokuto shakes his head and smiles, "I think I did pretty well, even for me!"  
  
Akaashi goes silent for a moment, and when Bokuto turns to him he has a smirk of his own. Long lashes blink and then look up at him, and with a satisfied smile he says,  
  
"You have English last period of the day."  
  
Bokuto short circuits, realizes that Akaashi is right, that Akaashi set him up because he knew he was lying this whole time. He pouts.  
They don't say anything for a while, Bokuto ceases kicking his legs happily and instead watches the clouds go by in thought. Akaashi ate but watches Bokuto's every move, tries to figure him out, tries to figure out what was bothering his captain.  
  
"So are you going to tell me why you left last night?" Akaashi says, wipes his mouth on his sleeve and folds up his now finished lunch.  
The bell rings, and Bokuto doesn't think he has ever been happy for lunch to be over before today. He feels like he still needs to talk about it though, and he knows Akaashi will just continue to ask him and it's not like Bokuto can just avoid him, so as he gets up to leave he frowns slightly.  
  
"Could I tell you later?" he says, and Akaashi nods while looking up at him as Bokuto walks back to his class, grabbing and clutching his hands together as he gets ready for English class.

The final bell rings, and Bokuto wipes sweat from his brow as he stuffs everything into his backpack and sets a fast pace walk to the train station. He had put his clothes and things he needed for the night in his backpack before he went to school that morning. Bokuto scratches his forehead, sifts away some stray hairs that had come undone from his gelled hair throughout the day.  
He pulls out his phone, scrolls to Kuroo's name, and opens a new message.

  
**To: Kuroo:**

**I'll be there soon!! :-)**

  
      The train ride is long too, and Bokuto doesn't think he's ever been so impatient to get anywhere in his life. He tries playing mobile owl themed games, but gets angry with them quickly as his hands won't stop shaking and he keeps tapping the wrong things.  
He lets out a quiet sound of anger, yet it doesn't go unnoticed by the people around him on the train. He grumbles to himself, feeling embarrassed. When the train comes to a stop at where he's supposed to get off, he almost misses it, his mind is too preoccupied with a thought that he hasn't thought of yet today.

_"Is our deal from before still like, on and shit?"_

He cradles his head in his hands for a moment before quickly getting up and stumbling out of the train with his bag and phone clutched tightly to him.  
His stomach drops, twists, churns together in a fit of butterflies that he can't keep calm. The fact that Bokuto is going to be doing.. things... with Kuroo when Bokuto get's to his house makes him so anxious his legs turn wobbly and it becomes harder and harder to walk to Kuroo's house. His breath is ragged, chest going tight and he's so nervous he can't think straight.  
Bokuto tries to focus, knows if he doesn't he'll get lost, and he quickly checks the signs on the streets he's on, makes sure he doesn't get lost.  
He feels his phone vibrate in his pocket and he jumps, he feels exposed, and embarrassed for jumping and stopping in the busy sidewalk. He quickly makes his way to the side where no people will run into him, and opens his phone.

  
**From: Kuroo:**

**waiting for u**

Bokuto feels the need to type out with his shaky thumbs "nevermind, I'm going home."  
He doesn't know why he's continuing to go there even when his mind is tell him to run in the opposite direction and never look back. He feels intrigued, by his own desires but also, of course, by Kuroo Tetsurou.  
By the time he gets to Kuroo's door he's telling himself over and over,

 _Bokuto Koutarou, you do not ever give up when you commit to something_  
  
And while he was right, this was so much harder than, say, practicing straights instead of cross spikes. But he wanted to push through it, wanted to do this, and if he didn't like it, he wouldn't do it again.  
He's scared, he's shaking, he's sweating, and Bokuto knocks on the door, light as a feather.  
He waits, rocking on his heels until they hurt before knocking again, louder.  
  
The door swings open and Kuroo is standing there, hair in it's usual disheveled state, bold eyes and a playful smile on his face, dark skin hidden under a t shirt. He's wearing a t shirt and only his boxers, these ones a regular red and black plaid. Bokuto holds in a laugh, he must have been waiting for him there.  
Bokuto's eyes widen as he checks his mind to recall what boxers he wore, was it the owl ones? The owl ones with the tiny owls everywhere or the owl ones with the big owl on the front? No, he was wearing his plain light gray ones, thank God.  
Kuroo smiles at him, waves an arm out in a welcoming gesture that Bokuto hesitantly accepts. He walks slowly inside, carefully, as if walking on broken glass. He has his head down, shoulders hunched and tense.  
  
"You got here pretty quickly," Kuroo starts, and Bokuto feels a hand slip onto his hip and Bokuto doesn't even have time to react because Kuroo continues speaking to him in a hushed, low tone. Kuroo's touch turns tighter, carefully slipping his hand underneath Bokuto's loose shirt to hold onto his bare hip. Bokuto's eyes snap open and he purses his lips when Kuroo says,  
  
"Were you really that eager to see me?"

 _I'm going to die_ , Bokuto thinks, and he's almost right.

He lets out a shaky breath, and Kuroo starts rubbing his hip in tight, slow, and sensual circles, and guides him back first into the wall of the entryway.  
"Right to it, then?" Bokuto laughs quietly, and Kuroo does the same, replying with a muttered "yeah."  
Bokuto looks down, looks away, doesn't say anything through his embarrassed haze.  
  
"Hey," Kuroo whispers, puts his face closer to Bokuto, noses almost touching. With another breath, this time more shaky, Bokuto noticed how a blush bleeds into Kuroo's cheeks as he looks down, then back at him.  
  
"I've got you," he says, and Bokuto falters and his eyebrows knit together and his eyes close, biting his lower lip softly for a moment.

_Fuck it_

And Bokuto reaches his hands up to Kuroos back, presses him closer and kisses him, breathes him in, wants to drown in this feeling. Kuroo kisses right back, taking a big breath through his nose and pressing forward, and Bokuto is pressed hard into the wall. They're both messy kissing and clashing teeth but they don't care, don't care because they both crave this feeling too much to be distracted with the smaller details. Kuroo reels back, and Bokuto opens his eyes for a moment, blinking, dazed. Kuroo takes a moment to look at Bokuto's face, before bending down ever so slightly to lick a stripe up Bokuto's pale neck and he gasps at the sensation. With half lidded eyes Kuroo does it again, moving higher up each time and relishing in the full body shiver he receives every time he does it. He sucks a mark right underneath his jaw, until it's a dark red and he knows it will be a reddish purple the next day. Bokuto shivers, claws his hands up Kuroo's arms, surges forward again to press their lips together. He wants to do this for hours, just taste Kuroo in any way he can. The thought gives him an idea that threatens to send him deeper into this lustful haze.  
  
"Kuroo," Bokuto calls out, but get's no verbal response, just strong hands groping him harder, sliding up his firm chest and feeling, exploring. Kuroo kisses open mouthed, unyielding kisses down Bokuto's neck, grips his hips with both hands now in a sturdy hold, almost as if he didn't Bokuto would fly away. Kuroo presses Bokuto's hips up into his own and wraps his forearm around the small of his back, drives Bokuto into himself and keeps him there. Bokuto grips the back of Kuroos shirt, plays with the fabric as he doesn't know what else to do.  
  
"You're all hot," Kuroo points out, and Bokuto lets out a huffy breath.  
  
"That's what happens when-" but he's cut off when Kuroo cups his cheek and gives him another kiss, tongue delving into his own mouth and Bokuto is lost in this. His hands are searching again, feeling over his taut muscles that are jumping underneath his touch, and Bokuto slips his hands into the back of Kuroo's boxers, feeling the skin there in handfuls. Kuroos breath hitches and he makes a guttural noise that sends Bokuto into such a fit of desire it frightens him. They pant into each other, until Kuroo is tugging him closer and they're both weak in the knee's and Bokuto needs to sit down or something, he can't stand up properly anymore. But Kuroo decides that this is the perfect moment to nudge Bokutos feet apart, press a thigh in between his legs and thrust Bokuto into them with his hand on his lower back. He helps him get into the rhythm of it and Bokuto groans and dips his head, watches Kuroo rub him against himself in a state he didn't know he could ever reach. His knees buckle, as he tries desperately to keep himself upright. Kuroo brings an arm to his bicep, helping him stay up, and he pushes Bokuto more into himself, helping him grind down and struggle to ride his thigh, and the Fukurodani captain is moaning and scratching Kuroo like he never thought he would.  
  
"Kuroo, Kuroo, f-fuck," Bokuto stutters out, breathes in, can't think straight. Kuroo gives him a quick, light bite into his neck and Bokuto whines, turns his head away and presses his warm cheek into the cool wall.  
"You okay?" he asks, trailing a hand lightly up Bokutos spine as the other continues sliding Bokuto into and away from Kuroo's strong thigh.  
  
"I have to, we have to stop," Bokuto says, and immediately, Kuroos hands are off of him.  
"We can stop if you really want to," Kuroo says quickly, and Bokuto is shaking and he can't stand up by himself he's so hard, wraps his arms around Kuroos neck and pulls him closer, he smiles, eyes half lidded.  
  
"I don't want to stop, just- just for a second I need to, catch my breath.." he pants, and Kuroo smirks, kisses Bokuto a little more softly than before, lets Bokuto breathe through the kiss before it quickly picks up again. There's a hand grabbing his wrist and Kuroo is off of him and the black haired is leading him quickly up the stairs, they're both stumbling, drunk off lust, and when Kuroo swings open his bedroom door he yanks Bokuto inside and closes the door quickly. Bokuto watches him take a deep breath, before Kuroo turned around, and Bokuto feels a shiver make its way up, weaving in and around his spine when he sees Kuroo's expression can't be described as anything but hungry. Kuroo looks like his resolve has snapped, and he quickly walks towards Bokuto, whipping his shirt up and over his head and onto the floor in the process. Bokuto does the same, unbuckles his belt and kicks his jeans off quickly. When Kuroo walks at him, Bokuto instinctively steps back, trips on the bed and falls on it. He props himself up on his elbows as Kuroo crawls his way over top of him, settles in between Bokutos legs like he was made for it. Bokuto whines again when Kuroo traces a tongue over the stiff bulge tenting Bokutos boxer briefs. Kuroo presses his tongue into the wet spot that's formed on the cloth, and Bokuto clutches the sheets, tries desperately to hold on but he's so close to falling off he feels like he's done for. He worthlessly thrusts his hips up, and Kuroo puts an arm right above Bokuto's hips to keep him from thrusting up for more friction. Bokuto groans and covers his face with a hand, he lets out a continuous thread of moans and hitching breathes as Kuroo continues to lick along him. In this heat, Bokuto blinks his eyes open and reaches down to pull at Kuroos hand, and he looks up at him for a moment.  
  
"Wait," Bokuto says, and Kuroo lies his head on Bokuto's thighs for a moment, watches him for any signs that he wants to stop completely. Bokuto wants the opposite.  
He feels guilty for just taking this all for himself, wants to make Kuroo feel good.. or, rather, wants to 'relieve Kuroos stress that he might be keeping bottled up' instead.  
Bokuto grabs Kuroo by the shoulders and pushes him up, releases after he's rolled out from beneath him and Kuroo quickly places a hand on the bed so he doesn't fall into it and then flips himself over so he can face Bokuto again.  
Kuroo is panting, eyes half lidded, blush high on his cheeks and blotchy around his neck, skin slightly shimmery from a paper thin layer of sweat.

_He looks so good like this_

Bokuto swallows his pride, traces a single finger down Kuroos own cock in his boxers, the hitched whine that Kuroo lets out will be at the top of Bokutos favourite memories list for a long time.  
  
"What are you-" Kuroo clenches his teeth together, lets out a shaky breath.  
"I'm returning the favour," Bokuto says, grabs Kuroos calves to pull him more forward until he's just sitting on the bed with his legs bent off of it. Bokuto shimmies Kuroos boxers down and quickly gets to it before he starts to fret, starts to question things.  
  
He licks a long line up from the base to the tip, listening and watching for reactions so he can try to tell what to do. He's never done this before, but he's watched enough porn to have a general idea of what feels good. Swirls his tongue around the head, lets the whole thing slip into his mouth for a moment and rest on his tongue with his mouth open, and Bokuto feels Kuroos thigh start to shake at that. Bokuto would have smirked if his mouth wasn't already occupied, and when he takes the head into his mouth and sucks, Kuroo lets out a broken noise, curling in on himself and resting a hand on the back of Bokuto's head.  
  
"Bokuto- holy, holy shit, I" Kuroo stutters, groans, flops his back down on the bed as Bokuto listens to hot pants come from above him, and it spurrs him on. He slowly takes more into his mouth, wiggling his tongue around the length and enjoying the way Kuroos hips jump up ever so slightly whenever he slides the tip of his tongue along the slit at the top.  
Bokuto's eyebrows come together as he humps at the air for a moment, dick going unnoticed and begging for some kind of attention. Bokuto hums around Kuroo and Kuroo groans at the sensation. He brings a hand down to between his legs to stroke himself in time with the bob of his head. Kuroo is panting louder, moaning louder, and everything is fast and wet and exciting and nerve wracking.  
  
"Bokut- ah, shit" Kuroo says, and Bokuto looks up under long eyelashes to look at Kuroo's expression and its twisted into the cutest grimace he's ever seen, and he sucks harder, lets the muscles in his throat relax for a moment before slowly taking in another inch, grabbing the rest with his hand.  
  
"Bokuto I'm...I'm gonna..." Kuroo pants, lifts his head up to look at the cieling and gives Bokuto a great view of his neck from his angle.  
  
"I'm not usually this fast, I just," and Bokuto takes him a little deeper and closes his eyes, gets a better feel for the weight of it on his tongue and licks around it in his mouth,  
"fuck, dude, I can't-" and that's all the warning Bokuto gets before Kuroo is cumming down the others throat, a catch in his breath and a fist curling so tightly in the sheets his knuckles go white. Bokuto is still running a hand over his own dick, quicker and faster as he chokes a bit but tries his best to swallow it all, wants to. He pulls off, breathes in a huge breath he didn't know he needed, a bit of it spilling out the sides of his mouth, before Kuroo looks down in his post orgasm bliss, watches Bokuto continue to stroke himself for a moment.  
  
"Don't, Bo, stop," he says, voice low and gravelly and Bokutos ears are burning as his hand halts reluctantly to hear Kuroo out.  
A hand grabs his and pulls him up, Bokuto stumbling back onto the bed and Kuroo lies on top of him, kisses Bokuto with fervor he didn't know Kuroo had.  
  
"I want to do it, I want it to be me," Kuroo whispers, sits in between his legs again like earlier, and Bokuto wiggles back to give him more room. Kuroo kisses him again, licks over his lips and bites into them for a moment. Bokuto thinks for a moment that he wants Kuroos kisses but softer, wants them like this but realizes he wants to slowly undress each other, giggle and laugh, kiss softly and slowly and map out each others bodies and know every dip and curve in Kuroos body. His eyes water for a moment, because he can't do that, he won't. Knows that this won't be more, this is exactly what they'll be doing, quick and hot and passionate but not because they like each other but because, as Kuroo put it earlier that week, because it feels good.  
  
_I want him more than this_  
  
Bokuto thinks, before realizing something else.  
  
Falling in love hurts.  
  
He tries to push it out of his mind before he starts tearing up, tries to focus on this feeling in his abdomen, get lost in the feeling of Kuroos lips and teeth and tongue, and he does. Kuroo backs up and sits down on the floor, sits on his knees in front of the other boys spread legs. Bokuto is burning up, he feels hot and exposed and so, so excited when Kuroo presses his tongue to his clothed dick again and begins poking and licking at it with his tongue. Bokuto whines, he hates it, hates how loud he's being, but he can't help it.  
  
"C'monnn" Bokuto groans, tucks his face into the crook of his arm in embarrassment. Kuroo grabs into the skin of Bokutos upper thighs, pushes them farther apart, pressing them down harder into the mattress.  
  
"Tell me," Kuroo starts, pressing a finger lazily into the same wet spot from before, this time a lot bigger.  
"Tell you...uhg, what?" Bokuto whimpers, of course Kuroo would be the type to tease even more like this. In every single one of his fantasies he did this, and Bokuto thought that maybe it was just restricted to those fantasies, but apparently he didn't give himself enough credit from conjuring up a Kuroo that definitely fits the Kuroo he knew outside of his dreams.  
  
"Tell me you want me to suck your dick,"  
Kuroo slips Bokutos underwear down his thighs, and Bokuto lifts them for a moment to help, shimmies out of them as Kuroo flings them somewhere else in the room. Bokuto flushes, swallows hard, and closes his eyes because he can't possibly be more embarrassed.  
  
"Kuroo c'mon, don't make me do that.." Bokuto sighs loudly, frustrated. Kuroo keeps a firm grasp on his thighs as he nips at the inside of one of them, licks around the base of his dick for a moment.  
  
"Tell me," he starts, licks a line up again, this time in a zig zag pattern, and Bokuto moans again, fingers twitching in the sheets and sliding around, trying desperately to hold onto something. Kuroo notices, reaches up with an arrogant laugh and takes one of Bokutos hands, places it into Kuroos bedheaded hair. Bokuto smacks his head into the bed as Kuroo blows cool air over his tip. Bokuto searches his mind, tries to find something to say, can't think of anything that won't send his whole body flushing a deep crimson.  
  
"I can't, I-" and then Kuroo stops, pulls off completely and lays his head on Bokutos thigh again, then sucks another mark into his upper thigh, and Bokuto whines in frustration. His cock sits hot and heavy on his stomach and he's so hard it almost hurts.  
"God, damnit, Kuroo, just fucking do it already," he groans.  
"Do what?" Kuroo can't help it, Bokuto knows Kuroo loves to tease, apparently in the bedroom as well.  
"Do anything, please," Bokuto says breathlessly, and it seems Kuroo takes that as a satisfying answer because Bokuto can feel the smirk on his skin and then a tongue is gliding up his dick and a mouth is kissing open mouthed on his head. A hand tightens in Kuroos hair, and Bokuto's thighs shake.  
  
"Kuroo...ahh... Kuroo," he chants, legs lifting up and wrapping around Kuroos back subconsciously.  
He pulls off for a moment, licks another line up before looking up at Bokuto.  
  
"You're cute, you know that?" he says, and Bokuto's head hits the mattress because he can't deal with what Kuroo is saying anymore, too embarrassed to look at Kuroo in the eye. He smiles, and then resumes, taking him into his mouth before hollowing his cheeks slightly and Bokuto groans. He feels the familiar feeling of his orgasm beginning to mount, and he feels like this was all over too soon, but he's not complaining because he's so frantic to cum that he's barely thinking of anything else besides Kuroo. Bokuto tries to hold back a stream of moans as the pleasure just keeps getting better and better. He cracks his eyes open, mind hazy with desire.  
  
"Tet-surou.." he moans, and then his eyes are snapping open because he just fucking used Kuroos  _first name_.. _during a blowjob._  
  
Kuroo halts for a moment, and Bokuto quickly sits up and releases his hold from Kuroo's head, brings his palms up to his mouth because he just did it. Kuroo's eyes are open too, staring at Bokuto in a look of disbelief, dick still halfway in his mouth. His eyes then slowly go half lidded and Kuroo smirks around him before he clutches Bokutos thighs tighter, harder, and then takes him all the way into his throat, and Bokuto curls in on himself as well, both hands grasping tightly at Kuroos hair. Bokuto pulls and tugs at his hair subconsciously as his mouth opens and he pants out Kuroos first name again, over and over, because Kuroo swallows around him and he's never felt so good in his life.  
He cums with a shuddering cry, convulsing underneath Kuroos gaze, pulling and twisting his hands harder into Kuroos hair. Kuroo takes everything Bokuto gives him. He doesn't stop moaning, panting heavily, before his body goes slack, and he shakes lightly as Kuroo sucks a little bit more, makes Bokuto squirm a bit, overstimulated, until he breaks off with a gasp and a satisfied grin. Kuroo trails his hands up and down Bokutos thighs.  
  
"Was that cool?" Kuroo asks, smiling softly, and Bokuto just tries to focus on breathing normally again, shivers still traveling up and down his spine and warmth tingling throughout his limbs.  
"Yeah, yeah, c-cool, really cool man," he sighs, suddenly feeling a bit self concious before quickly pulling his briefs up his thighs again and tucking himself back into them with a blush.  
Kuroo laughs softly at that, sits crossed legged on the floor in front of the bed, rests his head in his hands and simply watches Bokuto recover. Watches his breathing slow, watches Bokuto press his cold hands to his cheeks in an attempt to cool himself off, watches his body and muscles relax after the whole thing. Bokuto looks down at him, catching his eye and then looking away, but eventually forces himself to pull himself back to Kuroos eyes.  
"You're spending the night right?" Kuroo asks, and Bokuto has a hard time coming out of his post orgasm high and processing the question.  
"Yeah, yeah, if that's okay, and shit," he stammers.  
  
Kuroo smiles, stands up and sits next to Bokuto on the bed.  
"So this is happening," Kuroo says, smiling, touches his hand down beside the other boys, and Bokuto tries not to flinch, successfully.  
He swallows, feels a pleasant, balmy heat stretch through his chest and into his arms and lower tummy.  
"Y-yeah," he says, laughing nervously when the word catches in his throat.  
Kuroo only smiles, and they sit there for a moment, and Bokuto watches Kuroo lift his head and lock eyes with the wall in front of him, before closing his eyes and taking a deep, long breath through his nose. He watches teeth catch his lip and Bokuto looks away, looks down, tries hard to figure out what to do now.  
"What do you wanna do?" Kuroo turns to him, and he traces a hand lazily up Bokutos forearm and he gets goosebumps.  
"W-we could, practice volleyball, or something," Bokuto says, and Kuroo quirks a brow, smiles.  
"We could," Kuroo starts, looks down at both of their almost naked forms, looks back up into Bokutos golden, hooded eyes, "but do you really think you're up for volleyball after all of that?"  
  
And Bokuto flushes, giggles for a moment as he looks away.  
"I guess you're right, yeah," he smiles fondly.  
Kuroo twiddles his thumbs for a moment.  
"I know we watched movies last time but like... do you want to watch some again?" Kuroo says, and when Bokuto looks up at him he looks hopeful, a regular playful look in his eyes that he loves so much. Bokuto gives him a big toothy grin.  
"Yeah!" He yells, pumps a fist into the air.

And they do, they walk down together at around 6 and pick up some movies from the movie store, and they talk and laugh and Bokuto feels light as a feather when they get back and pop one of the movies in. Before they start it, Kuroo pulls out some pasta he made for both of them the night before, reheats it and they both eat together, Bokuto complimenting Kuroo's cooking skills and Kuroo boasts about how he loves to cook.  
And while they watch and it gets darker and darker outside, the two enjoying eachothers presences as they sip on soda, Kuroo probably purposely not offering him anything alchoholic this time, Bokuto learns some things he didn't know about Kuroo.  
  
When he told Kuroo that he "doesn't feel like he knows him as much here as he does out there," he meant that he didn't know Kuroo much outside of volleyball. He knew how Kuroo blocked, knew how he could flirt and be sarcastic and how they could talk about volleyball forever.  
But that was usually the extent of their conversations.  
  
But now, Bokuto learned what Kuroo smelled like normally, he learned that Kuroo smoked and sometimes he drank, he learned that Kuroo loved all sorts of movies, learned how warm his skin is and how good his mouth feels. He learned that he loves everything the boy did, not limited to his amazing volleyball skills and immature yet endearing personality.  
  
Kuroos fingers grazed Bokutos, scaring him out of his thoughts, and he flinches, eyes opening wide as he tries not to look at Kuroo or attract attention to himself by pulling his hand away. A minute passes and Bokuto tunes out of the movie Kuroo is entranced in, or so he thinks he is, until Kuroo clears his throat, but doesn't say anything. Kuroo's long, dark fingers inch closer to Bokutos pale ones, before slowly slipping his hand over top of his and holding it so gently Bokuto didn't know he would be able to feel it if he wasn't so hyper aware. Bokuto looked at Kuroos face from the corner of his eye, and Kuroo has the softest smile on his features, a blush clouding his cheeks. Bokuto flushes as the sight of Kuroo blushing, but pulls his attention to the movie screen.  
  
Bokuto felt like squirming, unsure of what to do, until he lets his hand go slack for a moment before he fumbles it around to thread their fingers together. Kuroo hums, and Bokuto resists his bodies natural urge to start shaking.  
  
There are a lot of things Bokuto didn't know, a lot of things he didn't know about Kuroo especially. Some things he's learned recently he didn't think he ever would learn, like how 'Tetsurou' felt on his tongue as he calls it out in a breathy gasp, like how Kuroo could cook well and he didn't think he would have known such if this never happened, how Kuroo fidgets excitedly when the opening credits of a movie he knows he's going to like comes on, how Kuroo shows him some of his favourite movies excitedly, the way Kuroo blushes, the way Kuroo looks like before he leans in for a kiss, he loves it. He loves everything he's learned and he wants to learn more, wants to discover everything he can about this boy.  
He grasps onto the hand in his grip a little tighter, and Kuroo smiles and points at the screen, breaks out into a fit of passion as he explains another reason why that character was his favourite in the movie. Bokuto feels a genuine smile rise to his face as he appreciates this kid sitting next to him, realizes he may love him more than he thought he did.  
Bokuto wants to kiss him, slowly, with no teasing, playfully bite his lip or peck his nose, wants to hear the other boy giggle cutely. Bokuto shakes his head.  
  
_Friends with benefits_ , he reminds himself.  
  
The hand holding Kuroo's goes limp, and Bokuto's eyes lose their light.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright!!!! All aboard the smut train! Only a few more chapters to go! :-)  
> JFC I was so embarrassed writing this. The dirty talk was supposed to be better but I have a hard time not being embarrassed myself while I write shit like this omg. 
> 
> Talk to me about Bokuto and Bokuroo related things on my twitter, @owlfuker
> 
> Please leave a comment+kudos because its greatly appreciated and keeps me inspired!! <3 <3 <3


	6. Did you really mean it?

       The next morning, after a good ol' round of tired handjobs, Kuroo showers while Bokuto sleeps in. When he finishes he wakes Bokuto up by throwing the blankets off of the bed and pushing him onto the floor, much to Bokuto's displeasure. Bokuto groans, but eventually gets up to shower as well, and Kuroo makes breakfast. The two eat when Bokuto get's out. While he puts the dishes away, Kuroo washing and Bokuto helping to dry, they don't say much. Eventually, after goodbye's, Bokuto goes home.

  
It happens every weekend for the next 2 months, Bokuto continuously going over to Kuroo's house every weekend to meet up and get each other off. They never actually have sex, but neither mind.  
Sometimes Bokuto would leave after that, sometimes he would spend the night and watch movies, or help Kuroo make dinner. Sometimes they would walk through the park and talk about volleyball, one time had a meat eating contest. Kuroo's parents were never home, Bokuto only saw them once, his mother came home with a packed suitcase and announced she was leaving on another trip the next Friday.  
Bokuto noticed Kuroo didn't smoke after only that one time. He never brought it up.

       But this time when Bokuto comes over to Kuroo's, and they wash dishes together after dinner, Bokuto washing and Kuroo drying, Kuroo brought it up.  
"Do you think I could go out and have a smoke for a sec?" Kuroo asks, not looking at the other.  
Bokuto blinks.  
  
"Oh, sure, man," he says, wondering why he asked, it was his house after all.  
Kuroo leaves, and suddenly everything feels too quiet. The low buzz that oozes out of the bottom of the fridge is the only sound, the clink of the dishes as he places them back into their rightful places in the cupboards.  
  
Once he's finished he waits, plays with his hands, before eventually deciding to find Kuroo. He checks the front entryway, then walks to the back, where he finds Kuroo hunched over on the deck of his backyard, cigarette in hand and smoke billowing out of his mouth as he leans on the wooden rail of the fence surrounding the deck. Bokuto takes a moment to watch the sun dance on his features, light pinks, oranges, and slivers of yellow twist up the sky and back onto Kuroos form. Bokuto feels himself smile.  
  
"Hey," Kuroo says, and Bokuto jumps.  
"You saw me?"  
"Of course, you're not exactly light on your feet, y'know," he says, and Bokuto pouts. He rests his elbows on the rail, watches Kuroo breathe in the smoke and fill his lungs.  
  
"I thought you didn't like it when I smoked?" Kuroo says, giving Bokuto a side glare that looked curious and it gave him an amazing view of his sharp jawline.  
"I never said that," Bokuto says, eyes wide, and Bokuto watches Kuroo look into them for a moment, knows that his eyes look pretty in the sunlight, gold and shimmery. Kuroo yanks his head away before Bokuto could point it out in the form of a flirt.  
  
"Could I try?" Bokuto says, rocks back on his heels as he grips the rail to keep him from falling over as he bends back.  
"You want to, really?" Kuroo laughs, coughs into his sleeve for a moment. Bokuto watches Kuroo flick some ashes off of the cigarette and onto the grass below, watches the ring of red sizzle more off of it when Kuroo takes another drag. He nods.  
Kuroo laughs out the smoke and grins, passes Bokuto the smoke. Bokuto looks at it in confusion, wraps his hand around the bottom of it and clutches it like you would handlebars on a bike. Kuroo breaks out into a fit of laughter.  
  
"Stupid! Like this!" he says, reaching over and taking the cigarette from Bokutos tightly closed hands, opens his palm with his fingers and adjusts Bokuto's so that it's in between the correct fingers.  
  
"Like this," Kuroo makes a motion to his mouth like he would if he was about to suck in the smoke.  
Bokuto brings it to his lips, looks at Kuroo one last time and Kuroo nods, assuring him he's doing it right, so he breathes in.  
  
He immediately regrets it, his eyes water and his tongue burns and he takes the cigarette out, doubles over and starts coughing.  
Kuroo crouches down and plucks the cigarette from his fingers as he pats his back, giggling lightly to himself.  
"Water, water," Bokuto calls, continues to cough, and Kuroo laughs as he runs into the house only to emerge with a glass of tap water. Bokuto drinks half of it down so fast he's surprised.  
  
"Fuckin' hell," Bokuto says, hacks a bit more and hits a fist to his chest.  
"You can be such a baby sometimes," Kuroo laughs, inhales some smoke. Bokuto frowns slightly.  
"I am not a baby! That hurt, and it tasted disgusting!"  
"You were doing it wrong," Kuroo smiles, gives Bokuto a teasing look and Bokuto crosses his arms.  
"Well how was I supposed to know! You didn't show me!"  
Bokuto watches Kuroo's eyes light up, something with fire, something mischievous flaring up in his face, a look he's seen many times before.  
  
"You want me to show you?" he says, turns and steps a little closer. Bokuto cocks his head to the side.  
"What do you mean?" he says, and Kuroo laughs low.  
"Just inhale, I'll do the rest," and Bokuto doesn't know what's going on. He watches Kuroo take a quick drag, not a lot, and then his hand is on the back of Bokutos neck and Bokuto knows exactly what he's doing now, so he leans forward just a bit. Kuroo pulls on his bottom lip with his thumb, opening the boys mouth just a bit, and then closes the distance between them.  
  
Kuroo cups his cheek to keep Bokuto from pulling away when Kuroo pushes the smoke into his mouth. Bokuto breathes it in, feels the burn in his lungs, and it was entirely different than when he did it before. It's over all too soon as Kuroo is pulling back and nods his head, telling him to exhale again. Bokuto does, and when it comes back out he coughs again, hating the taste. He rests his hands on his knee's, feels like he's going to cough up a lung.  
  
"That was," Bokuto coughed, "really hot." Kuroo laughs, hands him his cup of water and Bokuto drinks the little bit that was left down. His coughing fit comes to an end. He stands up, wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.  
  
"What do you even smoke that shit for? It's gross as hell," he states, still trying to get the dull taste from his mouth.  
Kuroo lets out some smoke through his nose.  
"It helps with stress," he looks down, and Bokuto doesn't think he should ask him why, but his curiosity get's the better of him.  
"Why are you so stressed out?" Bokuto says, standing up and scooching beside him. Kuroo huffs out a small laugh, can feel him contemplate whether he should tell him why or not. He gives in, sighs wholeheartedly.  
  
"I started not too long ago, right after training camp actually," Kuroo says, looks up at the sky, and Bokuto can feel a tension straining his voice.  
"Tsukki and I, we had a thing a while back," Kuroo says. Bokuto feels like he's been hit with something, a brick, a board, he doesn't know. His hands clench into fists, but he quickly levels himself.  
_  
Had,_ he reminds himself, _not currently_.  
  
"A bit before training camp started and then until the end of it," he exhales a deep sigh. Bokuto doesn't know how to respond, so he lets out a quiet "mmh" sound.  
"He, he um, he cut me off right after. I think he left me for freckles," he says, and Bokuto looks at him with wide eyes. Freckles? The pinch server from Karasuno? Bokuto never would have guessed. But he stops himself before he can let his mind wonder to why, because Kuroo is telling this story, and he wants to listen. But Kuroo doesn't say anything else, just looks ahead and takes one last drag before he puts it out on the railing and flicks the ending bud of the cigarette into the yard.  
  
"Did you love him?" Bokuto whispers, and a wind sends a shiver down his spine, fluffy hair ruffling and getting in his eyes. He tucks some behind his ear. Kuroo bites the bottom of his lip, worries it between his teeth and then lets it go.  
"Something like that," he says, looks down at his fingers and drums them along the railing anxiously.  
"Liked him, maybe, but not love. But I think I thought I've never felt that way for someone before, " he adds, "I'm not sure I know what that feels like."  
"Know what what feels like?" Bokuto asks, resting a hand on his cheek. He can feel his stomach start to churn with butterflies at the topic of Kuroo being in love with someone.  
"Love," Kuroo says, looks up into the yellow and pink clouds. Bokuto opens his eyes wider, doesn't know what to do with that information, but Kuroo keeps talking.  
  
"It still _fucking_ hurt though," Kuroo says, brings a fist up to his mouth to bite on the knuckle. Long black eyelashes go slightly dewy for a moment and blink faster than usual, and Bokuto feels so bad. He goes to say something, something like 'don't worry dude', or 'do you want to watch another movie to take your mind off of it?' or give him a bro hug, but Kuroo keeps talking.  
  
"It sucks, when you think you love someone but it turns out they only ever wanted you... for sexual shit, and it's hard because..." Kuroo stops talking for a moment and Bokutos eyes widen and brows furrow together because Kuroo is trying so hard not to cry. He's biting his knuckle so hard Bokuto thinks he'll puncture the skin, and he's alternating between squeezing his eyes shut and opening them and looking far up. He feels the shake in Kuroo's voice as he starts to talk again, and Bokuto thinks he's brave for being able to keep talking in a state like this.  
  
"Because, it's hard when all the relationships I've been in have only been for a good fuck," his voice wavers again, Bokuto watching Kuroo try to swallow the lump audible in his voice, "I want to, like, at least one, maybe figure out what love is supposed to feel like," he breathes shakily out of his nose.  
  
Bokuto feels broken, heart skipping a beat, and he finds himself reaching his arms up to turn Kuroo around a bit and wrap his arms around him tightly, nuzzling his head into the side of Kuroo's. He doesn't know what to say, doesn't know what to do because his best friend has just broken down about something and Kuroo has never done this before, he feels like it's somehow his fault.  
Kuroo lifts his own arms up after a moment of just standing there limp in Bokutos strong arms, and wraps them around the other as well. They share a warm embrace, and Bokuto feels so bad for him. When Kuroo starts to pull back, Bokuto lets him, but takes his hand in his for a moment before saying,  
  
"Let's go out for lunch later, on me, and we can finish that movie if you want to now?" Bokuto says, a soft smile on his features, wild bangs and hair framing his face. Kuroo rubs his eyes with the palms of his free hand, chuckles to himself as he looks down for just a second, then up at Bokuto.  
"You can be so sweet sometimes, bro," Kuroo says, and Bokuto feels his cheeks warm.  
"A-ah! Yeah! Thanks my guy!" Bokuto stutters, and he rubs the back of his neck with his hand.  
Kuroo swings both of their hands before letting them untangle from each other.  
"Let's go then, we didn't get to my favourite part."

Bokuto and Kuroo watch yet another movie, finishing the last part, and the ending credits roll in. A sweet song comes on, a distant guitar, a pretty male voice, and Kuroo stands up. Bokuto is smiling since the ending of the movie was a happy one, and he's always loves a happy ending.  
Bokuto thinks he's left to get more soda's, but turns to him instead, blocking the screen Bokuto wasn't paying much attention to anymore anyways, just the nice song.  
Kuroo leans down, holds Bokutos cold hands in his own warm ones, smiles.  
  
"Dance with me," he says, grazing a thumb over one of Bokuto's knuckles. Bokuto swallows, but let's Kuroo pull him up into a tight embrace.  
"Uh, dude, I"  
"You okay?" Kuroo bumps his nose against Bokuto's and giggles, fucking giggles, like a little girl, and Bokuto's chest goes numb and warm and tight and he tries not to smile or cry or show that he thought that was cute or what he wanted what so ever.  
So he nods, and Kuroo threads his fingers through his, moves his arms up and brings his other hand to the small of Bokutos back, pulls him closer and flat against Kuroo's chest, leaving no room.  
Kuroo rests his head on Bokutos shoulder as the melodic music plays, and Kuroo helps him move.  
  
"I, I don't know how to dance," Bokuto says, stumbling a bit. Kuroo quirks a delicate smile.  
"Don't worry about that," he beams, "I don't know how either," and looks delighted when Bokuto nods silently, adjusting his feet into a more comfortable position. They sway to the music, mostly fumbling, mostly giggly, and a light, pleasant happiness sets in. They twirl, tango, and rock back and forth and around the room until the song ends and  
Kuroo dips Bokuto all the way down until Bokuto feels like he's going to fall. He accidentally kicks Kuroos shin, and Kuroo loses his balance, drops Bokuto with a thud and falls over top of him too. They're both laughing, high and sweet, and Bokuto feels hands in his hair, softer than usual, the gel worn out long ago. Hands tug him up into a tender, soft kiss. Bokuto let's himself be taken, waits for a tongue to open his mouth and taste him. Waits for a hand to press on his stomach, stroke down his abs, waits for rough kisses down his neck.  
But they never come.  
Kuroo presses kisses upon kisses sweetly on his lips, up to his forehead, across his blazing red cheeks. Bokuto feels his face heat up as he realizes that this entire situation isn't heating up but becoming overwhelmingly sweet. Kuroo pulls up, nuzzles into his neck, Bokuto notes that it's very cat-like, and then he pulls up again to look down into Bokutos eyes.  
  
Something snaps.  
  
Kuroo looks bewildered, eyebrows coming together in an angry and disbelieved way, a heavy crease forming between them. Bokuto just watches, blushing brightly, waiting for Kuroo to explain or do something but he just looks angry, doubtful.  
Kuroo looks like he lost the strength in his arms for a moment, watches Kuroo debate something internally.  
  
"Sorry," he mutters, and immediately latches lips onto Bokutos neck and Bokuto whines.  
But he doesn't want to do this right now, wants to talk, wants to talk about what the hell just happened. His heart is beating wildly, not from the rush of lips on his skin or hands riding up his shirt. He reacts to it, but can't stop thinking about it. Kuroo's eyes watching him, soft, light, like he looked at the sky, like he looked at his favourite movies.  
Bokuto's breath hitches as a tongue encircles his nipple, hands drag down his sides and slip teasingly into his pants, not low enough for any kind of relief. Bokuto get's lost, stops thinking for a moment because the pleasure quickly growing in his abdomen is becoming so big he can't get away from it, or push it away.  
He decides he'll deal with this in a moment.  
Hands are tugging in Bokutos hair, this time harder, the way Bokuto likes it, the way Kuroo knows makes him more desperate for kisses and Kuroos touches.  
"Come on," Kuroo says, "I don't want to do this on the floor," he says, takes Bokutos hand and helps him walk up the stairs. Their normal routine.  
_  
So much for lunch,_ Bokuto thinks.  
   
When they get into the bedroom, Bokuto takes his regular seat on the bed, takes off all of his clothes except his underwear, and Kuroo follows suit.  
But this time, instead of crawling in between Bokutos legs, he grabs something from the bedside stand.  
He tosses it to Bokuto, and he catches it, looks down at it, a small bottle.  
  
"Have you ever done that before?" Kuroo says, voice low and raspy.  
"Done what?"  
"Fingered yourself," he says, grinning when Bokuto blushes harder.  
"N-no, I," but Bokuto thinks back, remembers he has tried this a few times before.  
"Y-yeah, actually, just, I mean I've tried it, it just never really, feels the way it says it's supposed to" he stammers around his own tongue. Kuroo slides comforting hands up and down Bokutos thighs. Kuroo cocks his head to the side, urging Bokuto to continue.  
  
"Like I've, read up on it, and it says it's supposed to feel really good but, but I don't think I'm doing it right.." Bokuto grumbles, angry at himself for not understanding things, angry that Kuroo brought it up. He fidgets, and the black haired slows his movements, but reaches down to pluck the bottle from Bokuto's hands.  
  
"It can feel really, really good," he starts, pops the cap. Bokuto feels unsure, squirms for a moment, and Kuroo picks up on this easy.  
"It's okay, we don't have to do this," he breathes, sighs, "but it can, it can feel so so good, Koutarou,"  
  
_Oh, fuck you,_ Bokuto thinks, because fuck Kuroo for using his first name because of course Bokuto would say yes if Kuroo said it all low and dark and hot.  
  
"Fine, fuck," he grumbles, hates giving in, "but if it hurts or anything don't push me," Bokuto sighs and leans into Kuroos space, kisses his lips and then pecks the side of his mouth. Kuroo dips down, traces his lips over a hickey from the weekend before,  
  
"I would never hurt you," Kuroo says, and another huff of breath touches his neck.  
"Because, you're like, you're my bro," he says, and Bokutos smile fades a bit, but he pushes that aside as Kuroo gives him a light slap on the ass, and Bokuto jumps.  
  
"What!?" he squeaks out, eyebrows raising and then furrowing.  
"I'm gonna need you to take those off first, idiot," Kuroo says wholeheartedly, laughs as Bokuto does a bit too, wiggles off his boxers. He feels bad for not even being half hard after their quick conversation, but Kuroo quickly works him back up, licking and stroking him until he's on edge.  
Kuroo coats his fingers generously, encircles his index finger around and around. Bokuto hears Kuroo laugh to himself, a childish one, before Kuroo yells,  
  
"I'm going in!" and pushes his finger inside up to the first knuckle. Bokuto and Kuroo break out into a series of laughs, and Bokuto kicks his legs.  
"What the fuck! Dude!" He laughs, and Kuroo leans up to kiss him again.  
"Sorry, I had to," he laughs, and starts to slide his finger in more, move around and attempt to stretch him out.  
The laughs quickly dull into breathy, quiet grunts as Bokuto tries to adjust to the new feeling Kuroo was giving him.  
  
"Feels weird," he says, wiggles his hips subconsciously, and Kuroo groans. He doesn't say much, just watches with feline eyes that Bokuto can't tell scare him or if they turn him on.  
  
Kuroo licks up Bokutos dick in an attempt to distract him when he wiggles another finger in beside the other. It burns just a little, but he's okay with it, still gasping slightly, tries to keep in anything he's letting out.  
He scissors, pushes deeper, helps Bokuto get there, helps him stay with him. He swallows him down and Bokuto's breath hitches and he makes a few quick hiccuping sounds as he sucks in breathes, sounds like a fish out of water. Kuroo pays no mind, slips his head down further and his fingers a little deeper.  
  
"Ah, Aaah, fuuuuck!" Bokuto about yells when spots flash behind his tightly closed eyelids and a searing heat rushes through his abdomen. His chest heaves, hands scrabbling to grasp onto something, and settle for Kuroo's messy hair.  
Bokuto feels Kuroo smile around his dick, and then pull off and lift himself up to look at the other boy as he rubs relentlessly at the spot inside of him that's making him go crazy.  
  
"What," Bokuto looks up as Kuroo moves away from the spot, rubs around it, and Bokuto tries to whine out 'what is this?' but he gurgles out something that couldn't even be words, eyes fluttering closed in an overwhelmed bliss.  
Kuroo only responds with a kiss to his lips as they travel down his neck, back up to suck at his jaw.  
  
"Can I fuck you?" Kuroo says, no shame, no ounce of embarrassment in his voice and Bokuto groans, nods his head, can't think straight.  
Kuroo gets up, after he opens him just a little more and then slips his fingers free. Bokuto almost, _almost_ , groans from the loss. Kuroo walks to his dresser drawer and pulls out a foil square, carefully peels it open with nimble, perfect fingers and pulls out the condom. He crawls back onto the bed, discarding his underwear in the process, kneels in front of a panting Bokuto trying so very hard to collect himself. He tucks his face into the crook of his arm.  
  
"Will it hurt?" he asks, barely audible.  
Kuroo rolls the condom onto himself with one hand, lightly traces Bokutos v-line with his other.  
  
"Maybe a little, at first," he doesn't lie, and Bokutos glad he at least told him the truth.  
Kuroo pinches the tip, making some room, pushes his hips forward to rub against his ass, and Bokuto groans.  
  
"O-okay," he stutters out, and Kuroo smiles lightly, tracing his fingers up and down Bokuto's sides until he shivers. Kuroo pops the cap of the lube once again and applies more to both of them, waits for Bokuto to relax and waits for his breathing to settle before he lines himself up and slowly, ever so slowly, pushed himself inside shallowly.  
Bokuto holds onto his lip with his teeth, biting, trying hard not to make any more embarrassing sounds. Kuroo slides in deeper, soft and careful, watching Bokutos face for any signs of considerable pain. Every time Bokutos eyebrows would come together, a crease forming in the middle, Kuroo would stop, rub circles into his hipbones with his thumbs, wait for the crease to smooth back out before he resumed pushing in.  
  
Bokuto is breathing heavy, and as much as he had read up on shit like this, he didn't feel much. For the most part, he just felt kinda full in a weird way.  
Kuroo bends down, can't reach Bokutos face so he places a kiss on one of his ribs.  
  
"You okay?" he says, grips Bokutos hips so hard Bokuto thinks they'll leave bruises.  
Bokuto nods.  
He only realizes exactly what he has gotten himself into when Kuroo starts moving, slightly at first, but he picks up a steady rhythm and Bokuto moans long and loud.  
Kuroo laughs, presses Bokutos hips back into his and fucks into him slow but hard.  
  
"Ohh my, go- I didn't know th-ah!" Bokuto moans, a pleasant, hard pleasure racking his body.  
  
Bokuto is letting out strings of moans and noises he didn't even know he could make, opens his eyes to see Kuroo is staring at him with a look of pride on his face, relishing in every noise and sound he can make Bokuto yell out. He groans, brings his palms up into his face as his ass is lifted up off of the bed ever so slightly and Kuroo pulls himself forward. Kuroo holds himself above Bokuto with one hand while the other slithers down to stroke lazily at Bokutos dick. Bokuto moans yet again, and he presses his palms more tightly to his face, in vain hopes it'll shut him the fuck up. It feels too good, and he can't take it because Kuroo only looks a little fucked up.  
Kuroo gives a particularly harder thrust and Bokuto keens with his mouth tightly closed, makes the quietest sound he's made since Kuroo started fucking him.  
  
"Hey," Kuroo rasps out, thrusts stuttering into an agonizingly slow pace, "don't hold back."  
Bokuto refuses to groan, refuses to make a sound, presses his fingers into his mouth and bites down.  
Kuroo wraps his whole hand around Bokutos dick, leans in to his mouth and kisses him sweetly on the corner of his mouth as he completely stops his thrusting.

  
"Talk for me, baby," he says, voice breathy and hot, and Bokuto dies. It makes Bokuto bring his arms up to scratch and grip along the muscled back above him. He shuts his eyes tight and tries hard not to moan, but another quiet one sneaks it's way out. Bokuto locks eyes with Kuroo, and he looks determined, a mischievous look in his eyes matched with an equally mischievous grin.  
  
"I want to hear you," he says, nips Bokutos collarbone.  
"Mmhhm... Tet- Kuroo," he pants, tries not to say Kuroos first name but knows Kuroo caught him. He feels Kuroo smirk against his skin, before he sinks his teeth into the side of Bokutos neck and it fucking _hurts_. Bokuto makes a loud pained noise, which Kuroo apologized for right away with soothing licks and peppering kisses around the soon to be bruise.  
  
"Kur- nnh..." Bokuto goes to call out Kuroo's name again, stops himself before Kuroo picks up his thrusts again and he brings his hands up to cover his mouth again.  
Kuroo is quick, sees it coming this time, lifts himself up and grips Bokutos wrists, slams them down and pistons inside in one fluid motion, and Bokuto cries out. He babbles out nonsense, things along the lines of "feels so good" and mantras of Kuroos name, desperately trying not to say his first name with what is left of his sanity.  
  
"God, Bo, you're so," he presses inside of him and stays there, stilling himself, and Bokuto whines.  
"Good," Kuroo says under his breath, and Bokuto freezes for a moment as his eyes go wide, abdomen goes warm and fuzzy, and his dick twitches slightly.  
_Holy fuck._  
Kuroo notices, traces a hand around Bokutos neck, feels the rapid pulse on the side with heavy fingers, and Bokuto feels sensitive and hyper aware as Kuroo grinds down into him again.  
  
"So good, Kou," he says, dips down to whisper right underneath Bokutos ear, "so good for me," he groans out, snaps his hips.  
It lifts Bokutos ass up and off of the bed, and he scrabbles to support himself with his arms out to his sides. Kuroo stands up on his knees, grabs Bokutos calves and hoists them up to support himself as he fucks into Bokuto from above. It puts strain on Bokutos back but it feels way too good like this for him to even think of wanting to stop.

"Tetsu...Tetsurou" Bokuto calls out, giving in.

"Let's make some more pretty marks on you, yeah?" Kuroo mumbles low against the juncture of his neck and Bokuto groans because of it, strong thighs shaking and stomach muscles quivering. Kuroo releases his legs for a moment to dip down and suck dark purple hickeys into his chest. The dull, pin needle pain that comes from them with every movement of Kuroos mouth isn't enough to make him moan out loud, just enough to make him wiggle around, whine softly, seeking something to help him get off.

He thrusts his hips back into Kuroo's, thighs slapping thighs and Kuroo keens.  
  
"Oho? So desperate for it," he laughs.  
"Mhhhm, ah," Bokuto throws his head back, and its too much.  
"I- I can't-" Bokutos fingers tug and pull at the sheets, one latching onto a pillow to his side to pull it into his arm as he tries to hold onto something to keep him sane. Hands leave Bokutos legs raised in the air to grip his hips even tighter as Kuroos thrusts become harder but out of rhythm. Bokutos moans drip out over and over, clouding over Kuroos heavy, low ones. He keeps getting louder and louder, moans bubbling up inside and out of him, as he kicks his feet.  
  
"It's too much, too-" and he cums with a noisy, high pitched moan, voice cracking.  
Kuroo isn't far behind, and Bokuto lets him fuck him through his orgasm and draw it out, as he thrashes and tries to keep himself alive.  
Kuroo finally cums with a high moan that he's a little embarrassed about. With absatisfied sigh, he pulls out and ties up the condom and throws it in the trash on the other side of the room. He crawls over top of Bokuto, rests his arms on either side of him as he recovers from possibly the best orgasm he's ever had.  
  
"Fuuuuck..." he groans, can't stop breathing, heavily.  
  
Kuroo waits, watches him come down, watches his eyes flutter, watches him smile contently.  
When Bokuto finally opens his eyes, tired and relaxed finally, he reaches out, pulls Kuroo into a hug.  
He loves this, hates this, loves that Kuroo is so close but hates that he's also so far away. It's like losing a volleyball game when you were so close, but there's nothing you can do.  
Normally Bokuto would try harder, fire himself up and say "I'll just get stronger and stronger!", and through determination and practice alone he could pull through. But he can't with this, doesn't know what else to do that wouldn't risk losing this closeness with Kuroo and possibly losing him as a friend. A best friend, the closest person he thinks he's ever had in his life. He can't risk it, won't let himself. A wetness by his ear makes him stop thinking, and a dread goes down his spine as he knows if Kuroo see's him crying he's going to ask why, and maybe Bokuto would break.  
  
But he's not crying.  
  
Kuroo is, against his ear, soft, light sobbing underneath his earlobe. Bokuto doesn't know what to do, ends up just resting his hand on Kuroos head and tangling his fingers into the untidy black mess. But Kuroo cries just a little harder at that, digs his nails into Bokutos arms. They stay like that for a while, before Kuroo pulls up, looks down at Bokuto. He's flushed, face splotchy but hard to see in the darkened room, his eyes are thin and puffy and his lips are pressed tightly together, trying desperately not to let them quiver. He slams his fist into the side of the bed, rolls over to the side of Bokuto and throws the sheets over top of himself to cover his naked form.  
  
"Are you okay?" Bokuto croaks out, voice heavy and raspy from all the loud noises he was making. Kuroo takes a quick breath in.

"I can't do this anymore," he says, voice still shaky.  
  
Bokuto stops.  
  
"What? What do you mean?" he sits up, covers his lower half with another end of the blanket.  
"I said," Kuroo sucks in another shaky breath, "I can't do this anymore, there's not much else to say. I can't have you over anymore, I can't do this with you anymore," he says.  
Bokutos stomach drops, a cold sweat breaks out up high on his neck and radiates around into his shoulders and back.  
  
"No," he says, and Kuroo looks over to him.  
"Don't," Bokuto says, throat closing, and he feels tears come on, and he grimaces.  
"You _can't_ " Bokuto says, and he sounds absolutely broken. Kuroo rolls over on his side, away from the other.  
  
"You can always find someone else," he says lamely.  
  
Bokuto says nothing, puts a hand on Kuroos shoulder, but Kuroo slaps it away.  
  
"Why so suddenly? Why did you change your mind?" Bokuto asks, and Kuroo shakes his head.  
"Tell me, you can't just tell me nothing!"  
"Yes I can."  
  
"No! No you can't!" Bokuto doesn't yell, but it's a hard whisper, and he speaks in a cracking voice as tears begin to stream down his face. It's silent for a moment, and Bokuto pays attention to the crickets outside, the throbbing in his head, the way his eyes burn when he blinks. Kuroo rolls over, sits up, stands up, pulls on some sweatpants that are lying down on his floor. He picks up some of Bokutos clothes, throws them at him.  
  
"Go," he says, something fragile in his voice, and it gives Bokuto the courage to yell.  
"What!?"  
"Go!"  
"Like, like leave?"  
"Yes!" Kuroo says, goes to push Bokuto off of the bed but he dodges, reels back as he slips on his shirt, pulls on his boxers.  
"I'm not leaving!" he says, "you can't just make up your mind like this!"  
  
Kuroo kicks the bottom of his bed.  
  
"If I don't want to do it anymore we're not doing it anymore, I'm not going to just have sex with you just because you want to."  
Bokuto pulls back, feels like he's been hit. Anger bubbles up inside of him, replaces the hurt in his heart and the tears in his eyes.  
  
"You know what? Fine! Fuck you, Kuroo," he says, and he picks the rest of his clothes up off of the ground, finds his bag, his phone, his wallet, and makes his way downstairs.  
If he was outside he knew he'd be kicking up dust. He grabs his spring coat and slams the door, walks out into the street in his boxers, pants in hand. The air is cold, but he has too many things to do at once. He throws his bag and his coat on the street in anger. Bokuto shakes his head, runs back out onto the empty street to grab his shit because that's not that good of an idea to leave it there. He slips a pant leg into the sweatpants he took, trips over the curb of the sidewalk and falls right on his ass. His ass already _fucking_  hurt, and now this.  
  
"Stupid, stupid, fuckin'," he grumbles, but there's footsteps running near him. He doesn't care that he's half naked, and is willing to just let the stranger run past and possibly gawk at him.  
But when he looks up, he see's Kuroo at the other end of the street, coming out of his house and running into the middle of the road, spinning around in circles trying to map out exactly where Bokuto went. He panics, doesn't think, only thinks that he needs to get away from Kuroo. He watches as Kuroo spots him from far away, starts walking, and then running, towards him, and Bokuto stands up quickly. He tugs up his sweatpants so that they're finally on his hips snugly, and looks at his backpack for a moment. In a final thought before he books it, he thinks  
_  
Fuck that, dude,_  and he runs.  
He can hear Kuroo yelling.  
  
"Bo! Come here!" But Bokuto runs faster.

He sprints a block and a half until he can hear fast footsteps near him. He turns a corner, almost runs into a girl a little younger than him, yells out a "sorry!" before he turns another corner. Kuroo is right behind him, and eventually, he's tackling Bokuto from behind, and they roll into the bushes of some persons yard. Twigs cut at his face, thorns pressing into his back and Kuroos too.  
They lie there for a moment, until Kuroo sits up, cross legged on a strangers lawn, scooching out of the thorny bushes. Bokuto sits up too, glares at Kuroo, and then quickly goes to jump up to run away again. But Kuroo is faster, he always has been, and jumps up too, grabs his wrists and pulls him down with force.  
  
"Where would you go?" Kuroo says, out of breath. He can't answer, so he just looks to the side, bitterly pressing his tongue hard into the back of his teeth, then bites it.  
"You're bleeding," Kuroo says, lifts a hand up to trace the long cut up from the top of Bokutos lip up to the side of his cheek. Bokuto smacks his hand away.  
"Is that all you have to say!?" He yells. Kuroo stares, brows furrowing, and Bokuto feels like kicking him.  
"Just..." Kuroo trails off, worries his lips between his teeth, and Bokuto doesn't think he has much to say. He goes to open his mouth, but every time nothing comes out, and it makes Bokuto feel triumphant. That is, until the light of the house of the property they're trespassing on turns on, and a voice can be heard.  
"Hello!?" Someone yells, and the two boys share a quick look before they're both scrambling to their feet and running back down the road.

 

After they're off of the street, they slow to a fast pace walk. Kuroo shoves his hands in his pockets, looks to the side.  
"I'm sorry," he says, and Bokuto huffs and crosses his arms, walks a little faster.  
"It's not okay."  
  
Silence, followed by a heavy sigh from Kuroo.  
  
"At least let me clean you up if you're going to be mad at me."

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO  
> TAKE THIS I DONT HAVE MUCH ELSE TO SAY, besides that we are coming to a close soon my dudes :(
> 
> ALSO SO MY FRIEND RJ MADE A COVER OF THE SONG THIS FIC IS KINDA LOOSELY BASED AROUND. PLEASE PLEASE LISTEN BC HIS VOICE IS AMAZING AND SO IS HE. http://tornadick.tumblr.com/post/143567507305/song-for-my-fav-shirobadong-in-honor-of-her-a BLESS !! 
> 
> And another thing I made a playlist to help me write this and u can check it out if u feel!!  
> http://8tracks.com/iatearepublican/something-beautiful
> 
>  
> 
> ps. im sorry i couldn't figure out a chapter summary and i almost just wrote 'sorry' but i figured i maybe should not do that.  
> Talk to me about Bokuroo and Bokuto related things on my twitter, @owlfuker
> 
> Please leave a comment/kudos bc it's greatly appreciated!! <3


	7. Won't you cradle me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He didn't know how deep he was into this hole he's been digging since training camp. He wants it to go away, wants everything to be okay again. He wants his lips and his bad jokes, wants him in every way he can have him. 
> 
> But the spring tournament is soon, and Bokuto isn't prepared.

  
It hurts.  
  
"Stop fucking bleeding everywhere," Kuroo grumbles, pressing a damp cloth to Bokutos face. He's scratched up and Bokuto is picking thorns from his arms, tiny beads of blood prickle out every time he tugs one from his skin. Kuroo is only a bit better, as he had only slightly hit the bush, which they've realized now was infested with roses and thick viney stalks with thorns.  
  
Kuroo has a scratch up his right arm, which was not bleeding, with a few thorns poking into his shoulder that he already took out. Bokuto's cheek was gashed, not completely open but bleeding considerably. He had bright red scratches littering his neck, trailing down and tiny holes in his skin from where the thorns had pricked him.  
  
"Okay, dude, I'll just stop," Bokuto sighs. Kuroo laughs at him.  
  
"Sorry," he says, laughs again, and Bokuto winces when Kuroo presses the cloth a little harder to his face, cups the back of his head with his other hand to help the other boy stay in place.  
  
"You don't have to do this, I can just go home," Bokuto says. They're sitting on Kuroos living room couch, the room completely lit up so Kuroo could see what he's doing, and it's hurting Bokutos eyes a bit.  
  
"Don't say that," he smiles, wipes down Bokutos face, and he grimaces, pulls away instinctively at the pain.  
"I tackled you into some bushes," Kuroo says, and it sounds like an apology. Bokuto hates this. He wants to be angry, wants to yell at Kuroo and tell him to fuck off and go home and sleep or watch cartoons and eat cereal. But then again, he knows the only reason he's angry in the first place is that Kuroo wants to cut the only thing Bokuto has of Kuroo. He's mad that Kuroo doesn't want him anymore, mad that he wants to throw it all away.  
  
_It doesn't mean as much to him as it does to you,_ he thinks, clenching fists in the sheets.  
  
"I'm gonna' go get a band aid," Kuroo says. He places the bloody rag into Bokutos palm, flips it over so the cold wet side it facing up from his hand, and Kuroo guides it up to his face and presses down lightly.  
"Keep it there," he says, and stands up to go to the kitchen.  
Bokuto feels like groaning. Now it's late, and he'll have to spend yet another night in this hellhole.  
  
_"I want to, like, at least one, maybe figure out what love is supposed to feel like,"_  
_  
I can show you_ , he thinks, bites his lip, kicks his legs.  
  
Kuroo comes back, a cute box of kitty print bandages and a tube of anti-infectant in hand, and he rests it on the ground, pulls a band aid out and peels it open. He puts the band aid in between fingertips and squirts a bit of the anti-infectant on it. Kuroo reaches up, grasps Bokutos jaw and Bokuto swallows hard, as Kuroo places the band aid on his cut. He plucks three more from the box, smearing some of the clear gel on them all too, and puts another one on the same cut, one on Bokuto's neck where only a small amount of blood poked through, and another in his forehead where a big bruise was forming. Bokuto winces at the slight burn he get's every time the band aids touch his open cuts. Kuroo's hands are off of him too soon, Bokuto thinks.  
  
"There," he says, pats Bokuto twice on each shoulder, "all better."  
Bokuto resists the urge to laugh.  
  
"So," Bokuto sighs, leans back into the couch.  
"So what now?"  
Bokuto watches Kuroo fidget, unconciously rub his hands together.  
  
"I'm gonna sleep on the couch tonight, you can have my bed," Kuroo says.  
Bokuto almost groans, stares out the window with half lidded eyes. His expression looks bored, sad, unresponsive, so unlike himself.  
It takes 2 minutes of Bokuto staring out the window, slack against the couch, and 2 minutes of Kuroo fidgeting his hands and staring at Bokutos beautiful face for Bokuto to muster up the courage to speak.  
  
"Why?" he says plainly.  
Kuroo sighs.  
"I already explained," he says, and Bokuto cuts him off before he can say anything else stupid.  
"Not very well," his shoulders hunch. Kuroo runs a hand through his thick hair, clearly frustrated.  
"There's not much to say," he says, looks away from Bokuto when he turns to look at Kuroo's eyes.  
"I can't, I just can't anymore,"  
"But why" Bokuto says.  
"Because! I don't need a reason, you can always find someone else to have sex with you, it doesn't have to be me."  
  
Bokuto doesn't think.  
  
"Yes it does," he breathes, and Kuroo looks down at him, lips pursing together.  
"What," he says, more like a statement than an actual question.  
  
Bokuto says nothing, and they just share an intense stare for a moment. The tension winds up, twists around Bokutos neck until he feels like he's choking. He wants something to happen, wants to say _"yes, it does have to be you, it always has to be you."_ He wants Kuroo's eyes to go wide, wants him to ask _"what do you mean?"_ and then he could have his moment. He'd stand up, grip onto Kuroos two hands and shout _"I love you!"_ into his face like a fuckin' winner, like in every cheesy romance movie they have ever watched together. And then Bokuto would kiss him, harshly, and pull Kuroo close, and they'd stay like that and they wouldn't let it get passionate. They'd stumble back onto the couch and Bokuto would count the number of seconds it took Kuroo to say something back.  
_"I love you too! Dude!"_ Kuroo would yell, and he  _would_ yell, because that's just so very Kuroo. He would cup both of Bokutos cheeks and touch their noses together and smile. They would hug, kiss, roll around on the floor like kids and feel each others warmth, drink each other in like they've always wanted.  
But Bokuto snaps out of his fantasy as Kuroo is turning around on his heel.  
  
"I'm going to bed," he states, and Bokuto folds his legs together on the couch, hands sitting in his lap.  
"It's like ten."  
"I'm tired," Kuroo says, and steps lightly up the stairs, groggy, and he does look tired.  
"I thought I was getting the bed!" Bokuto yells from the couch, and he can hear Kuroo grunt.  
"I changed my mind!" he says, and Bokuto almost fumes.

         He lies there, stares at the ceiling, alternates between rubbing his hands and feet on the couch cushions and covering his eyes with his hands. He flips over, hangs off of the side of the couch with his head facing down and watches the other side of the room.  
He doesn't know what to do.  
The thought that he has to stay here another night, see Kuroo the next morning and wait uncomfortably for breakfast if he's getting any, has to awkwardly search the house for his things, the thought of all of that awkwardness tomorrow morning makes Bokutos stomach twist together and hurt.  
  
But there's another thought, one that hurts more than the churning awkwardness in the pit of him. The other thought, one that hurts his chest, one that he feels hurts more than the other.  
  
After tonight, after tomorrow morning, after he leaves the Kuroo household and goes home, he won't see Kuroo again- probably for months.  
He won't get to see his tanned features, the way his eyebrows pinch together right before he smiles, won't get to see Kuroo in his winter coat, won't get to watch him speak outside where his breath turns into fog. He won't get to snuggle up with hot chocolate or watch movies with him. Bokuto _wants_ to. He wants Kuroo in his winter coat, wants to see him smile, wants to drink hot chocolate with him, wants to watch movies with him on his floor. He wants Kuroo, wants him in every way he could think of. But something was holding him back, a thing that could take Bokuto by the reins if he wasn't conscious of it. He doesn't want to lose, and to Bokuto, losing in this sense, was a rejection. He'd rather take Kuroo in any way he could without having to admit to something, admit that he loves the other boy, and risk fucking up everything they have already.  
  
_You can't keep running from this,_  
  
Bokuto decides it's time.  
  
Bokuto sneaks up the stairs of Kuroos house, careful not to wake Kuroo yet. He twists the knob of the door, determination and adrenaline rushing through him, heart pumping rapidly in his chest.  
_  
"Kuroo, wake up"_  
_"Kuroo, wake up"_  
_"Kuroo, Tetsurou- I love you"_  
  
It was perfect, there was no way he'd stumble. Bokuto would say it, say it and wait.  
He steps into the dark room, eyes catching glimpse of fluffy tufts of black hair smothered in a pillow, notices the clock on Kuroos bedside table says '5:30 am' in a bright blinding red.  
He steps once, twice, once more, slowly, heart still ready to explode in his chest.  
But when Bokuto approaches Kuroo, the only sound in the room being his soft sleepy breath, Bokuto halts. He sits on the side of the bed, then turns and pulls his knees up to his chest, simply watches him through the darkness.  
  
He notes Kuroos blissful face, eyebrows not pinched and mouth not smirking or in a pissed off frown. His mouth is slightly open and his head is turned to the side, a little bit of drool slipping past his lips and onto the sheets. Bokuto would have giggled, maybe if Kuroo was awake he would say "gross, dude," but he doesn't. He stays there for a few minutes, just watching, watches the blankets rise and fall on Kuroos body as he breathes, flinches when Kuroo sniffles his nose for a moment before he rubs his head closer into the pillow, black strands splaying over the white of the pillowcase.  
He watches until he realizes this may be a little creepy and decides he should hurry up already.  
But something about how peaceful Kuroo looks, something about this blissful state of sleep he's in, stops him. Bokuto doesn't want to ruin it, he's peaceful and content and waking him to tell him anything would screw that up.  
  
So, instead, he wipes his thumb across Kuroos bottom lip, swipes away the drool and wiggles his thumb into the sheets until it's off of him. He ever so gently hovers his fingers over Kuroos cheek, very close to cupping his hand there and leans in. He presses their lips together softly, stays there for a few seconds, not moving, just pressing them together one last time.  
When he pulls back, he brushes Kuroos bangs away, grabs his things, and leaves for the earliest train back to his neighbourhood.

 

  
  
  
       Five months go by. Fall turns to winter, winter turns to spring. Flowers bloom, blossoms falling off of trees and whipping around in the strong spring wind. Bokuto loved spring, it helped him put his mind at ease when he needed it. It didn't this year. Bokuto and Kuroo haven't talked since that night, and something in Bokuto makes him hate it.  
He wanted Kuroo to chase him, wanted him to text him or call him or show up at his door in the rain one day, panting from running, exhausted, pulling Bokuto into a kiss before he confessed his undying love.  
  
But that day never came.  
  
Bokuto sulked for what felt like forever, picking up his phone and putting it down. He almost threw it away at one point.  
It was in the middle of April, and two days before the spring tournament, when something happened, a continuation of a story Bokuto wanted to end, something he tried to shove to the back of his mind for months but it was always there, festering and replaying events from every night Kuroo and him had spent together.  
  
It's a text, from Akaashi, on a Tuesday night. Bokuto picks up his phone and reads it over.

  
**From: Akaashi**  
**I need to ask you something.**

  
It leaves no room for Bokuto to say anything besides just letting Akaashi ask his question.

 **  
To: Akaashi**  
**Sure Akaashi!! What's up? :)**

 **  
From: Akaashi**  
**I need your full undivided attention, this is serious.**

  
Bokuto swallows.  
  
  
**To: Akaashi**  
**Sure, go ahead, dude..**

 **From: Akaashi**  
**I was texting Kenma the other day, he told me some things about Kuroo-san I believe need to be brought to your attention.**

  
Bokuto goes to type something out along the lines of 'what the hell does he want', but he get's another message quicker.

  
**From: Akaashi**  
**Kenma said he's been in a bad mood for a while, and he started smoking cigarettes more and more lately. I personally didn't know that Kuroo-san smoked, but he does apparently. He said Kuroo got caught, and he's been hot headed, he's failing tests, etc.**

 **  
To: Akaashi**  
**So why are you telling me this?**

  
Bokuto is shaking, something mixed between anger and worry. Kuroo acted like he didn't care, and Bokuto took it as such, but it didn't seem like that anymore, if Bokuto was right.  
His phone dings.

 **From: Akaashi**  
**This is exactly what I was worried about. You did something, didn't you?**

 **  
To: Akaashi**  
**I don't care, okay?**

  
Bokuto flips over on his bed, grabs his pillow and shoves his face into it, twisting and pulling at the fabric as he yells into it.  
He shuts his phone off, and somehow finds sleep.

  
  
          The next morning he wakes up feeling sleepy, groggy. He stumbles to the shower, presses his face against the cool tiles as he lets the warm water spray his body. He gels his hair, puts on his school uniform, wiggles his eyebrows in the mirror to make himself laugh, grabs a muffin from the kitchen counter before he runs back upstairs, almost forgetting his phone. Seeing it sitting on the floor makes him remember his conversation with Akaashi the night before, and he doesn't turn it on right away.  
He takes short, shuffling steps out the door as he bites into his banana muffin, keens and smiles and forgets about the frustration he felt the night before and the sleepiness he felt this morning. He forgets, turns his phone on to check the time to see if he's going to be late. He didn't live too far from Fukurodani, and it took him about 15 minutes to walk to school every morning. He checks right when it turns on, and he hums to himself when he realizes he'll be right on time today. His phone dings multiple times and when he looks down his walk slows even more, and he stops.

 **  
From: Akaashi**  
**What do you mean you don't care?**

 **  
From: Akaashi**  
**Hello?**

 **  
From: Akaashi**  
**Are you ignoring me Bokuto-san?**

**  
*3 missed calls from Akaashi Keiji***

**  
From: Akaashi**  
**Are you kidding me?**

 **From: Akaashi**  
**Something happened to Kuroo, but if you're going to be this idiotic, then I guess you really don't care enough for me to even bother telling you.**  
  
  
Bokuto's heart skips, and he stands on the sidewalk staring at his phone, rereading the text over and over again.  
  
_What happened?_  
  
He looks up, eyes wide, stomach twisting and tears threatening to push past him, before he breaks into a full sprint along the sidewalk.

      It takes him 8 minutes to get to Fukurodani Academy from where he was, and Bokuto bolts past students making their way in. He hears muffled, "was that Bokuto-san from the volleyball team?" and "watch where you're going!" around him as he makes his way through the crowds of students to find Akaashi.  
He runs up the steps, class 6 on the top floor, breathing heavy and sweating from running so fast for so far but his stamina is amazing and he knows it.  
When he reaches the classroom, the teacher obviously hasn't gotten to the class yet as the entirety of it is standing in front of the locked door waiting to get inside.  
  
"Akaashi!" he yells, and the eyes of almost all students are on him as he stumbles through the crowd until he finds a familiar head of black hair and squinted, bored eyes, except they were open in disbelief when he grabs Akaashi by his wrist, tightly, and drags him into the nearest boys bathroom.  
"What happened!" He yells, gripping Akaashis wrist tighter. Akaashi looks at him with his brows tightly strung together, obviously angry, and Bokuto doesn't think he's ever seen Akaashi with that look on his face, although he doesn't think they'd ever gotten close to actually fighting before.  
  
"Did he die!?" Bokuto yells, and Akaashi almost laughs.  
"No he didn't fucking die, idiot,"  
"Then tell me what happened!"  
"Let go," Akaashi says, barely audible.  
"What!?" Bokuto yells, grips tighter, and Akaashi winces, pulls a fist back and slams it into Bokutos chest. He stumbles back, doubles over, hands going to where Akaashi had hit him. He almost, _almost_ wheezes.  
Akaashi looks down at him, waits for his senior to stand up and look him in the eye. And Bokuto does, slowly, stand up.  
  
"I'm sorry," Akaashi says as Bokuto collects himself as the aching pain slowly dulls down.  
"No, I'm sorry," Bokuto lets out a large breath he didn't know he was holding.  
"I'm not telling you anymore," Akaashi says, pressing his back into the wall as Bokuto looks on at him in disbelief.  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
"You obviously don't care about what happened to him, right? So why waste your time, we're going to be late," Akaashi sighs. Bokuto frowns.  
"I do care!" he says, crosses his arms, "tell me, please," he brings his voice down so it isn't booming for everyone to hear outside of the bathroom. The bell rings.  
Akaashi gives Bokuto a coy smirk, arms crossing as he brings one of his legs up to lazily push Bokuto on his stomach, sending Bokuto stumbling a bit backwards as he loses his balance.  
  
"I knew you did, I knew something was up, I knew this whole time," Akaashi smiles, eyes half lidded, satisfied. Bokuto groans.  
  
"Fine, you caught me," Bokuto runs his hands down his face, frustrated, "now tell me what's wrong with him."  
  
Akaashi looks at him as if to question himself if he really should tell Bokuto, before he brings his leg back down to rest at his side.  
  
"Kuroo had a breakdown at Kenmas over the weekend," Akaashi says, voice tired and rough, and Bokuto wants to ask why, but he's having a difficult time processing the news he's been told. He opens his mouth, shuts it, opens it again, but Akaashi beats him to a response.  
  
"It wasn't as terrible as you're probably imagining it. He knocked on Kenma's door in the middle of the night, went in a cried on him for a while."  
Bokuto feels his eyebrows come together and he tenses up at the picture of Kuroo crying. He hated that picture.  
  
"And he told Kenma a lot, and Kenma told me a lot, too," Akaashi says, and Bokuto freezes up yet again and stares at Akaashi, then looks away. He suddenly feels exposed, knows that Akaashi knows now, probably, knows about everything Bokuto and Kuroo have been doing..... _had_ been doing.  
He looks around for a moment, as if to find some way to escape this awkwardness, and he turns to shuffle his way out of the door. Akaashi grabs his arm and Bokuto sighs.  
  
"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Akaashi says, softly, and Bokuto almost groans, knows he's fucked because this is Akaashi's serious, nice, kind, thoughtful voice, one he doesn't hear too often.  
  
He turns, looks at his best friend.  
  
"I don't know," he sighs, and he's telling the truth.  
"Were you embarrassed?"  
"Yeah.."  
  
"I would be too," Akaashi says, truthfully, and Bokuto looks up at him, and he's smiling softly at him.  
"It's fine, Bokuto-san, it's not anything I'm new to," Akaashi backs up into the wall again, crosses his arms to continue talking with Bokuto now that he knows Bokuto is staying with him here.  
  
Bokuto wants to ask what he means by that, why Akaashi wasn't new to... new to what?  
  
"New to what?" Bokuto says, and a faint blush forms on Akaashi's cheeks as he looks away.  
"New to... two guys.." he mutters, kicks at the floor when there wasn't anything there.  
  
"Do you two... talk like this a lot?" Bokuto says, questionable.  
"Like what?"  
"Talk about me and Kuroo."  
Akaashi huffs out a laugh, blush still a little visible.  
"We don't talk much about you two."   
  
"But anyways," he says, closes his eyes tight and opens them to look back at his senior.  
"Kenma said he was really upset," and Bokuto feels his chest go tight. The image of Kuroo lying down, head in Kenma's lap as he tells Kenma everything he's feeling, sobbing, sniffling, tired with bags under his eyes, makes Bokuto want to cry and sob himself. He pushes that out of his mind quickly in favour of asking more questions.  
  
"What did he say? What did Te- Kuroo say?"  
  
"He explained to Kenma everything that happened. He said he missed you, said he was angry at himself for 'fucking up', and he said he was scared to see you again soon," Akaashi says, runs a hand through his hair. Bokuto would do the same if it wasn't spiked, and instead places his hands to his hips, stares up at the ceiling, then down at the floor.  
  
"Did-" Bokuto swallows, and Akaashi notices how he's trying to keep his voice from straining, "-did he say anything else?" he asks, wants everything Akaashi can give him.  
"No, that's everything."  
  
They stand there together for a moment, until a voice from outside catches their attention and the door to the bathroom is thrown open.  
  
"What the hell are you two doing in here!? Akaashi Keiji? This isn't like you, but Bokuto, how many times do I have to tell you to stop getting distracted and at least /go/ to your classes," the teacher says angrily, and stands with his arms crossed together, a shiny heeled shoe tapping impatiently on the ground. Akaashi bows, apologises, but Bokuto is still stunned from the entire Kuroo situation. Akaashi looks up, stands up, grabs Bokuto by the hair and makes him bow.  
  
"Ow, ow ow!" he says, and Akaashi apologises for them both.  
The teacher sighs, and walks them both to class.

  
Bokuto stares out the window at the other end of the room, can't pay attention even more than usual. He pulls out his phone when he hears it buzz lightly in his bag.

 **  
From: Akaashi**  
**Don't say anything to him.**

  
Bokuto sighs, thumbs lazily typing out a message, like he's given up.  
**  
  
To: Akaashi**  
**Why not?**

 **  
From: Akaashi**  
**I know you, you'll make things worse. Put your mind on the game, forget about it, we can deal with it after the matches on Friday.**

  
Bokuto released a long breath, tucks his phone into his bag and tells himself that Akaashi is probably right, he always is, he's always been good at seeing everything rationally and Bokuto knows he should just listen.

The rest of the day the picture of Kuroo crying on Kenma, in the middle of the night, makes him freeze up and his pencil fall out of his hand when he tries to bubble in answers on his test. He chewed on his pencil eraser, tapped his feet loudly until the teacher yelled at him, felt like crying himself. He stared out the window again and watched birds fly by the school grounds, fingers twisting together as he felt overwhelmed but also, somehow, defeated. He sighed, and eventually as the school day came to an end, he tried to put all of his attention into volleyball that night, and he did.

Bokuto forgot about Kuroo for another two days, and Kuroo couldn't stop thinking for another two days.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry again ahahahahahaaaaa :-)
> 
> This was going to be the last chapter but I had a great idea and burst of inspiration so there will be, 8!!!  
> The last chapter will probably be long, and I'm so sorry this one took so long! Exams are soon and I am stressed. 
> 
> Please leave a kudos if you liked it!! And if you can leave a comment please because it helps me stay motivated and helps me write faster for you guys!
> 
> ((Talk to me about Bokuroo and Bokuto related things on my twitter, @owlfuker))
> 
> Also if you haven't checked them out yet a playlist has been made for this fic, here:  
> http://8tracks.com/iatearepublican/something-beautiful  
> And also my real good bro RJ made a video of him covering the song "The Start of Something" by Voxtrot that I'm naming the chapters and the fic after!! Check him out here: http://tornadick.tumblr.com/post/143567507305/  
> And follow him on Twitter @tornadick !
> 
> Bless u all honestly I'm so excited to write the ending!! :')


	8. I'm just a love letter away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You worked at something with Kuroo, and I'm not sure if you're calling it love right now, but you worked at something with him. You haven't talked to him in forever, and now," Akaashi says, "I think you have forgotten exactly what you were aiming for in the first place. I think you've forgotten just how deeply this is affecting you, still, even now."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS FUCKING 12 AND A HALF K GOOD LUCK 
> 
> ALSO!!! MAJOR MANGA SPOILERS FROM THE CATS VS OWLS CHAPTER !!!

             The morning of the spring tournament, Bokuto's stomach is twisting with excitement and anxiousness.  
  
As usual, his head is in the clouds, and he's happily biting into some melon bread on the bus towards Tokyo.  
  
"You shouldn't eat that before a game," Akaashi says, crosses his arms in the seat beside him and looks out the window in mild annoyance.  
"Don't worry, Akaashi," Bokuto stumbles around the words as the food in his mouth is muffling them. Akaashi reels back, looking a little disgusted. Bokuto sighs through his nose, swallows, and tucks the bread back into it's package and into his bag.  
  
"There, grumpy," Bokuto huffs, crosses his arms and looks away from Akaashi.  
  
They sit together for a while, Bokuto just staring at a spot on the floor while Akaashi stares out the window of the moving bus. The green and dry yellows of spring a blurred painting outside the glass, the bus a musty, acrid space full of sports equiptment and teenage boys. Akaashis eyes flick over to watch Bokuto staring at the ground, and he nudges a foot over to touch his, and Bokuto almost jumps. He looks over, eyes wide and curious, and Akaashi just looks down at him with his elbow resting on the tiny shelf of the bus window, chin in his palm.  
  
"Are you nervous?" he says, jaw moving odly when he talks.  
"Nope!" Bokuto smiles, goes to kick his legs but realizes he doesn't have enough room, so instead he settles with stretching his arms up over his head. Akaashi smiles softly at him.  
"Not about the match, about seeing Kuroo again," Akaashi says, and he watches blankly as Bokutos bright grin twitches a bit, and his eyes go a little hollow as he looks straight ahead.  
  
"I, um," Bokuto slowly brings his arms down to sit in his lap, and he crosses his ankles together, twiddles his thumbs as he blinks down to watch himself fumble with his hands.  
"I don't know," he says, and wipes his sweaty palms on his volleyball uniform shorts.  
"That means you are," Akaashi says, and he relaxes himself to sit back into the seat of the bus.  
  
A dull silence.  
  
"Look at me, Bokuto-san," Akaashi says, and Bokuto turns his head, and Akaashi doesn't think he's ever seen a look like that on his senior before.  
"You pay attention to the game, when you see him today, and don't you falter," Akaashi says, and turns his body towards him when Bokuto stammers.  
"But-"  
"You listen," Akaashi says sternly, and Bokutos eyes go wide at just how bold Akaashi is being.  
  
"This is your last year," he starts, and Bokuto feels a familiar pull at his chest, "we're going to go to nationals, and you need to put your head in the game, right now," Akaashi says through clenched teeth. Bokuto just stares.  
  
"You can be mad at him, you can be sad, you can be scared, but don't let it affect your performance, don't let it get to you when you're on the court. Shake his hand, no matter how you feel, play the game, and then you can deal with whatever it is you need to deal with. Be professional, you're a third year."  
  
Bokuto takes a deep breath, wrings his hands together before setting them on his knees. He looks up and purses his lips together in thought.  
  
"It won't get to me, Akaashi," he says, and he means it.

  
                     The first thing Bokuto notices is the squeak of his shoes on the court, and of course he makes a point of it by shuffling around until the floor scuffs and Akaashi yells at him.  
  
The second thing he notices is that he feels pumped, doesn't feel scared anymore.  
  
And the last thing he notices before the game of Cats vs. Owls is when Nekoma walks past them in the hallway.  
  
Bokuto is in front, walking alongside Akaashi with his zipped up club jacket. Kuroo is also in front, Kenma slightly behind him immersed in his PsP.  
The two share a glance, and Bokuto breathes in heavily when they lock eyes. Kuroo doesn't look confident in his face, doesn't look excited or anything Kuroo usually is as soon as he sees Bokuto. Kuroos posture was confident, and his looks made him feral, but Bokuto knows this guy. Bokuto knows when he's happy, knows when he's sad, and Kuroo looks far from happy. They cross paths, and their shoulders bump together.  
"Sorry," the Nekoma captain says, stopping for a moment to mutter it over his shoulder without looking at Bokuto before he's walking faster to catch up to the rest of his team.  
  
He notices his voice has no anger in it, no sadness, just blank.

When Bokuto spikes the winning point for Fukurodani, he's pumping his fist in the air, screaming and yelling with Akaashi and the rest of the team. They jump to him and Bokuto wraps his arms around the backs of the big pile they're in. The Fukurodani cheerleaders are going crazy, screaming and yelling and repetitions of "Nationals!" and "Fukurodani Acadamy is going to Nationals!" are yelled throughout the stadium over and over. Bokuto, in his victorious rush, catches glimpse of Kuroo standing in the middle of the court on the other side, hands on his hips as he looks towards the ceiling with his eyes shut tight, breathing heavy. Kuroo wipes sweat from his forehead, touches underneath his bangs, and swipes them away. Bokuto watches him fan himself with his hand as Kenma comes up to him and says something. Kuroo nods, and Bokuto feels like looking away, but he can't.  
  
The two catch eyes again, and Kuroo looks away.

           Bokuto sits on the bleachers with Akaashi and watches Nekoma play Nohebi, watches Kuroo get pumped up and watches the Nohebi captain whose name he doesn't know pump right back. Kuroo looks frustrated, angry, and Akaashi says that he thinks the Nohebi captain is rousing him.  
"I've never seen him like that before," Akaashi points out, shifts himself so that he rests his elbows on his knees, and brings his hands up to cup his face.  
Bokuto sighs.  
"You should go talk to him after," Akaashi says, but Bokuto already knows he's going to.  
When the final set is finished, and the Nekoma and Nohebi captains shake hands again, Bokuto stands up and makes his way off of the bleachers, and he hears Akaashi say that their bus leaves in a half hour. He feels his eyes watching Kuroo, watching where he's going to go. Nekoma walks past a part of the bleachers where Bokuto was standing, and Bokuto crouches down, doesn't think anyone saw. He follows them down, feels stealthy, like a ninja.  
  
He would laugh and pretend more and indulge himself in a ninja fantasy to amuse himself if he wasn't so set on getting to Kuroo.  
He watches Kuroo stand with Kenma, as he's hidden skillfully, crouched behind a vending machine. Kenma says something to him, sets a hand on his shoulder before Kuroo splits off into the opposite direction of the change room.  
  
"Perfect," Bokuto says, under his breath, as he tip toes by and watches Kuroo walk into the boys washroom, alone.  
He takes a deep breath, and speed walks to the door. He looks around quickly, before slowly, ever so slowly, creaking the door open and slipping inside.  
  
The bright florescent lights blind him for a moment, and he notices the two at the back of the tiled bathroom are burned out, another flickering every few seconds or so. He takes a glimpse at Kuroo, across the room, and he's looking at himself in the mirror for a moment, before he dips his head down into the sink. Bokuto watches him turn on the tap, watches cool water coat his hair and flatten it down against his head.  
  
It takes Bokuto a few seconds to realize he has no fucking clue what he's going to say. So he just stuffs a hand into his pocket, runs his nails over the sheer and flimsy jacket pockets until it makes a weird sound, plays with the towel around his neck with his other hand.  
He musters the courage to take a few steps, but Kuroo doesn't look up. He takes a few more, and Kuroo still doesn't look up, just lets the water run over him, and Bokuto thinks he may get brain freeze if he stood under there for another second. It's when Bokuto is only a few feet behind Kuroo when he sighs, and says,  
  
"Kuroo," in a light but firm voice.  
  
Kuroo jumps at his name being called, smacks his head against the tap as he reels back and grabs at his head.  
  
"Shit!" he says, and rubs circles into his hair around the quickly forming bump, checks his hand to see if he's bleeding, before he's turning around.  
Kuroos eyes go wide for a moment before they go half lidded again, normal Kuroo.  
Bokuto says nothing, just stares at his shoes for a moment, shuffles them around and curls his toes in his sneakers until a knuckle cracks. Bokuto breathes.

_You have to say something eventually, Bo_

"Are you okay?" Bokuto says, keeps his head facing down but his eyes flick up to look at Kuroo. Kuroo looks dazed, like he didn't think he was going to be asked that question, before he laughs and shoves his hands into his pockets.  
  
"Yeah," he smiles slightly, and Bokuto notes how it doesn't look sincere in the slightest, "just bumped my head a bit."  
  
"That's good."  
  
Another silence covers the room, covers them both and Bokuto feels like he's suffocating. Everything all of a sudden seems too bright, and everything suddenly becomes entirely uncomfortable and Bokuto wants to get the hell out of there as fast as he can.  
  
But he doesn't, he plants his feet and relaxes his shoulders and takes a deep breath, looks his head up and stares Kuroo in the eye.  
  
"I heard about what happened," he says, and after he says it he's lost the puff in his chest and his confidence again but he keeps his eyes locked with Kuroos.  
Kuroo cocks his head ever so slightly, before he's bringing a towel he had around his shoulders to his hair and rubbing it furiously. When he takes it off his hair is sticking up in odd places, and Bokuto resists the urge to point out how cute it looks.  
  
"What happened?" he says when he brings the towel back down, and it doesn't sound like he's joking. Bokuto gawks, searches his mind to see if everything Akaashi told him was a dream or not, or something Akaashi made up. But Bokuto knows Akaashi wouldn't make this up, and he's pretty sure it wasn't all some sick dream.  
  
"With Kenma, a few nights ago," Bokuto swallows when he notices the exact moment Kuroo understands, "about what you said...about me.."  
Bokuto's shaking, hands coming up to stroke over each other. Kuroo looks at him with big eyes, face turning a little pale. Kuroo looks down, eyes still wide as he lets his mouth fall open and he closes his eyes tightly before letting out a big, shaky, shuddering breath. Bokuto watches him swallow, before he pulls his head up one last time.  
  
"I-" Bokuto starts, but Kuroo is fast, and he starts to speed walk in Bokutos direction.  
  
"I have to go," he states, and Bokuto grabs his arm in a vice grip.  
  
"No, bro" he says, pulls a little on Kuroo's arm.  
  
"I have to go," he repeats, and tugs for his arm back but Bokuto reaches out to grab it with two hands now.  
  
"I haven't seen you in forever, dude," Bokuto starts, tries to reel Kuroo back in to talking with him again, "if it's..if it's all true.. I need to like.." Bokuto stammers, and while he's stammering and fumbling around in his own mind for words, Kuroo rips his arm away.  
Bokuto looks up for a moment and reaches to grab his arm again but Kuroo is standing there, fists clenched at his sides as he stares at the ground, not moving.  
  
"I need to know if you're actually okay," Bokuto says, and Kuroo looks up at him again, watches everything Bokuto does.  
  
"Are you?"  
  
Kuroo grunts, clenches his teeth and rips his gaze away for a moment before he goes slack. And then he turns to Bokuto, and in just a few seconds, he's shoved into the closest stall to them in one fluid motion.  
  
"No," Bokuto hears Kuroo say, isn't processing anything as his back roughly hits one of the walls of the stall, and he closes his eyes tightly when his head connects with it.  
He's dazed, but then there's a warm body hovering right in front of him and he quickly snaps his eyes open. Kuroo doesn't do anything, just staring into Bokutos golden rimmed eyes for a moment before his lip starts quivering, and Bokuto doesn't know what to say.  
  
Kuroo presses his lips to his, chaste and sweet, and he pulls back to press their foreheads together slightly. He says something barely audible against Bokutos lips, and Bokuto wants to ask what he said, but Kuroo clears his throat, kisses him again. Bokuto is too stunned to kiss back, trying to open his mouth to speak but Kuroo is there taking his mouth and kissing him sweetly. Every feeling Bokuto has been repressing, for months, trying to forget, comes back to him in a rush of headiness. He wants Kuroo to kiss him for hours, wants to kiss him back, wants to hold hands and take the train back to Kuroos house so that they could make dinner and sleep. Kuroo clears his throat again and pulls back to look at the other boy, and Bokuto notices slight tears forming in Kuroos eyes.  
  
"I missed you," he says, and Bokutos stomach drops and he feels his heart ache, shuts his eyes tight as if to get away from Kuroos words.  
  
"I missed you, I missed you," Kuroo breathes against his lips, twisting fingers into Bokutos that are laying tense at his sides, presses their lips together again and again. He gives Bokuto a mantra of 'I missed you's' over and over against him, each phrase punctuated with a kiss. Bokuto tries to say something again, opens his mouth but Kuroo doesn't want him to speak, just wishes Bokuto would let him kiss him until they're breathless.  
  
"You heard Kenma? What did he say?" Kuroo says, and leaves Bokutos lips for a moment to drag his hands up and down Bokutos sides, rests his forehead on one of his shoulders.  
  
Bokutos breath hitches as he tries to search his mind to answer Kuroos question.  
  
"He.. he told Akaashi, and Akaashi told me.. and, he said you were crying," he sighs into the air. Kuroo tenses.  
  
"He told me you were really upset, and you were scared to see me today.." Bokuto says, and Kuroo replies with another kiss but this time to the junction between his shoulder and neck.  
  
"I was, I _am_ " Kuroos voice sounds broken, and Bokuto can't help the sad whimper that tears itself from his throat.  
  
"..why..?" Bokuto says, throat tensing as it comes out, nostrils flaring as he tries not to cry. Kuroo pulls back with an exasperated laugh, grips Bokutos sides and rubs his thumbs into his defined hipbones.  
  
"Don't you get it Bo?" He smiles something sad, eyes tearing up but he quickly blinks them away. He laughs again as if in disbelief.  
He places another kiss to Bokuto's lips, to his forehead, and pulls back to mutter the words,

"Dude, I love you."

Bokuto short circuits, eyebrows coming together while his face is flushing and his eyes are blinking rapidly. He looks away as he tries to collect himself quickly. But Kuroo doesn't let him, he just keeps talking, spills his feelings onto Bokuto like he did with the cold tap water in his hair.  
  
"I kissed you the first time because I _liked_ you, I kissed you and touched you because I _liked_ you, and despite everything I said, I still do. I couldn't, I couldn't keep doing what we were doing for so long, it hurt me, it hurt knowing it was just sex and nothing else. I couldn't do it anymore, Kou," he breathes against him. Bokutos heart rate has picked up considerably, and he feels like he's hyperventilating underneath Kuroo. His hands shake in Kuroos grasp, and he doesn't know what else to do besides listen.  
  
"But.... fuck.." Kuroo says, leans down to kiss Bokutos forehead and doesn't move, lips pressed firmly on him for a while before he's pulling back again, "it's worse just not seeing you anymore, I missed you, I missed you so much, dude, I," Kuroo sighs, the sides of his mouth quirking up into a slight smile. Bokuto knows he's red, knows he's burning up.  
  
Kuroo loved him.  
  
"I need to stop talking," Kuroo says, and leans in to Bokuto again to lock lips.  
  
But Bokuto pushes him off very gently.  
  
"I, I um.." Bokuto says, mind hazy, out of it, everything is too much too fast and he doesn't know what to do. He looks down and to the side, blushing and pressing his lips together, feeling how hot they are. He's confused, and that's the only thing he knows. Kuroo stumbles back a bit, hands still grasping lightly onto a few of Bokutos fingers. His cheeks are red, mouth slightly agape and eyebrows knitted together as he watches Bokutos face for something, anything.  
  
"The...." Bokuto looks up to the ceiling, down at his feet, then out of the stall to look at the clock on the wall.  
  
"This is too much," he says, and he watches Kuroos face go blank, not unhappy, not sad, not confused, but blank, as if Bokuto had confirmed a question in his mind. A realization, like something he thought he knew this whole time but didn't know for sure. He looked like the sliver of hope that Kuroo had left in his heart was gone and his suspicion that it didn't exist in the first place was right all along. He presses his lips into a line, and connects his head to the stall wall behind him, letting go of Bokutos fingers in favour of letting his arms hang loosely at his sides, defeated.  
  
"The bus... it's leaving, I have to go," Bokuto says, voice shaky and hitching as he struggles to even speak. His limbs feel like jelly, and he bolts from the bathroom stall and sprints down the halls to where he left his bag. Bokuto gets on the bus right in time, and sits by himself for half of the ride. He sighs.  
  
Kuroo didn't chase after him this time.

  
              During a stop at a red light, Akaashi stood up and quickly shuffled towards Bokuto where he sits alone near the front of the bus. Bokuto pays no mind to him, just watches out the window as if he doesn't notice. Akaashi takes out the half eaten melon bread Bokuto has in his bag, and starts to nibble on it as he lets out a satisfied sigh and smiles to himself slightly.  
  
"So," Akaashi starts, and Bokuto does not feel ready for this conversation.  
  
"Did you talk to him?"  
  
Bokuto groans quietly to himself and smacks his head softly against the window of the bus.  
  
"You didn't, did you?" Akaashi sighs.  
  
"I did, actually.." Bokuto retorts with a slightly defensive expression.  
  
"That's surprising, what happened?"  
  
"Nothing.. just.." Bokuto starts, feels the need to smack his head repeatedly over and over again on the glass so that he forgets about everything. Maybe he'd get amnesia and forget all of his feelings, forget everything Kuroo has ever said to him, forget Kuroo Tetsurou all together. He feels a hand on his back as Bokuto leans his head harder into the cool glass, and it's slightly comforting but not enough to settle the knot low in his stomach, or the fluttering in his sternum that makes him feel like he's going to be nauseous.  
He takes in a quick, big breath through his nose.  
  
"He said he loves me," Bokuto whispers, nose squishing and lips pressing lightly against the glass. He closes his eyes, takes a large, abundant breath in, watches the road below pass in a dark gray blur. He hears Akaashi let out some kind of noise to indicate he heard him, and it sounds like Akaashi is thinking.  
They stay like that for a while, Bokuto pushing and pressing himself into the window and trying not to think, Akaashi crossing his arms and tapping his foot with his head back and resting on the seat, in thought. A hand is on Bokutos shoulder again and he looks over.  
  
"Text him," Akaashi says, and Bokuto jumps up, bewildered.  
  
"Akaashi? What?" He looks dumbfounded, eyes wide and head tilted to one side as he scratches his head.  
The bus comes to a stop and the team jumps up in excitement to finally be home, finally be able to rest after victory. Bokuto grabs his things, notices his melon bread is gone and gives Akaashi a look while the other boy smirks at him, and they walk off of the bus together.  
  
Everyone is sleepy looking, a few still lazily talking about the win, but Bokuto isn't tired, but he isn't excited.  
They were going to nationals, and while he was feeling it before, it didn't feel like it mattered right now.  
Akaashi pats him on the shoulder, and Bokuto jumps out of his thoughts to keep walking.  
  
"Konoha is going to buy us all pork buns, do you want one?" Akaashi asks, walking slightly ahead of him. Bokuto stops.  
  
"No, not really," he says, kicks his foot at the dirt. Akaashi stops as well. Konoha turns around to wave at Akaashi, the sandy blond smiling and yelling a "you coming!?" loudly throughout the night, which Komi quickly shushed him and slapped him on the back for. Akaashi looks back and waves his hand, as if in dismissal, and then turns back to  
Bokuto, who's standing limply near the bus, is kneading his hands together nervously.  
  
"That's not like you," Akaashi says, "if it's bothering you, fix it."  
  
"It's not that _e_ _asy_  Akaashi!" Bokuto groans and reaches up into his hair, eyes shutting and teeth clenching together as he throws his head back slightly.  
Akaashi says nothing, waits for Bokuto to look back down at him again.  
  
"Isn't it?" he says, and Bokuto doesn't know what to do. The air is chilly tonight and he wants to get home, wants to curl into his bed for a while and play games on his phone. His head won't stop throbbing, and every time he tries to think of something else, the same phrase rolls back through him,  
  
_"Dude, I love you"_  
  
Over and over in an infuriating hymn that just won't go away no matter how hard he tries. It reminds him of the first time he had trouble forcing Kuroo out of his head, remembers Kuroos strong hand on his wrist and his giggling when he almost choked around the rice he stole from him at training camp. He remembers how Kuroo looked when he kissed him for the first time, bathed in nothing but the light glow of his skin and the shine in his eyes. He remembers Kuroo's smile and absent minded humming every time he cooked for him. He can't understand, it was too complicated and he didn't understand.  
  
"It isn't," he twiddles his thumbs as he looks down. Akaashi breathes in a small laugh.  
  
"Yes, yes it is Bokuto-san. Think about it."  
  
"I can't stop thinking about it.."  
  
"Exactly, and," Akaashi kicks the ground, sounds like he's about to say something painful.  
  
"You overthink things so much sometimes you can't see what's right in front of you," he huffs.  
  
Bokuto raises a brow.  
  
"No I dont?"  
  
"Yes you do?"  
  
They both stand there for a moment, chilled wind ruffling their clothes and hair and making goosebumps rise on their skin.  
  
"Today," he laughs, "you forgot how to do cross spikes, you just _forgot_."  
  
"What does that have to do with anything?" Bokuto cocks his head, watches the other roll his narrow eyes.  
  
"You've worked on cross spikes for so long, right? So that you could use them on the court. And you mastered them, and now after you haven't done anything with them for a long time, you forgot."  
  
Bokuto is confused, mouth etches up at the corners in a nervous, lost smile. His eyebrows string together, and he almost asks something, but Akaashi continues.  
  
"If I'm correct, Kuroo is the cross spikes."  
  
"Kuroo is a person?" Bokuto folds his arms, completely lost. Akaashi groans, pinches the bridge of his nose between thumb and forefinger with that signature annoyed look Akaashi pulled off so well.  
  
"You're so goddamn dense," Akaashi says, and Bokuto huffs a little. He was not! Before he could reply, Akaashi is trying to help him get onto his train of thought.  
  
"You worked at something with Kuroo, and I'm not sure if you're calling it love right now, but you worked at something with him. You haven't talked to him in forever, and now," Akaashi says, "I think you have forgotten exactly what you were aiming for in the first place. I think you've forgotten just how deeply this is affecting you, still, even now."  
  
Bokuto sighs, still doesn't really understand.  
  
"I.. I don't, really, get it..." Bokuto says, rubs the back of his neck with his hand. Akaashi groans louder this time, and Bokuto doesn't think he's actually heard Akaashi talk this much at once.  
  
"If you don't understand, then just trust me," he says, and Bokuto perks up, listening for the advice.  
  
"Text him, you have to say something to him. Nothing you're feeling, nothing both of you are feeling is going to ever go away, that's apparent in how you both are still so strung up, even after months of being angry with each other."  
  
"Akaaaashiiii..." Bokuto whines, "I can't, he's just- I don't know, and I'm not good at texting."  
  
Akaashi says nothing, huffs, and turns around.  
  
"I'm going to go get a pork bun," he states. Bokuto feels himself reaching out, and Akaashi notices. When they lock eyes again it makes Bokuto realize how much he really, really didn't want Akaashi to walk away. If Akaashi walks away he won't be able to figure this out, he hasn't been able to figure this out on his own, and he knows Akaashi is right when he says that he's not going to be over this any time soon. He wants to stop thinking about how achy he feels all the time, wants to stop feeling like he's lost when he doesn't feel like he's had anything to begin with.  
  
"Bokuto-san, one last time," Akaashi sighs as he's still taking a few steps away from him.  
  
"If you don't fix this now, it's going to get harder and harder to bear with. You have to do something, and it has to be you."  
  
Bokuto tenses up, doesn't want to face this.  
  
"And I think if you stopped digging so deep underneath these..." Akaashi waves his hands around a bit, "...these feelings you have, you'll be able to find exactly what the problem is."  
  
Bokuto squirms slightly, wraps his arms around himself as he looks down at his feet, shivering from the air.  
  
"What do you think I'll find?" he sighs.  
  
Akaashi waits for a while, ponders if he should actually say anything at all.  
  
"I think you love him back," Bokuto freezes, and it's so much worse to hear what he's known this whole time out loud. It feels like now that Akaashi's said it, it's set in stone.  
  
"But neither of you are going to get what you want, unless you do something."  
  
Bokuto perks up, shuddering as everything hits him at once. He loves Kuroo, he wants him in every way he can get, and while he pushed his feelings aside before he finds himself overwhelmed with just the amount of passion that's rippling through him when he finally mutters,  
  
"I do love him..." to himself, before he claps his hands together and breathes.  
  
Akaashi says nothing as Bokuto gets that familiar Bokuto determination, and bolts down the street.

  
             It's only 5:30, and Bokuto catches the last train to the other side of Tokyo, and he's bouncing his feet and cracking his knuckles every once in a while, eyes wild and lip sucked in between his teeth. He abandons any courtesy he's every learned when the train comes to a stop, waits by the doors and as soon as they slide open enough for him to fit through he's running down the dark, busy streets again. He's met with questionable glances, annoyed faces and angry once as he bumps into people and runs against the tide of traffic.  
  
He runs 3 blocks before he doubles over tripping over his own shoe and falling onto a patch of grass beside the sidewalk of an empty street. He's breathing heavy, sweat rolling down the sides of his face. As he catches his breath, he realizes that Kuroo might not even be home, and whips out his phone with so much force he almost thinks if he wasn't holding onto it tight enough he might have thrown it.

 **To: Kuroo**  
**Hey, what's up?**

He texts, thumbs the home button on his phone as he waits for a reply. He doesn't want Kuroo to know he's near the neighbourhood until he's close enough that Kuroo couldn't run away from him. Kuroo had never been one to not respond, and after about 15 minutes of staring at the gravel building up under the curb of the street, listening to the water underneath the road in the sewers rushing around. He knew Kuroo must have his phone, thinks he's just ignoring him.  
So he pulls his phone shakily up to his ear as he lies down on the grass, facing up. It doesn't ring, and goes straight to voicemail.  
  
**_*"Ayy, it's Kuroo Tetsurou here, leave a message or something,"*_ **  
  
Bokuto grumbles to himself as he calls twice again, realizing Kuroo must have shut his phone off.  
He stands, starts to walk to Kuroos house in vain hopes he's there, gym bag hitting him as he walks and backpack bouncing with it. He halts as he remembers he added Kenma's phone number into his address book like a year ago.  
He scrolls through his contacts, finds Kenmas name and clicks it, hoping he hadn't gotten a new number since then.

 **To: Kenma**  
**Kenma!! Bro!!!**

 **From: Kenma**  
**who is this  
  
**  
Bokuto rolls his eyes, and picks up the pace. **  
  
**

**To: Kenma**  
**It's Bokuto!! Do you know if Kuroo's home??? :0  
  
**

**From: Kenma**  
**hes actually at my house rn  
  
**

**To: Kenma**  
**I'm coming over !!  
  
**  
He shuts his phone off and starts running again, turning down only two more streets before he's met with Kuroos house. He takes a deep breath, makes his way up to the street it's on before sharply turning to the house beside his.  
  
He knocks.  
  
A light, footsteps, an old woman comes to the door. She short and stout and smells of lavender.  
  
"Hello! Ma'am!" Bokuto smiles down at her, bending his knees a little to be able to look her in the eyes.  
  
"Who're you?" she asks, voice crinkled like tinfoil.  
  
"I'm Bokuto Koutarou! I'm looking for Kenma Kozume," he smiles down at her. She shakes her head.  
  
"That's two houses down?" she points, a thin, light brow quirking up. Bokuto blushes furiously.  
  
"Oh jeez, my bad!" He says over his shoulder, makes his way down the steps and bounds off to the other house beside Kuroos.  
  
He knocks louder this time, knows for sure this is Kenmas house.  
Footsteps and voices can be heard on the other side, one in a hushed, rough whisper, while the other is in a normal, bored speaking tone. Pixelated music can be heard on full blast, and Bokuto knows it's Kenma.  
  
"Just a sec," Kenma says loud enough for Bokuto to hear on the other side. He presses his ear to the door and tries his best to hear.  
  
"Don't let him in Kenma, I swear,"  
  
"This is my house."  
  
"Then tell him I'm not here, tell him I moved to America."  
  
"You would never survive outside of Japan, I'm surprised you survive here," Kenma deadpans, and Bokuto chuckles softly.  
  
"Kenma, please, dude,"  
  
Kenma makes a groaning noise of displeasure and annoyance.  
  
"How long have you been coming here to cry about this? Go deal with it already," Bokuto hears Kenma say, and he's shocked at how bold he's being.  
  
There's a silence, and Bokuto can only _imagine_ Kuroos face, he sounds so nervous he's probably sweating.  
  
"Come in," Kenma says loudly, hears the strain on his voice, knowing Kenma doesn't talk very loudly almost ever. Bokuto can almost feel his smirk on the other end of the door, "it's open."  
  
Bokuto takes a deep breath, and turns the knob to open the creaky door, but doesn't let himself in.  
  
"Uh.." he swallows a lump in his throat when he see's Kuroo, red faced, lip bitten hard between his teeth and eyes wide, eyebrows pinched together in frustration.  
  
"Welcome, what's up?" Kenma says, smiles over his shoulder as he pauses his game on his PsP.  
  
"I," Bokuto swallows again, "I came for Kuroo," he says.  
  
Kuroo is staring at him, and Bokuto refuses to look at him, and ends up staring intensely at Kenma instead, fixates on the roots of his hair to make sure he doesn't tear his eyes away.  
  
"What for?" Kenma says, and Kuroo coughs, shoves his fists to his sides.  
"What for?" he says louder, obviously wanting to talk for himself. Kenma chuckles.  
  
"Yeah okay," he says, waves his hand around to dismiss himself as he walks out of the living room and down a flight of stairs.  
  
Bokuto breathes in, and doesn't exhale for a moment.  
  
"I want you to watch a movie with me," Bokuto lets out the breath after he says it, looks directly into Kuroos eyes.  
"B-but, uh," Kuroo stutters, looks dumbfounded, and cute and stupid in his kitten print pajama pants, Bokuto must add.  
"But it's like 6... and, and I'm not dressed,"  
  
"So get dressed," he snaps back, and Kuroo almost jumps at that. Bokuto smiles, feels triumphant. Kuroo runs a hand through his hair, pupils dilated and mouth pursed together as he stares down at the floor in thought.  
  
"I, I don't know," he mutters. Bokuto smiles.  
  
"It's okay!" he tries to reassure him, takes a step forward, and Kuroo takes a shuffling step back that doesn't go unnoticed but he doesn't respond to.  
  
"We'll just be guys being dudes!" Bokuto laughs, waves his arms around energetically, and Kuroos eyebrows tense even more at that, as if he's overwhelmed with Bokutos energy.  
  
"But," Kuroo swallows, and Bokuto doesn't think he's ever seen Kuroo this distressed before, this shy and blushy, and it's so unlike him, "I don't want to do anything that I'll regret."  
  
Bokuto smiles softly, heart beating wildly in his chest as his body screams _no_ and he wants to run away but he knows he shouldn't, knows he won't this time. He reaches forward, takes Kuroos hand in his and rubs a thumb over the knuckles, clasps onto it with his other hand as well.  
  
"You won't regret it," he says, and Kuroos the one to sputter this time.

  
         Kuroo forgot his key in his house, so they had to go back to Kenmas backyard and hop the back fence into Kuroos yard. Kuroo was surprisingly not so bad and landed on his feet, but Bokuto fell on his back and smacked his head against the ground. Kuroo laughed into his hand, watched Bokuto as he stumbled around his yard to collect himself.  
  
Kuroo got changed, and Bokuto waited outside of his bedroom, door shut tightly. He looked up and saw himself in the mirror, dusted off his uniform he was still wearing and realized he should probably change too. He reached into his bag and pulled out the light green shirt and jeans he had worn to the spring tournament before he changed. He stripped and redressed quickly enough that Kuroo didn't leave his room before he was finished changing, and Bokuto felt content in dodging that particular bullet. He pulls his bag over his shoulder, checks that he does in fact have his wallet so that he and Kuroo didn't go all the way to the theaters and had no money. Kuroo gives him a quick look, and he looks like he wants to say something but he's not sure if he should. Bokuto notices and catches his attention with just his eyes and curious glare, and it traps Kuroo into having to tell him.  
  
"You're not mad at me are you?" Kuroo asks in a throaty voice.  
  
"Of course not, dude," Bokuto says, without thinking about what Kuroo was specifically referring to.  
  
"I cut you off though, months ago, you should be mad at me," he says, squirms his hands into his black hoodie pocket.  
  
"I'm not mad," Bokuto smiles warmly, "now let's go."  
  
They make their way down the stairs, Kuroo grabbing his key, and searching around on a table and looking through some drawers.  
  
"What're you looking for?" Bokuto asks, opens a few drawers as well to try to help Kuroo.  
  
"Money," Kuroo mutters, lifts a large dishcloth off the counter to discover a small coin.  
  
Bokuto laughs loud, head tilted back and shoulders shaking.  
  
"I got this bruh," he says, "I'll pay for you, no worries." Kuroo's eyes go wide, and Bokuto thinks he was going to put up a bit more of a fight, but Kuroo is slipping on a light jacket and shoes already and they're out the door within a few more seconds.  
  
Bokuto and Kuroo buy snacks, and Bokuto drops all of his change onto the register and stammers tremendously, scavenging around on the ground to try to pick it up while embarrassing himself. Kuroo laughed loud and apologized for him, and the petit girl at the register just cutely giggled along, handed them their popcorn and drinks.  
  
They're halfway into the Deadpool movie when Bokuto looks over at Kuroo next to him, they're at the top row of seats and there's a decent amount of people around. Kuroo is immersed in the movie, apparently his nervousness forgotten. He sips at his slushie, staring at the screen, and Bokuto finds it all so endearing. He watches him, taking his mind off the movie to watch him laugh, giggle, until Kuroo looks over to tell him something about what just happened and catches Bokuto staring. Bokuto jumps, makes a high 'eep' sound and snaps his head back to the screen.  
The reason he takes Kuroo out, besides that he just really, really loves the Deadpool movie, is that he thinks that it's time to confess.

          He knows Kuroo enjoyed himself, knows that he liked the movie and knows he had fun, and that's exactly what Bokuto wants.  
So when they leave, and walk back to Kuroos house only a few blocks away, Bokuto starts talking.  
  
"Do you remember what happened earlier?" Bokuto says, hands rubbing over each other nervously. Kuroo looks down, looks away, and Bokuto swears the tips of his ears are turning red but it's too dark to tell for sure.  
  
"Y-yeah," he sighs, pulls out his key from his back pocket and shoves it into the lock with a shaky, shaky hand.  
They step inside, kick off their shoes, and Bokuto reaches out, grabs Kuroos thumb and then wiggles his fingers over his hand until he's holding it. He's blushing.  
  
"Um," Kuroo says, goes to rip his hand away but Bokuto doesn't let him. He pulls him a little closer, and Kuroo huffs.  
  
"Stop it," he says, pulls his hand away completely, and starts to walk up the stairs to his room, blushing furiously with a defeated look on his face. Bokuto licks his lips, determined to finish this off once and for all.  
  
"Why?" he says, follows Kuroo up the stairs as they creak under both of their weights.  
  
"You're just," he says, opens the door to his room and walks inside, and it looks like he's realized he didn't really think this through and just walked up to his room for some kind of way to escape the other boy. Bokuto doesn't let him respond, pulls at his hand again, but Kuroo rips it away.  
  
"Stop! Seriously, jeez.." he says, crouches down to pick up his stuffed animal off the ground and shove it under the bed frame again, then sits down on his bed. Bokuto sits beside him, a bit too close, and Kuroo shuffles slightly away. It makes Bokutos heart sink.  
  
"Don't like, tease me like this," Kuroo says, grumbling to himself. Bokuto says nothing, reaches over and grips Kuroos wrist in his hand, just like Kuroo had done to him so many months ago.  
  
"Listen," he says, softly, and Kuroos eyes snap open wide.  
  
"I want you to say it again," Bokuto says, leans up and over until Kuroo loses his balance and his back hits the mattress. Bokuto isn't exactly over top, but he's leaning down into him, into his personal space. Kuroo swallows.  
  
"Say what...?" His eyebrows draw together in frustration, getting ready to be angry in case he has to. Bokuto nudges his nose above Kuroos brow, whispers softly and kind into his skin.  
  
"Say that you love me again," Bokuto says, and the quick, heavy intake of breath Kuroo takes is almost comical. It goes silent for a moment, neither boy saying anything, Bokuto staring at the expanse of skin in front of him that is Kuroos forehead. He feels a shiver go through Kuroos body.  
  
"Bo..." he sighs, doesn't say anything, turns his head on the pillow and looks away.  
  
"Bo, this is-this is different than, like, dirty talk and shit you can't just-" But Kuroos cut off with a surprised gasp when Bokuto kisses him softly on the cheek, trails his lips down to his neck and just presses them there, smiles against his heated skin.  
  
"I know it's different," he mumbles against his skin, pecking it once more.  
  
"Then why are you continuing to-" Kuroo's voice is a light, breathy whisper, and sounds actually completely confused and exasperated.   
  
"I still want to hear it again," Bokuto says, and Kuroo sighs and shivers when Bokuto kisses a little more firmly into the juncture of his collarbone, open mouthed and hot.

_I want to hear it so I can say it too_

Kuroo shudders, sighs, makes soft, quiet breathing noises to himself as he tries to push the words off his tongue.  
  
"I love you," he mumbles, but once it's out it seems Kuroo can't stop.  
  
"I love you, I love you, I lo-" and Bokuto smiles down at him, and it makes Kuroo stop.  
  
"See? That wasn't so bad," he says, eyes half lidded and a warm smile on his features. Kuroo looks embarrassed, almost furious as he turns his head away.  
  
"What are you doing....Is this payback for not talking to you in forever?" he whispers, almost to himself. Bokuto traces fingertips lightly up Kuroos chest, watches as he winces underneath him and tries to keep himself from shaking. He trails them up to rest warmly on his throat for a moment, before he dips down, nuzzles into his neck. His heart warms, beats heavy in his chest, and all the weight he's held there for months dissipates.  
  
"I love you too," he whispers into Kuroos neck, pecks him softly there too. He feels Kuroo still under him.  
  
"W-what?" his voice is a squeak, and Bokuto chuckles lightly.  
  
"I said I love you too," he leans down again into Kuroos face, presses their noses together and Kuroo blinks his eyes shut, open, shut, open, a bead of sweat rolling off of his forehead and onto the sheets below. And then Kuroo does start shaking.  
They stay like that for a while, Kuroo unable to say anything and Bokuto not knowing what else to say. But he gets the urge to kiss him again. Bokuto moves just the few inches to do just that, but stops himself, and Kuroo sucks in a breath in anticipation.  
  
"Can I kiss you?" Bokuto asks, reaches a hand up to swipe Kuroos bangs out of the way. Bokuto hears a so very unlike Kuroo whine bubble up at the back of his throat, and he croaks out a "yess.."  
  
And he does, softly at first, like a butterfly landed on Kuroos lips, and then Bokuto is pressing just a little harder. Kuroo quickly brings a hand up, hovers it above Bokutos soft hair, the gel gone after his shower after the game before the Nohebi and Nekoma match. Bokuto smiles, feels it resting there, takes it with his own hand and threads it through and then kisses him harder.  
Kuroo is kissing back with passion that Bokuto can barely keep up with, neck craned up off the bed so he's half sitting and half lying down, Bokuto almost straddling his lap. Kuroo reels back slightly, stopping the long kissing to peck cutely at the side of his mouth, his nose, his forehead and his cheeks, dips down to his lips again to press a big one on him.  
  
"You really mean it?" he mutters high and whiny against Bokutos lips, and Bokuto feels drunk, feels heady and giggly and hyper.  
  
It's happiness.  
  
He surges forward, knocking Kuroo back into the mattress as he presses their mouths together again sweetly and kisses Kuroo like it's the end of the world, working his lips in a quick, excited pattern that Kuroo adores. Kuroos hands slide up his back, pulls him closer and tugs Bokutos shirt in his fingers, giggles against his lips and Bokuto giggles right back.  
  
"Yes, yes, yes I mean it," they both smile against each other, teeth clicking together and they laugh quietly, hushed but excited, acting as if they were trying to hide their voices from someone else in the room.  
  
"For so long, Kuroo," he mumbles in between kisses. Kuroo pulls him tight.  
  
"How long?"  
  
"Since training camp," he says, eyes half lidded and Kuroos eyebrows draw up and pinch together again, "maybe more." Kuroo gasps slightly, pulls Bokuto from pressing flush against him in favour of looking into his eyes.  
  
"Why didn't you say anything?" he sounds exasperated, almost, almost hurt.  
  
"It, it was so hard," Bokuto says, and Kuroo almost frowns, but pulls him close again with strong arms.  
  
"It doesn't matter," he smiles, kisses underneath Bokutos jaw and nuzzles into his shoulder.

They fall asleep on each other just like that, rolling around and giggling until they're tired and Bokuto passes out on top of Kuroo and he has to push him off. Kuroo traced the pads of his fingers up and around Bokutos shoulders until he too went limp and fell asleep.

  
Bokuto awakes to a warm, buttery, sweet smell in the air and blankets tangled in between his limbs. His eyes are heavy, a burn on the corners of his eyes. As he sits up, looking around frantically before remembering exactly where he is, he sighs. A smile plays on his features as he recalls the nights events.  
  
Bokuto drags his hands through the thick sheets, restlessly moving his legs and arms around as an overwhelming wave of joy flows through him. The confession the night before, filled with kisses and murmers of each others names, was beautiful, blissful, exactly what Bokuto wanted the night to end on. Standing up, he stretches his muscles and cracks his back with a lazy yawn, before making his way out of Kuroos room and down the staircase. He follows the pleasant, sugary smell coming from the kitchen, mouth already watering.  
  
He see's Kuroo, in a plain gray baggy sweatshirt and the kitten print boxers Bokuto had seen months before and hasn't seen since. Kuroo's tugging underneath a pancake in a frying pan with a spatula, having trouble getting it to unstick. He sees Bokuto from the corner of his eye, doesn't turn to him, just looks down into the pan as his cheeks dust a pretty pink. But he doesn't look frustrated, doesn't look confused, instead he smiles, and he looks like he's trying to contain an overflow of happiness threatening to burst through his chest.  
  
"Good morning," Bokuto says, rocks back and forth on his heels, plays with the end of his shirt from the day before that he slept in. Kuroo beams at that, half from finally getting the pancake from the pan and half from Bokuto just being there, finally, after so long.  
  
"'Morning," Kuroo says lazily, scrapes the pancake up and puts it on a plate beside him with 2 other pancakes stacked on it.  
  
"You made pancakes," Bokuto grins.  
  
"I did indeed, make pancakes," Kuroo says, playful and light, and Bokuto would give him a hug if he didn't know that he would somehow end up burning both of them on the stove or making Kuroo drop the pancakes everywhere.  
  
"Could you grab the syrup from the fridge?" Kuroo asks, and Bokuto does, places it on the table, and sits down. After a moment of though, he stands up again, fumbles with the cutlery drawer before he pulls some forks and knives out and sets them down on the table.  
Kuroo places two plates of pancakes on the table, and Bokuto hurriedly sits down and goes to grab at the syrup. A hand stops him as the syrup is snatched away by Kuroo, always quicker.  
  
"Wait," he says, some of the syrup that was sticking to the bottle getting onto his fingers, and he lazily licks it off. Bokuto quirks a brow when Kuroo leans down into his line of vision from where he was standing, crouches down on his toes slightly and rests his hands on his thighs as he looks right into Bokutos confused face.  
  
"What?" he says, almost choking on his own saliva quickly forming in his mouth.  
Kuroo has a soft smile on his face, softer than ever.  
  
"You said you loved me last night," Kuroo says, and Bokuto feels a flush come to his cheeks, nodding slightly. Kuroo grins, big, before he leans into Bokutos personal space, sweetly places his lips on his and pulls back ever so slightly to whisper against him.  
  
"Thank you for telling me."  
  
"No..no problem, dude," Bokuto replies, and Kuroo chuckles softly.  
  
"It was a problem, a huge one," he says, and Bokuto knows he had brushed it off a little too lightly. Kuroo was right, it definitely was a problem, apparently one that tore them both apart the past few months.  
Kuroo rests his hand on Bokutos and latches on, pulls him up off of the chair as he stands up. He doesn't say anything, just leads Bokuto into the living room quickly, helps make his way to the couch.  
  
"Wait here," Kuroo says, and he hesitantly stands in front of the couch, confusion splayed on his face yet again as Kuroo leaves into the kitchen for a minuite. When he comes back, whistling, flipping a small bottle in the air and catching it, Bokuto almost laughs.  
  
"Do you keep lube in your kitchen?"  
  
"Only occasionally," he laughs, "sometimes I jack off when I cook."  
  
Bokuto does laugh, loudly, at that.  
  
"Really? Why?"  
  
"It's two birds with one stone, my guy," he winks, places the bottle next to himself as he sits down on the couch. Bokuto doesn't know how to respond, turning to look down at Kuroo.  
  
"Sit," Kuroo says, smile big and teeth shiny. Bokuto goes to do just that, right beside Kuroo, and the black haired places a hand where he was going to sit, and Bokuto looks up.  
  
"No, sit here," a small grin, he pats his lap. Bokuto groans low in his throat. He feels embarrassed, but he's starving for this, wished he could have done this and more with Kuroo for the past few months. He decides he doesn't care about being embarrassed anymore, and he shuffles down onto Kuroos lap, legs splaying open as he leans his weight on Kuroos strong thighs. Kuroo quickly adjusts his hands so they're playing lightly at Bokutos sides.  
The two are impatient, Bokuto and Kuroo both whipping their tops off and somewhere else in the room, both teaming up to help Bokuto out of his sleeping pants while he still, somehow, stayed sitting on Kuroos lap.  
The two say nothing, stopped by their breathes coming a little too quickly, a little too excitedly from the anticipation of it all.  
  
"I remember last time," Kuroo says, trailing the pads of his fingers lightly down Bokutos sides, and it makes the boy shiver, "praise, huh?"  
It takes Bokuto a moment to remember exactly what he was talking about, squinting at the wall to try to find the memory, and when he realizes he huffs and smiles nervously.  
  
"Y-yeah.." he sighs.  
  
"Hmm.." Kuroo hums lowly to himself in thought, and Bokuto can tell he's trying to figure something out in his head, planning about what exactly he wants to do with that information.  
  
"Cool," he answers lamely, before he's pressing a strong hand into Bokutos back, leaning him more forward until Bokuto is fitting snugly into the dip of his hips. He places sloppy kisses on Bokutos now exposed chest, taking his time and mapping out every groove and muscle he's missed for so long. Bokuto's eyes flutter shut as he lets out a tiny whine at each kiss, already too excited to just be able to do this again, and he unconsciously starts to lean backwards.  
Kuroo tightens one arm around Bokutos lower back, the other still firm on his upper back, as he pulls him back in.  
  
"Closer," he whispers, so Bokuto arches his back the other way as Kuroo takes a nipple into his mouth, tongue laving on top and along it until it's red and stiff.  
  
"Gah," Bokuto says, feels lips smile against him. Kuroo pulls off with a small popping sound, a thumb rubbing over the nipple, admiring his work. He moves his mouth to the other one as he rolls the first between thumb and forefinger.  
  
He drags his tongue up and into Bokutos collarbone and laughs lightly when he notices Bokuto slightly grinding down into him. He lets him, hands gripping his ass to help him with the rhythm of it. Bokutos breathes are coming out in ragged huffs and Kuroos is no better, simply watching and drinking in the sight of Bokuto coming undone in front of him.  
  
"Cold," Bokuto says, locking eyes with Kuroo.  
  
"My hands?"  
  
"No- the..." Bokuto starts, but Kuroo brings his nipple back into his mouth and sucks hard, and Bokuto threads his hand into Kuroos unruly hair as he tries to speak again.  
  
"The p-" he rasps, Kuroo nipping at him ever so slightly, dragging a hand up Bokutos back again.  
  
"What's up baby? Cat got your tongue?" Kuroo says, loudly enough so that he knows Bokuto can hear it, and the other does, groaning at the pet name while simultaneously wanting to roll his eyes at the half assed cat joke. He trails one of his hands so lightly up Bokutos spine and up to his neck Bokuto could barely feel it, but it gives him a full body shiver that Kuroo drinks in greedily. He gets back to work immediately though, relishing in how he can fuck up Bokutos sentences.  
  
"..pa-pancakes.." Bokuto says, grinding down. Kuroo laughs, stops his ministrations to look up at him through half lidded eyes.  
  
"We'll be quick," he says, and Bokuto manages to make a sound that sounded like a 'why?'  
  
"It's to," Kuroo places a few more open mouthed kisses along Bokutos upper stomach, "thank you, for being brave enough to tell me." Bokuto falters, eyes snapping open wide.  
  
"It's not.. brave.. I just.." he tries to find the right words, but Kuroo is quicker, like always.  
  
"It was, I would never have," he reaches into Bokutos underwear, plays his fingers along him until he's gasping,  
"ever," punctuating 'ever' with a grip onto his dick, and he moans. Kuroo continues.  
"..done anything about this, if you hadn't said anything"  
Bokuto bows his head forward when Kuroo pulls him out of his boxers and begins to lazily jack him off.  
  
"Uuh," he mutters, makes small breathy noises, and Kuroo loves them, forgets how much he's missed the tiniest things, like these tiny noises he can pull out of Bokuto that he knows nobody else has heard.  
Bokuto sighs, wiggles his hand into Kuroos boxers and pulls him out as well, and the two lean their foreheads together as they get off, staring into each other. When Bokuto feels hot breath against his lips, Kuroo panting open mouthed on him as he gets lost in it all, Bokuto dashes forward to press their lips together. He quickly opens his mouth, Kuroo doing the same, Kuroo biting onto Bokutos lip when they finally pull apart.  
  
"Pretty," Kuroo comments, and Bokuto wishes he didn't do that so often, because he gets so embarrassed. But then theres a side of it that he loves, and he's come to terms with exactly how much he _does_  like being told things like this, so he whines, high and pretty just like Kuroo said. The other boy takes that as a good sign, pulls Bokuto closer into him as he takes his hand off of his dick to grip hard on the side of his ribs. Bokuto sits up on his knees for a moment to shimmy out of his boxers before sitting back down.  
  
"You missed this, didn't you?" Kuroo says, low, and Bokuto tries and fails not to start shaking. There it is, that damn cockiness that he loves so much but hates that it breaks him down.  
  
"Missed me touching you, missed me _f_ _ucking_  you."  
  
Bokuto downright moans at that one, starts to grind himself down into Kuroo again. He hears the pop of a cap, and he hears the bottle suck air back in to replace the contents that Kuroo had seeped out onto his fingers. He arches his back, and Kuroo finds what he's looking for almost immediately. He doesn't press in at first, just rubs around before he sinks one finger in slightly. Kuroos watching him, knows he's waiting to see discomfort in his face, but Bokuto feels just the opposite. He thrusts himself back until he's taken the entire finger.  
  
"Desperate as ever, I see," Kuroo teases, and Bokuto huffs out an embarrassed sound. Kuroo doesn't move, and Bokuto whines again.  
  
"More, c'mon," he pants, and Kuroo quickly obliges, twists another finger into him harder than the first.  
  
"Yes, yeah, yeah.." Bokuto sighs, bowing his head into the juncture of Kuroos shoulder, starts to suck and lick and bite at the skin there. Kuroo groans, losing the rhythm of his fingers, before he breaks away and starts to do the same to Bokuto. Kuroo scissors his fingers, presses deep, and Bokuto presses right back. When Bokuto suddenly jerks forward violently, almost knocking their heads together, Kuroo lets out a short laugh.  
  
" _Right there Kuroo_ " Bokuto says, whining as he sees stars. Kuroo searches around a bit more until he finds the exact spot he brushed over, and lightly rubs it. Bokuto sighs something broken.  
  
"Feels good? Right," and Kuroo presses down hard, " _here?_ "  
  
Bokuto moans long and loud and Kuroo is relentless with him. Eventually he can't take the hard press and tantalizingly slow rubbing anymore, and moves himself up to slip Kuroos fingers halfway out of him, and away from him. Now that he's not being basically tortured he can be sane enough to reach towards the lube with a shaky hand. He puts some on his hand before he runs it up and down Kuroo, and he moans too, finally. Bokuto takes a small pride in that before he's lifting himself and trying to steady Kuroo underneath him. The other laughs, slaps Bokutos hand away lightly to do it himself. Bokuto bites his bottom lip to stop himself from moaning while Kuroo starts to make his  
way inside.  
  
"Shiit..." Bokuto says, and then snaps his mouth shut again, before Bokuto brings himself down to sit completely down on him.  
  
The two are breathing heavy, and Kuroo is running his hands soothingly up Bokutos tensed thighs, soon snaking around to cup and massage his ass.  
  
"There you go," Kuroo purrs, pulls Bokuto down awkwardly to kiss him sweetly over and over on the mouth. He loses his balance while Kuroo is latched onto his mouth, quickly brings his arms up to catch himself, grabs onto the top of the couch to steady himself. The new angle lets Kuroo drag his tongue up Bokutos throat as he pulls out a little, pushes back in quickly. When Bokuto moans quietly, Kuroo can feel it reverberate on his tongue, and he moans too.  
  
"You always look so-" Kuroos voice hitches, but he continues, "so- so good like this."  
Bokuto can't stop moaning, all of Kuroos words just making them louder, more broken sounding. He presses into Kuroos chest with one of his hands, uses it as leverage to pull up and then sink back down on him at a pace that isn't slow and borderline soft.  
  
"Heh.." Kuroo chuckles quietly, meets Bokuto when he thrusts back with a thrust forward.  
  
They're both lost in the waves of pleasure until Bokuto feels a familar feeling building in his stomach, whining, he shakily reaches himself over to cup Kuroos face in his hands, kiss him with vigor and Kuroo smiles against his lips. He thrusts up again, and Bokuto moans while they kiss.  
  
"I love it when you moan into my mouth, Koutarou," he whispers against his lips, and Bokuto can't take much more of this, he knows it.  
  
"I'm.."  
  
"I know," Kuroo whispers sweetly onto his lips, slithers a hand around to grip roughly at Bokutos dick, dragging his slick palm over it tight and fast. Bokutos legs open up wider at that, and he thrusts desperately into Kuroos hand.  
  
Then he stops.  
  
Bokuto whines high, opens his eyes and leans up to see what was wrong, if someone was at the door, or something, but Kuroo just looks wrecked in front of him. He takes to dragging his finger over top of his head, and Bokuto bucks up again.  
  
"What are you..." he sighs.  
  
"If we..." Kuroo tries not to groan, trying to hold on to do be able to what he wants, " 'f we drag it out, it'll feel better.."  
  
"But-" Bokuto protests, and Kuroo gives him a squeeze to his base as he bows his head and tries to collect himself. Bokuto can't help it, and he starts to bounce against him, panting and groaning.  
  
"Jesus...fuck.." Kuroo rasps out, takes a hiccuping breath in and presses his hands down on Bokutos thighs, keeps himself deep inside him but also keeps Bokuto from moving. He squirms.  
  
"C'mon Kuroo, dude, just," Bokuto sighs, leans forward to brush their lips together.  
  
"I need to make up for all the other times I could have done all this to you," he mutters, almost to himself, before he starts to stroke Bokuto lazily again when both of their orgasms begin to recede.  
  
"Uhh.. uh.. Tetsu.." Bokuto moans, leaning into Kuroos touch and humming loudly when Kuroo starts to move again. But Kuroo takes his hand off of him, settles them firmly on his ass as his thrusts get harder, deeper.  
  
"Tetsurou, Tetsuuu... go, touch," Bokuto makes words but not sentences, reaches out to grab one of Kuroos hands and bring it to his neglected cock. Kuroo shakes his head, twists himself out of Bokutos loose grip to grab his ass again.  
  
"Ku- _ro_ _o_ " he begs, snaps his hips up to try to bring attention to himself. He presses Bokuto closer, so that their chests are touching, so that Bokutos dick is pressed flushed in between them. Kuroos thrusts get harder, start moving Bokuto up and down as he slams into him, causing him to rub up against Kuroos chest and it's just enough friction to get him off.  
  
"Tetsu, oh...god.. Tetsurou," Bokuto starts, humming soft pleas and renditions of Kuroos first name over and over. He sighs and whines out noises until he reaches his limit, bucking and thrusting up and back, not knowing exactly what to do, as he cums all over Kuroos chest. Kuroo is close behind, fucking Bokuto through it until he falls slack against Kuroo. They both take a moment to breath.  
  
"C'mon," Bokuto sighs underneath Kuroos ear, and he feels him shiver as he breathes all ragged and low.  
  
"Keep going," he breathes, wiggling his hips, and Kuroo tightens his grip on his ass before he goes back to his original, hard, fast pace until he goes over the edge as well, clutching onto Bokutos hips tightly, keeping him on him as he sinks his teeth into his plush bottom lip until it draws a pin needle of blood. Bokuto is sighing all the way through, the feeling of post orgasm bliss hightened at being fucked through and after it hit him.  
  
They both come down, Bokuto curling his sweaty arms behind Kuroos back until he's hugging him tightly, nuzzling his nose into Kuroos throat, against his quick pulse. Kuroo pulls him up for a quick kiss.  
  
"So.." he sighs, eyes still half lidded and mouth still slightly open, breaths not completely normal yet.  
  
"Pancakes?" Bokuto says, in an equally disheveled state.  
  
"Pancakes."  
  
"Righto!" Bokuto tries to yell all cheery, but his voice is still gravelly, and it comes out not as funny as intended. Kuroo still laughs whole heartedly.  
  
"Get off my dick, then," he grins. Bokuto smiles, a little flustered, before he pulls himself off and collapses next to Kuroo on the couch.  
  
He watches Kuroo stand, collect himself and pull his boxers up before he walks unsteadily into the washroom, and then back into the kitchen.  
Bokuto lies down on the couch, bliss flowing through him and his limbs delicately shaking in a soft ecstasy. He hums against the couch cushion, presses his face into it. He hears Kuroo call his name from the kitchen, but pays no mind to anything but the light pleasurable aftermath. Eventually, though, Kuroo makes his way back into the living  
room to poke him. Bokuto sighs, a tender, content smile on his face.  
  
"Hey, get up," Kuroo says, and Bokuto hums in disagreement.  
  
Kuroo straightens up and crosses his arms, " _Damn_  I'm good."  
  
He expects a retort of some kind, but Bokuto just nods, skin grazing the fuzzy couch as he does. Kuroo reaches his hands out, grabs the other boys and forces him up. Bokuto stumbles for a moment, before steadying himself. Kuroo hands him a clean shirt and pajama pants, and he pulls another shirt over top of himself as well. Bokuto quirks a brow.  
  
"Where did you get these so fast?"  
  
"I hid them in the fridge," Kuroo states.  
  
"...hid them?" he asks, and then it clicks.  
  
"You _planned_  this morning?"  
  
"Yes, you fucko," he chirps, turns around on his heel and makes his way to the kitchen, Bokuto tailing him. He laughs, "don't call me a fucko!"

The two stare at the undeniably cold plates of pancakes.  
  
"They're so ugly," Bokuto says, crossing his arms. Kuroo giggles.  
  
"So what do we do now?" Kuroo asks, poking a finger at one, "they're freezing."  
  
Bokuto ponders, taps his foot, until the two make eye contact.  
  
"We could microwave them," he says. Kuroo laughs.  
  
"Sure, fine."  
  
After Bokuto gets back from thoughrouly washing his hands and cleaning up his ass, he marches back to the kitchen to find the two plates sitting in the microwave, turning around in circles as Kuroo watches the clock with a stern look of concentration on his face.  
  
"Do you think they'll taste okay?" Bokuto asks, staring wide eyed from the pancakes to Kuroo, from Kuroo to the pancakes. Kuroo shrugs, makes a 'hmph' sound like he's not completely sure.  
When the microwave dings, they bring the hot cakes out of the machine, plopping them back down on the table. They cover them in syrup. Kuroo hands Bokuto the butter after he slathers his pancakes with it, Bokuto tells him he doesn't like butter, Kuroo proceeds to call him a goober.  
  
"Okay, if I'm a goober, so are you," Bokuto sighs, cuts his knife through the pancake and takes a bite. Bokuto keeps the bite in his mouth for a moment, trying to taste it well.  
  
"This is shitty," he says.  
  
"So blunt, and all of my hard work," Kuroo says, cutting into his food and taking a bite as well.  
  
"It's not bad, just, ugly, like you stated."  
  
Bokuto doesn't respond, just sighs and keeps eating. The more he eats it the less it tastes bad, and eventually it just tastes like soggy pancakes. It tasted good, just... soggy, ugly. Bokuto cuts his pancakes up into a bunch of pieces first, and then plays his fingers along the edges of the table absent mindedly as he kicks his legs shallowly and eats.  
Kuroo taps at one of his fingers, and Bokuto looks up while chewing, to catch lips on his, chaste and sweet.  
When Kuroo pulls back, Bokuto quickly chews and swallows.  
  
"I had food in my mouth," he says, but Kuroo leans again to kiss at the side of his mouth, licking a tiny stray drop of syrup off of him.  
  
" 'S sweet" he says, shrugging, then leans on his hand to look at him from across the table.  
  
"That was gay," Bokuto says, reaching up to touch the corner of his mouth, smiling and blushing.  
  
"Yeah," Kuroo grins, "it was." Kuroo gasps and leans back in his chair, and it startles Bokuto enough to look up quickly. Kuroo leans in, hands braced on the side of the table.  
  
"Next time!" he smiles, eyes wide, voice excited, "Next time I could lick that off your chest or something!"  
Bokuto laughs, pink dusting his cheeks, but he laughs, not nervously this time.  
  
"Shit dude, fuck yeah."  
  
Kuroo looks content as he leans back, but opens one eye as he hears Bokuto clear his throat.  
  
"Oh...um.. next time?" he asks, voice quiet, and he watches Kuroos face waver.  
  
"Aren't we...?"  
  
"Yeah I just... It needs to be different," Bokuto says, and he reaches over to curl his fingers into Kuroos. They both swallow thickly.  
  
"L-like what?" Kuroo says, and Bokuto finds the stutter cute.  
  
"I want it.. I don't want it like last time.." he says, but before Kuroo can pull back, he continues, "I want it like..."  
  
"Like..?"  
  
"A.. like a boyfriend.." Bokuto says shakily, huffs out the words before sucking on his teeth, forcing himself to keep his head up. Kuroo slowly nods, a slow, wide smile beginning to grow on him.  
  
"Yes, yes, yes please, can we? Can we be boyfriends?" he says, leans in. Bokuto's heart warms, stomach flutters, and he nods wildly, almost comically.  
  
"Fuck yeah!" Bokuto says, leans over the table and tries to give Kuroo a hug that way. Realizing he can't, he stands up, but Kuroo does too.  
They smash together, hugging and twirling around the kitchen and almost tripping over Kuroos chair, giggling and laughing. Bokuto squeezes him so tight, squealing as he jumps up into Kuroos arms and kisses him.  
  
"Fuck, fuck," Kuroo says, stumbling backwards and tripping over the chair again, this time falling to the floor with a large thump.  
  
"Fuck, bro, are you okay?" Bokuto says, immediately, raising himself up over top of Kuroo on his elbows.  
  
"Yeah, yeah dude, it's chill," he says, then tugs Bokuto quickly down into a slow, passionate kiss by the rim of his shirt collar. They stay like that for a while, just kissing, feeling each other in all the ways they couldn't before. Hands wander but never wander too close to any place that would send a shiver, they keep them feeling clothes and hair and already exposed skin.  
  
Bokuto smiles against Kuroos lips, and Kuroo smiles right back.  
  
"I love you," Bokuto decides to say, and Kuroo grins again.  
  
"I love you too," Kuroo laughs, "now get off, you're heavy."  
  
Bokuto huffs, but stands up, along with Kuroo.  
  
The black haired smiles at him, softly, black eyes taking in gold, until they flick towards the stove clock in the kitchen behind Bokutos head.  
  
"It's 11 in the morning," Kuroo says, "but I don't want you to go."  
Bokuto laces his fingers through Kuroos, cupping his hands warmly with his own, swinging them out back and forth happily.  
  
"Me neither."  
  
"Damn, but the train leaves at 6...not sure if you'll make it," Kuroo smirks, hand tracing up the back of Bokutos neck to play with the sparse, light little hairs there.  
  
"Aw man..you're right...and it's Sunday too.." Bokuto says. Kuroo shakes his head, sighing, glad Bokuto is playing along.  
  
"Shit, dude, you know I would hate to miss school, but it looks like you're just gonna have to stay over again, you've got no choice."  
  
Bokuto shrugs, "looks like it."  
  
The two look at eachother with stern yet fake sad looking faces, before Bokuto cracks and giggles which makes Kuroo do the same.  
  
"C'mon, dude," Kuroo says, slipping one hand out of Bokutos as he leads him upstairs to his bedroom, and the two struggle to both get under the sheets of his bed.  
  
"Are we going to sleep?" Bokuto asks, elbow resting on the bed and the side of his head resting in his hand as he lays on his side.  
  
"Nah," Kuroo says, reaches to his bedside table to grab his phone, "I wanna watch a movie but I wanna be comfy."  
Bokuto hums.  
Kuroo puts on some comedy movie Bokuto isn't paying much attention to.  
He pays more attention to the glow on Kuroos face when a scene in the movie is in brighter or lighter colours, watches Kuroos tongue stick out slightly through his teeth at the side of his mouth right before he laughs, watches the blush rise to his cheeks as he notices Bokuto staring at him. He tries to hide it, tries to pretend it's not bothering him. Bokuto finds it cute, finds everything about Kuroo cute, finds him cute, funny, smart, undeniably handsome, stupid and perverted and so very Kuroo that he's perfect.  
They snuggle up, and Bokuto places a kiss to Kuroos neck every so often until the skin burns with a blush underneath his lips.

It's been a good day, so good that it makes up for all the shit he's put them both through. It's a good day because now he knows he can wake up to Kuroo smiling for real, and he loves that now he can wake up and smile back too.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHH!!! SO IT'S FINALLY DONE!!!  
> Thank you all so much for coming on this emotional roller coaster with me. Your comments have made me smile and pick me up when I thought I should scrap this like I do with a lot of fics I write. It was so fun to write and I'll admit I've teared up a bit at certain parts myself while writing them, so I'm with some of you on that.  
> I don't want this end note to be too too long but I'm just so ?? Excited?? Thank you all so so so so sooo much for reading this!
> 
> There's been people who have messaged me on twitter to thank me and encourage me and I'm just so blessed from you all. An amazing person on twitter even made fan art!! Their handle is @KiseIsABitch check them out!!  
> Again my twitter is @owlfuker and I love Bokuroo and Bokuto so so much and please message me there to talk abt that stuff if you'd like!  
> Also leave a comment and a kudos if you liked it!! Ahhh I'm just so happy thank you all so much.

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize i just typed this up quick i have a paper due but i love my boys and I'm already late for Bokuroo week. Please yell at me if i dont update fast enough bc im a terrible procrastinator :-)
> 
> Talk to me abt Bokuroo and Bokuto related things on my twitter @owlfuker bless u
> 
> ((The song I quoted in the beginning is The Start of Something by Voxtrot!!))


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